SO angry at my dh this morning

[Anonymous]

My dh and I live in Fairfax and work in downtown Washington. We alternate between taking the metro into work and back and driving. Neither way is particularly convenient and each leaves us feeling drained, exhausted and frustrated for various reasons before we get to the office or before we get home. It takes us at least one hour each way and we usually get home around 8pm or 9 pm since he works later than I do and since I do not have a car and have developed claustrophobia I do not take the metro.

We get home around 8 or 9 pm, we're tired grumpy and exhausted and then we whip up dinner, watch netflix and crash.

I am NOT okay with this. Since our lease is up late April, I want us to move to the city. My dh has an irrational hate for the city and is perfectly content living in Fairfax. I have compromised and say we can live in Arlington even though that will still be too far from where we work. He says any move is going to be the worst idea since he loves and is happy in his current location.

We got into a majot fight about it this morning and now I don't even want to speak with him because what person in their right mind would willingly live SO FAR AWAY from work and spend 2+ hours of their life each day stuck in traffic???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh and I live in Fairfax and work in downtown Washington. We alternate between taking the metro into work and back and driving. Neither way is particularly convenient and each leaves us feeling drained, exhausted and frustrated for various reasons before we get to the office or before we get home. It takes us at least one hour each way and we usually get home around 8pm or 9 pm since he works later than I do and since I do not have a car and have developed claustrophobia I do not take the metro.

We get home around 8 or 9 pm, we're tired grumpy and exhausted and then we whip up dinner, watch netflix and crash.

I am NOT okay with this. Since our lease is up late April, I want us to move to the city. My dh has an irrational hate for the city and is perfectly content living in Fairfax. I have compromised and say we can live in Arlington even though that will still be too far from where we work. He says any move is going to be the worst idea since he loves and is happy in his current location.

We got into a majot fight about it this morning and now I don't even want to speak with him because what person in their right mind would willingly live SO FAR AWAY from work and spend 2+ hours of their life each day stuck in traffic???

Uh, lots of people. Hence all of the traffic. Including you in your car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh and I live in Fairfax and work in downtown Washington. We alternate between taking the metro into work and back and driving. Neither way is particularly convenient and each leaves us feeling drained, exhausted and frustrated for various reasons before we get to the office or before we get home. It takes us at least one hour each way and we usually get home around 8pm or 9 pm since he works later than I do and since I do not have a car and have developed claustrophobia I do not take the metro.

We get home around 8 or 9 pm, we're tired grumpy and exhausted and then we whip up dinner, watch netflix and crash.

I am NOT okay with this. Since our lease is up late April, I want us to move to the city. My dh has an irrational hate for the city and is perfectly content living in Fairfax. I have compromised and say we can live in Arlington even though that will still be too far from where we work. He says any move is going to be the worst idea since he loves and is happy in his current location.

We got into a majot fight about it this morning and now I don't even want to speak with him because what person in their right mind would willingly live SO FAR AWAY from work and spend 2+ hours of their life each day stuck in traffic???

Uh, lots of people. Hence all of the traffic. Including you in your car.

Yes but these people have children and have moved to the suburbs. We are a late twenties childless couple who rent an apartment full of families out in Fairfax.

LONG commute + no social life is KILLING ME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh and I live in Fairfax and work in downtown Washington. We alternate between taking the metro into work and back and driving. Neither way is particularly convenient and each leaves us feeling drained, exhausted and frustrated for various reasons before we get to the office or before we get home. It takes us at least one hour each way and we usually get home around 8pm or 9 pm since he works later than I do and since I do not have a car and have developed claustrophobia I do not take the metro.

We get home around 8 or 9 pm, we're tired grumpy and exhausted and then we whip up dinner, watch netflix and crash.

I am NOT okay with this. Since our lease is up late April, I want us to move to the city. My dh has an irrational hate for the city and is perfectly content living in Fairfax. I have compromised and say we can live in Arlington even though that will still be too far from where we work. He says any move is going to be the worst idea since he loves and is happy in his current location.

We got into a majot fight about it this morning and now I don't even want to speak with him because what person in their right mind would willingly live SO FAR AWAY from work and spend 2+ hours of their life each day stuck in traffic???

Uh, lots of people. Hence all of the traffic. Including you in your car.

Yes but these people have children and have moved to the suburbs. We are a late twenties childless couple who rent an apartment full of families out in Fairfax.

LONG commute + no social life is KILLING ME.

I mean clearly you need to compromise. If your DH is ok with you being this miserable than you have bigger problems than a commute.

[Anonymous]

First you need to deal with the claustrophobia. You toss out "I can't take Metro" like that's that. In fact, it's contributing to your commute misery. Fix it so you have more freedom.

Second you need to talk rationally with DH about your living options. You're not happy, and you have a right to be. But you will obviously have to compromise. Do some research. Find some reasonable alternatives and schedule a time to talk.

[Anonymous]

Are you planning to have children?

[Anonymous]

Stressful morning commute is not the time to address these issues.

[Anonymous]

Were you always this miserable about the commute?

[Anonymous]

My DH and I lived in the city together for 5 years. It was awesome! Without kids it's the best. We were out all the time. I loved how easy it was to get drinks or dinner out. We walked everywhere. My DH walked to work and I took the metro (about 30 mins door to door). It was really a fabulous time in our lives.

I have no idea how to convince your DH. It sounds like you guys have different ideas of fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First you need to deal with the claustrophobia. You toss out "I can't take Metro" like that's that. In fact, it's contributing to your commute misery. Fix it so you have more freedom.

Second you need to talk rationally with DH about your living options. You're not happy, and you have a right to be. But you will obviously have to compromise. Do some research. Find some reasonable alternatives and schedule a time to talk.

My dh is a self described "country boy" and irrationally HATES THE CITY. Whether its because its so "dirty" and "full of gangs" and "expensive" and "miserable"he just does not want to live in the city. Before, he worked in Fairfax so I was okay with us renting out there. But now, we BOTH work downtown and we both spend all our life on week days commuting.

I can't even open up a discussion about moving without him throwing a tantrum and being rude and annoyed about how much he hates the city.

[Anonymous]

Didn't you post about this a few months ago? 8-9pm isn't okay to get home. Why aren't you working 8-4:30?

[Anonymous]

What do you do? Can you look for something closer to home or with a less stressful commute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First you need to deal with the claustrophobia. You toss out "I can't take Metro" like that's that. In fact, it's contributing to your commute misery. Fix it so you have more freedom.

Second you need to talk rationally with DH about your living options. You're not happy, and you have a right to be. But you will obviously have to compromise. Do some research. Find some reasonable alternatives and schedule a time to talk.

My dh is a self described "country boy" and irrationally HATES THE CITY. Whether its because its so "dirty" and "full of gangs" and "expensive" and "miserable"he just does not want to live in the city. Before, he worked in Fairfax so I was okay with us renting out there. But now, we BOTH work downtown and we both spend all our life on week days commuting.

I can't even open up a discussion about moving without him throwing a tantrum and being rude and annoyed about how much he hates the city.

So you've always know this about him but would like him to change now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you planning to have children?

Yes in the next few years and I feel like I have lived my entire twenties in the suburbs and have never had the taste of "young city life." My dh is a hermit and is perfectly content staying in and playing video games but I am not! I WANT to go out after work and just walk to a bar or a restaurant.

I just feel like crying.

[Anonymous]

He claims he loves and is happy where he lives, but from your description it doesn't sound like it at all.

Perhaps bring up this topic every time he is cranky and tired after work.