If your parents scrimped and saved to send you to private school, do you appreciate it now?

[Anonymous]

I'm noticing many of my friends who send their kids to public school went to private school themselves. And vice versa.

We are currently scrimping and saving to send our 2 kids to private middle and high school. Our income is good (HHI of $320,000), but it still means a small house that needs updating, old cars, clothes from Old Navy, modest vacations, etc. We spend $8000 per month on tuition. After saving for retirement and college (both of which are in good shape), we don't have much left over.

We think it's worth it because we really like the school our kids attend. However, I'm curious if they will think it was worth it. (Most of their friends in our neighborhood attend public school in our Bethesda neighborhood. Our kids do a decent job in school, but are not academic super stars who would excel in public school, and therefore are the types of kids who benefit most from private school, in our opinion.)

TIA! I'm really only seeking advice from people who went to private school themselves as kids, not from people who wish to criticize our decision to spend money on tuition for middle and high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm noticing many of my friends who send their kids to public school went to private school themselves. And vice versa.

We are currently scrimping and saving to send our 2 kids to private middle and high school. Our income is good (HHI of $320,000), but it still means a small house that needs updating, old cars, clothes from Old Navy, modest vacations, etc. We spend $8000 per month on tuition. After saving for retirement and college (both of which are in good shape), we don't have much left over.

We think it's worth it because we really like the school our kids attend. However, I'm curious if they will think it was worth it. (Most of their friends in our neighborhood attend public school in our Bethesda neighborhood. Our kids do a decent job in school, but are not academic super stars who would excel in public school, and therefore are the types of kids who benefit most from private school, in our opinion.)

TIA! I'm really only seeking advice from people who went to private school themselves as kids, not from people who wish to criticize our decision to spend money on tuition for middle and high school.

You lost me there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm noticing many of my friends who send their kids to public school went to private school themselves. And vice versa.

We are currently scrimping and saving to send our 2 kids to private middle and high school. Our income is good (HHI of $320,000), but it still means a small house that needs updating, old cars, clothes from Old Navy, modest vacations, etc. We spend $8000 per month on tuition. After saving for retirement and college (both of which are in good shape), we don't have much left over.

We think it's worth it because we really like the school our kids attend. However, I'm curious if they will think it was worth it. (Most of their friends in our neighborhood attend public school in our Bethesda neighborhood. Our kids do a decent job in school, but are not academic super stars who would excel in public school, and therefore are the types of kids who benefit most from private school, in our opinion.)

TIA! I'm really only seeking advice from people who went to private school themselves as kids, not from people who wish to criticize our decision to spend money on tuition for middle and high school.

You lost me there.

Word.

Op, you would probably have had better luck if you left this out. It's completely unnecessary for your request and comes out as a humble brag.

[Anonymous]

Something is very off if you cannot comfortably pay for private on that income.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend whose dad did this and left him high and dry for college. Most kids would probably rather have a car and go somewhere cool for vacation IMO.

Personally, I don't think you can afford it at your income, hence you have to shop at Old Navy.

[Anonymous]

No. I hated the (religious) private that I was sent to. Hated it.

[Anonymous]

Op, with everything in parenting, there are no garuentees. Some kids love private, some kids hate it. All you can do is what you think is right.

Our choice was to buy in the best public system we could afford and expand our kids education through travel.

There is no right answer and there is no crystal ball.

[Anonymous]

My husband's parents privately educated their children when they had solid public school options. No, they don't appreciate it. My husband doesn't think it was worth the cost, especially since it hurt their retirement savings significantly. We make a little more than you and will be sending our kids to public. I'd rather put the 30k per year per child in the bank.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate my private school experience, although I also attended public schools at various points. The same holds true for our kids -- they've attended a mix of public and private. I think so much depends on the child, the parents, the qualities of the education provided (a particular public vs a particular private), and also how many sacrifices the family made for the private schooling. If you can't ever afford a decent house or nice family trips, for example, the tradeoffs of the private education might not be appreciated by your kids. So many variables.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something is very off if you cannot comfortably pay for private on that income.

Disagree. We make more and couldn't afford it. An 8k a month mortgage would be too high on that income, let alone 8k + their mortgage.

[Anonymous]

My good friend grew up in Bethesda and went to Sidwell as did her siblings. All the kids wish they had gone to public schools. The financial strain really increased the stress within the family and hurt the family dynamic and none of the kids particularly like the school-my friend was bullied and has particularly bad memories of the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm noticing many of my friends who send their kids to public school went to private school themselves. And vice versa.

We are currently scrimping and saving to send our 2 kids to private middle and high school. Our income is good (HHI of $320,000), but it still means a small house that needs updating, old cars, clothes from Old Navy, modest vacations, etc. We spend $8000 per month on tuition. After saving for retirement and college (both of which are in good shape), we don't have much left over.

We think it's worth it because we really like the school our kids attend. However, I'm curious if they will think it was worth it. (Most of their friends in our neighborhood attend public school in our Bethesda neighborhood. Our kids do a decent job in school, but are not academic super stars who would excel in public school, and therefore are the types of kids who benefit most from private school, in our opinion.)

TIA! I'm really only seeking advice from people who went to private school themselves as kids, not from people who wish to criticize our decision to spend money on tuition for middle and high school.

You lost me there.

Why? They're spending $80,000 to $100,000 on childcare every year (taking into account summer programs). HHI of $320, probably paying $100k in taxes. So they're spending almost half their after tax income on school. That's absolutely crazy and no wonder cash is tight.

Given that you live in one of the best public school districts in the country AND your kids are only doing moderately well, yeah, private is a waste. If your kids are only doing mediocre in private school, they're not going to be superstars in college. So if you're measuring success by their professional success, they're never going to be superstars on the path they're on. Or, if they are professional superstars, it'll be in a job that they could have gotten with a crappy public school degree too. If you're measuring success by other things, like happiness, then sure maybe they might be happier at private. Or maybe they're happier at public. Who knows. But you're spending an awful lot of money/stress on something that's like a 50/50 likelihood (of being more intangibly happy). I think there are also dangerous messages to send to kids that you spend half your household income on "experiential intangibles" for them.

I went to privates for 5 years in my childhood. It was no better or worse than public for me.

[Anonymous]

I went to an elite private school...in my mid 30s now.... While I appreciate the fact that it likely helped me get into an Ivy League university, I sometimes wish I had gone through the public school experience to get a better understanding of lower middle class life. I think it would have helped me relate better to folks in my workplace now and in general, connect with other ppl. The vast majority of the US populace go to public schools so by putting kids in a rarified bubble of elitism, they miss out on understanding and being able to connect with regular lower middle class folk.

[Anonymous]

I am very grateful that my parents sent me to private school for the last three years of high school. I have been doing well in public school, and socially it was fine. Nothing was terrible. The private school what a terrific for me, though, something that I had not even realized could exist. Ramped up my academics because of my increasing level of school, became active in several activities I still enjoy today, and found a close group of friends who remain in my life to this day. Attending the school truly change the trajectory of my academic life, and probably my professional possibilities. It was, though, the right school, for the right person, at the right time. Those things together worked out very well for us.

[Anonymous]

We went to private school but lived in a rundown dump of a house. Could never have friends over, spent all our time at other peoples houses. I would have preferred a comfortable family home.