DH Says I Can't Quit My Job. Said "Put On Your Big Girl Pants."

[Anonymous]

I hate it. The money is great, but the hours are long and the work intense. Throughout the recession, I was a SAHM but mostly because I followed my DH here to DC when his job relocated. I'm just too stressed. Like tomorrow school opens late, I'm working on a case and have to be in the office early. Have no idea his kids will get to school. DH is out if town. He said I can't quit because he is tired of the stress of being the sole provider and think it is fair I finally returned to work. He said I should put my big girl pants on and suck it up like he has for the last twenty years. I hate him right now. I miss my SAHM friends, my gym time, etc. It's all just go go go all the time.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. Your children deserve to have an un-stressed parent.

[Anonymous]

What he's saying is fair. Why can't you get some other parent to drive the kids to school and you'll drive their kids another day? Or hire a morning babysitter.

What he's saying makes sense. It IS very stressful to be the sole provider. I did it while my husband was out of work and then trying to get a business off the ground.

[Anonymous]

If you really want to be a SAHM, then figure out a way to cut your budget so that your salary is unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Can you find a different job or cut your hours to part-time?

Also if you have vacation time maybe take a couple days a month to unwind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate it. The money is great, but the hours are long and the work intense. Throughout the recession, I was a SAHM but mostly because I followed my DH here to DC when his job relocated. I'm just too stressed. Like tomorrow school opens late, I'm working on a case and have to be in the office early. Have no idea his kids will get to school. DH is out if town. He said I can't quit because he is tired of the stress of being the sole provider and think it is fair I finally returned to work. He said I should put my big girl pants on and suck it up like he has for the last twenty years. I hate him right now. I miss my SAHM friends, my gym time, etc. It's all just go go go all the time.

This is a really suspect thread right after the huge SAHM bashing thread about how they schedule their days but...

He sounds pretty angry and resentful and like he doesn't respect your needs or those of your children and you as you said hate him right now. If neither of you can communicate fairly then take it to counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry, OP. Your children deserve to have an un-stressed parent.

Really? So you support welfare benefits then? And you believe staying home is stress free?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you find a different job or cut your hours to part-time?

Also if you have vacation time maybe take a couple days a month to unwind?

+1

Why does it have to be SAHM vs demanding job? No middle ground?

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate it. The money is great, but the hours are long and the work intense. Throughout the recession, I was a SAHM but mostly because I followed my DH here to DC when his job relocated. I'm just too stressed. Like tomorrow school opens late, I'm working on a case and have to be in the office early. Have no idea his kids will get to school. DH is out if town. He said I can't quit because he is tired of the stress of being the sole provider and think it is fair I finally returned to work. He said I should put my big girl pants on and suck it up like he has for the last twenty years. I hate him right now. I miss my SAHM friends, my gym time, etc. It's all just go go go all the time.

How long have you been back to work? How long were you at home? How often does he travel? How often do you travel? Would it be easier if he SAH for a while? Can you find a less stressful job, even if it pays less- plenty of attorney jobs out there? How much support is your DH at home does he pull his weight there? Can he find a less stressful non-traveling job too. Since you quit for his job to move here and now have a well paying job, he should turn down his career and take on the role of default parent.

Call around and find a babysitter. Call one of your SAHM friends to see if they can handle tomorrow and then find a better back up plan.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right.

[Anonymous]

I work full-time but it would totally annoy me if my husband said that. I took a less stressful job with my husband's full support so one of us could help out more during snowstorms, sickness, summer breaks, etc. He needs to put his big boy pants on and together you find a compromise. Having two stressed out parents is good for no one.

[Anonymous]

It's reasonable that he would expect you to have a job. It's not necessarily reasonable that he would expect you to stay in that particular stressful and demanding job. Look for something else.

[Anonymous]

Find a less stressful job. Your husband shouldnt have to work full time so you can hang out with your friends.

[Anonymous]

You said "his kids". Are they your SC or are you just frustrated right now and emphasizing that he's not pulling his weight?