Hostility to Name Change

[Anonymous]

I recently married and I decided to take my husband’s last name. I am shocked that many co-workers and friends have provided un-solicited negative opinions about my decision to take my husband’s last name.

Yesterday in a work meeting of 7 people I was asked my last name. A co-worker announced that “my husband made me change my name.”

I’ve repeatedly shut people down by stating that it’s my “personal decision,” but yesterday really affected me.

I want nothing to do with these people; in fact, as a result of these un-solicited negative opinons, I have an extreme distaste for said people. Don’t like my name – don’t talk to me.

Has anyone experienced such hostility? Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Is it a really bad last name?

[Anonymous]

It's a very normal English last name.

[Anonymous]

They sound bizarre. Everyone changes to their husbands last name. Ignore them.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I would actually mention this to HR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They sound bizarre. Everyone changes to their husbands last name. Ignore them.

No, everyone doesn't. But that is no excuse for their rude behavior. Sorry you are going through this OP, they are being really inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

My advice? Do what makes you happy. About this, others can go screw themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They sound bizarre. Everyone changes to their husbands last name. Ignore them.

Speaking of bizarre, you haven't noticed that many women do not change their last names when they marry?

OP, those kinds of comments are really rude. I can assure you, though, that women who don't change their names are frequently met with rudeness as well. So many choices women make just seem to be fodder for public critique.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren't liberal democrats nice?

You really need to learn that the few don't speak for the many. That's what I keep in mind when a conservative dbag criticizes me for not changing my last name after marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Has anyone experienced such hostility? Any advice?

I got a lot of flak as well. I ignored it.

It was interesting to see how many systems at work keyed off of last names, however, and how many things had to be changed in order to accommodate my name change. It's amazing that in this day and age no one thinks that through and plans more flexible environments!

[Anonymous]

The type of aggression I got was people either destroying the new hyphenate or skipping it when introducing me at work. It was a sort of eye roll thing.

But, my married name is rather difficult to manage, so there's that. I get what you're saying about the judgment there. It has become so unremarkable, I hardly notice it anymore, but it has endured.

I think the "husband made her change it" comment is a step too far. You should definitely speak to that person directly.

You don't have much choice here. Toughen up a bit and figure out a simple way to respond when this comes up.

[Anonymous]

OP, just let it go. Or say in a simpering tone 'I really really like DH's last name, don't you'.

[Anonymous]

I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.

[Anonymous]

My office is the opposite. Women who don't change their names get raised eyebrows and it's implied they think they'll end up divorced. I find both attitudes annoying.

This will die down once everyone is used to your new last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd never say anything but secretly I think less of women who change their names.

And you are part of the problem. Why does it matter to you?