I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option

[Anonymous]

I'm absolutely drowning. I called my mom today because I was at my breaking point and she basically told me to man up and that my SIL doesn't have these issues I do. No, because she's a SAHM!!!!! That sounds awful and it's not to diminish what she does, but all of my problelms now are due to being a working mom. I told her this, and she said, "Well, I guess you shouldn't be working."

And she's right. I can't be even a decent mother as soon as I continue to work, but I don't want to quit. I like working and it keeps me sane. So what is it? Do I keep working and be a terrible mother, or do I quit and be an even worse mom? I feel stuck.

[Anonymous]

How old are your children?

[Anonymous]

How old is your baby? The first few months are hard but it gets better.

[Anonymous]

One child, 2.

I know. I'm a total failure for not being able to handle one two year old.

[Anonymous]

That's two YEARS, but the way.

[Anonymous]

Funny, my mom calls to complain I am not working. (of course, she forgets to mention that she'll rarely help out so it makes it impossible for me to work).

No matter what you do or choose, it will never be good enough for her. Accept it and move on. If working makes you happy, continue. You being happy will make you a far better mom. My mom never could have stayed at home. We all would have been in the looney bin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny, my mom calls to complain I am not working. (of course, she forgets to mention that she'll rarely help out so it makes it impossible for me to work).

No matter what you do or choose, it will never be good enough for her. Accept it and move on. If working makes you happy, continue. You being happy will make you a far better mom. My mom never could have stayed at home. We all would have been in the looney bin.

No, I get that. The problem is that I'm completely underwater and I wouldn't be if I wasn't working.

I wanted to scream today. Everyone always says "Call someone if things get out of hand," and I got no support.

[Anonymous]

Can you telework some, or reduce your hours slightly? I work 35 hours a week and telework one day a week, and it really helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you telework some, or reduce your hours slightly? I work 35 hours a week and telework one day a week, and it really helps.

I telework about 90% but it doesn't help with the errands I just can't get done. For example, I've been sick on and off for two weeks but DC was too and got the doctor visit. I haven't been able to squeeze one in for me.

I can't reduce my hours.

[Anonymous]

That sucks, OP. Cut yourself some slack. Little kids are hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sucks, OP. Cut yourself some slack. Little kids are hard.

Are they, though? Because my mom says they're not. She was a really shitty mother too, so it's disheartening to hear her say I can do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny, my mom calls to complain I am not working. (of course, she forgets to mention that she'll rarely help out so it makes it impossible for me to work).

No matter what you do or choose, it will never be good enough for her. Accept it and move on. If working makes you happy, continue. You being happy will make you a far better mom. My mom never could have stayed at home. We all would have been in the looney bin.

No, I get that. The problem is that I'm completely underwater and I wouldn't be if I wasn't working.

I wanted to scream today. Everyone always says "Call someone if things get out of hand," and I got no support.

Really, even if you were home you'd feel that way. The first few years, even with one child are hard. Just take care of the immediate needs and the other stuff can wait till the kid gets older. Also, a little tv (especially learning things like leap frog videos) or an iPad are ok in moderation. I so wish I had allowed it sooner. Working makes you happy. Do not second guess yourself. Maybe hire a housekeeper every two weeks, if anything.

[Anonymous]

You say "working makes you sane" but you don't sound 100% okay babe. insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say "working makes you sane" but you don't sound 100% okay babe. insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same results.

It gives me a break, I'd be a crying mess every day otherwise.

[Anonymous]

OP, two year olds are tough - they're also sweet and funny but making the transition from baby to kid is tough. Can you outsource anything to make things feel a little easier? Have Peapod deliver groceries, hire someone to clean or babysit?