What the hell..

[Anonymous]

So I have been dating this guy off the Web for almost a year now. We live a good distance apart so haven't seen each other for total of 90 days in that year but we have spent several weeks together at a time. We both have children from previous marriages. So recently I decided on have an extended stay with him to get to know him and his family and friends better. He has told me about one of his friends before that he is very close with and I met her for the very first time. OK, I never asked him to describe her, and thats my fault, but I feel like I have been lied to about the nature of their relationship. He told me she was a woman in her 50's who was very supportive. He made me think she was matronly with sensible shoes. I just met a 5'10" version of Hallie Berry. She maybe in her 50s but she appears to in early 40s if not younger. The aren't good friends they are best friends. Went out to lunch him him and her and other coworkers. I heard mention of him at her house (some monstrosity mini mansion), her at his house,routine lunches, texting,messaging on other apps. She is >10yrs older than him.She is single and from what I can tell is also loaded. She doesn't want him but I am convinced he wants her. What am I chopped IIver? Am I making to much of this? There should a disturbing level of intimacy between them. Something that I feel should be mine and not hers.

[Anonymous]

Jealousy isn't attractive, OP.

[Anonymous]

You sound jealous. Maybe there is and maybe there isn't something there but it sounds like you got immediately defensive and you're looking for things that might not be there.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be happy about it either, op. Now you have to decide if this is something you can live with it not. You can't make her go away - this is a friendship that works for him. If you're not cool with it, that's fine (I wouldn't be), but that means you should move on. You can't nag him into ending his friendship with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jealousy isn't attractive, OP.

Oh I am completely ware that this is the green eyed devil of jealously and normally I never am. He is a great looking guy and women flirt I think him all the time and I usually find it flattering. I didn't xplode or act badly toward her,but I was just left stunned by it all. I haven't said anything word to him.

[Anonymous]

If you are positive she doesn't return his feelings and never will then take the time to move past this. You wear the title of girlfriend that he gave you. Maybe he realizes that he can't have her either and thats why you are his girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Been there done that. Leave now, she has all the power. He will and has been discussing your relationship with her. One word from her and your out

[Anonymous]

Why don't you talk to him about it like an adult?

[Anonymous]

You may, in fact, be chopped liver.

[Anonymous]

I'm very familiar with this dynamic.
He likes the chase and she likes the attention
Id guess they flirt over text too. You will always feel like the third wheel.
I wouldn't end it over this but you should keep your options open and find a new man.
These types of men often blur boundaries and cheat. Every one of them that I knew did.

[Anonymous]

If nothing else you might be a V8. You are his second choice. So if she never changes her mind no big deal. But if she does, what happens then. Someone that much older than him isn't likely to change her mind. If she does look like Hallie Berry she can pick from just about any one she wants no matter how cute your boyfriend is. Befriend her, you know the adage, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Find out what her motivations are, find out from your boyfriend why he is panting after someone so much older than him. He has to know that won't work. What is his draw to her at that age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very familiar with this dynamic.
He likes the chase and she likes the attention
Id guess they flirt over text too. You will always feel like the third wheel.
I wouldn't end it over this but you should keep your options open and find a new man.
These types of men often blur boundaries and cheat. Every one of them that I knew did.

This poster makes a very good point. You are probably looking at a sign that he will cheat later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very familiar with this dynamic.
He likes the chase and she likes the attention
Id guess they flirt over text too. You will always feel like the third wheel.
I wouldn't end it over this but you should keep your options open and find a new man.
These types of men often blur boundaries and cheat. Every one of them that I knew did.

I have never seen the text just the mention text in the past about different subjects. I don't think I want to see the text. I am more astonished by the fact that she is literally the polar opposite of me. So it makes me ask what is he wants or is the answer to that that he has no clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very familiar with this dynamic.
He likes the chase and she likes the attention
Id guess they flirt over text too. You will always feel like the third wheel.
I wouldn't end it over this but you should keep your options open and find a new man.
These types of men often blur boundaries and cheat. Every one of them that I knew did.

Did this or something like this happen to you?

[Anonymous]

It may be innocent but what matters here is your reaction. You're jealous and will always be suspicious; you will kill this relationship, not him or her.