Old school DCUM game: You post something about yourself and we'll tell you what's wrong with you...

[Anonymous]

I'll start:

My child goes to Beauvoir.

[Anonymous]

My child can out-test your child.

[Anonymous]

I like DCUM.

[Anonymous]

You are afraid to post any specifics of your life because you think some of your friends might be able to identify you, but none of your friends really pay attention to you when you talk.

[Anonymous]

lol i like it.

i'm lazy to capitalize and i use the kids and busy life as an excuse... what's wrong with me?

[Anonymous]

You didn't go to an Ivy League School, and the cracks in your education show whenever you make an attempt to properly punctuate or capitalize. You use this kids/busy excuse your your atrocious math as well.

[Anonymous]

Both my ex husbands cheated on me, but I'm really attractive and never had any problems in bed with either of them. What's wrong with me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both my ex husbands cheated on me, but I'm really attractive and never had any problems in bed with either of them. What's wrong with me?

You were so devastated by loser#1, you became paranoid that everyone was judging you for your obvious lack of loser-radar. You became insanely defensive, and foolishly refused to listen to your parents or sister Frannie when they all pointed out to you the red flags on #2, such as the fact that the passenger seat of his car is never in the same position and he keeps changing his phone number. Your toes are not evenly spaced apart, which you have never noticed.

[Anonymous]

I am a very good-looking man and know my new hot young nanny is secretly looking forward to having me exercise the traditional privilege of sexual access to all the women in my household. How do I encourage her to show her inevitable desire without leaving myself open to a sexual harassment suit after I'm done with her?

[Anonymous]

13:54 again- Uptight, ugly women need not respond. I'll tune out any posters (and people in general) who don't flatter me.

[Anonymous]

The key is a really well-written contract that immediately sends all parties to sealed binding arbitration, and she signs away all rights to prosecute. Also, include a gag clause. Get a good lawyer. Like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The key is a really well-written contract that immediately sends all parties to sealed binding arbitration, and she signs away all rights to prosecute. Also, include a gag clause. Get a good lawyer. Like me.

Great suggestions. But-- just to be clear-- when we meet privately in your office, you and I have to have some boundaries. You see, I'm really good-looking, IMHO, and I wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea. You're really going to have to control yourself.

Hey, what're you wearing right now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a very good-looking man and know my new hot young nanny is secretly looking forward to having me exercise the traditional privilege of sexual access to all the women in my household. How do I encourage her to show her inevitable desire without leaving myself open to a sexual harassment suit after I'm done with her?

You have been diagnosed with low testosterone, which you try to compensate for by spinning improbable sex yarns. You switch the channel in disgust every time an erectile disfunction commercial comes on, and tell your wife the problem is that she put on too much weight after the baby. Your boss is investigating you for malfeasance.

[Anonymous]

That is, unless you're within 5 years of my own age and/ or ugly. In that case, you'll know your place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is, unless you're within 5 years of my own age and/ or ugly. In that case, you'll know your place.

I was talking to the lady-lawyer, of course.