If you were on the fence about having kids
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Anonymous
Unlike the little black cloud that is you? |
Anonymous
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My advice? Stop at 1 kid. It’s all the good stuff about raising kids, but very easy to divide & conquer with a spouse when times get tough and you need to tap out for a break.
Once you have two kids, it’s game over. Those kids run your life. They feed off each other and it’s pure chaos. And it’s really tough for one parent to manage two young kids, if you want to take off for a weekend with friends. Absolutely exhausting. Another issue I have is that basically the grandparents could handle watching one kid for a weekend, but can’t handle 2+. They are too old and two kids’ worth of energy is too much for them. So now we can’t even get away for a romantic weekend for our anniversary anymore. It honestly sucks. I have a big regret not stopping at one kid. Though, tbh, our younger kid is so much more pleasant than our older kid at every age milestone. |
Anonymous
Two kids?! This is so overly dramatic, all of it. My personal advice: two is the perfect number. 2-3 years apart, if you can swing it. |
Anonymous
Wow... You should never give advice to anyone. |
Anonymous
+1. This. Breaks are nonexistent. Grandparents are great with one but two is overkill. We also have a dog so that is an added responsibility and basically a 3rd child in many ways. |
Anonymous
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I think people find their own kids more interesting.
Also if you are the mom, you can be stricter and tell the kid to stop slamming the door. But if you don't want kids, don't have them! It's fine. |
Anonymous
| My friend felt the same way and she says it is 100 percent different when you have your own kids. She still dislikes other people’s kids but loves her own. Don’t worry, your brain is required after birth to love your offspring and keep them alive! |
Anonymous
It's poor research. I really can't stand claims if research says when it's crap research. I don't think kids are a drag . I also don't think op should be a parent |
Anonymous
| I was on the fence but found what I thought of dislike of children was just my lack of comfort with interacting with them in general. That went away pretty quick when I had my own. |
Anonymous
| My friend disliked kids and LOVES her two. I love kids (was a former teacher) and LOVE mine but am thinking of stopping at one. You don’t know what it’s really like to be a parent until you’re a parent. It’s a very steep learning curve in selflessness. But you change… you become more patient. You learn to cook healthy meals. You learn to plan for every contingency. Your body adjusts to sleeping less. You learn and grow together with your baby. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Op, I was a fence sitter and now childfree for many and complex reasons, including my own health problems. There is a book called the baby decision you can read that helps you get to the bottom of this question and analyze it from both sides. You may also want to check out the fence sitter and regretful parents communities on Reddit. I can also be easily overstimulated like you describe. So many of the posts in the regretful parents sub I relate to, and feel I could have written myself. I like kids- I’m a teacher. But due to some personal circumstances, health problems, preferences and desire for quiet and a slower life, I’m not a parent. Good luck |
Anonymous
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I’m 60 and never had kids because I didn’t want to be pregnant; my husband didn’t want biological children and adoption was expensive; I’m lazy; I was worried I wouldn’t be up for taking care of one should they be born severely disabled, etc. I like other people’s kids once they’re past the baby stage.
Occasionally I regret it, especially since I’m getting older and won’t have anyone to take care of me except my nieces and nephews but that’s also not a good reason to have a kid! |
Anonymous
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I felt the same as you, had kids and regret it. Love my kids but wouldn’t have had kids if I could redo my life.
As a woman your life will change dramatically. They will wreck your body, limit your social life, hurt your career and spend a lot of your money. There’s a reason that women in developed countries who have nice lives have fewer children. There’s also the constant noise, lack of sleep and messes. Take something simple like going out to dinner. For about a decade you can’t enjoy going out to eat. Constant interruptions, cutting up food, picking up items that fall, taking a kid to the restroom, diaper changes, etc. It isn’t enjoyable. I have to hire a sitter to even be able to have a decent conversation with my spouse. Look around the next time you see a family out to dinner. Does the mom look like she’s having fun? Women on here will criticize me but when I look at women on a playground or out with their family, they look frazzled and unhappy. The only problem about not having kids is that it makes it easier to divorce and makes aging a bit more difficult to handle as a woman. My friends without kids seem to find it more challenging to get older. You’ll never be able to appreciate your free time, sleep and disposable income since you didn’t experience what children do to your life. I was on the fence and leaning towards not having kids. My mother wrote me this letter about how I was making the worse decision and would be increasingly isolated. She scared me and I pulled the trigger. She couldn’t have been more wrong. I wish I had listened to myself and my gut. |
Anonymous
If it makes you feel any better, one of my siblings is estranged from both of our mother & father and my other sibling is estrange from our father. There is zero guarantee in life that your kids will take care of you as you age, let alone even talk with or visit you. Everyone needs to have a plan for aging that doesn't include daily care from your bio kids. |