Why blame the ex-husband?

[Anonymous]

So answer this one.... women want a divorce because they think the husband doesn't help around the house enough and they most always want primary custody (child support) but then they are most always upset after the divorce when the ex-husband isn't living in the same house the he is doing even less. If they thought it was hard when there was a husband why are they so upset that its even harder when there is no husband?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you'll figure it out when you eventually graduate high school and get a girlfriend

[Anonymous]

I don't know anybody that thinks it is "harder" with the husband gone. They have less money to do fun stuff, but generally the house runs much better. The yard is usually a mess, otherwise it is fine.

[Anonymous]

It's the same as how men simply cannot leave the office before seven, can never take PTO to cover a school closure or sick day, have to work on vacations and weekends, and have "mandatory happy hours" when they are married, and then demand 50 percent physical custody in the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the same as how men simply cannot leave the office before seven, can never take PTO to cover a school closure or sick day, have to work on vacations and weekends, and have "mandatory happy hours" when they are married, and then demand 50 percent physical custody in the divorce.

Thank god my husband isn't like this

[Anonymous]

Because it's not just about the chores, it's about the hassle of dealing with an uncooperative person, and being treated badly. My XH would always promise to do better, and never follow through. Eventually I got sick of his talk. Sick of being treated like a cleaning lady.

My XH made more messes than he ever cleaned up. Getting him out of the house was a net reduction in chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the same as how men simply cannot leave the office before seven, can never take PTO to cover a school closure or sick day, have to work on vacations and weekends, and have "mandatory happy hours" when they are married, and then demand 50 percent physical custody in the divorce.

+1.

Another answer is: when I got rid of my financially irresponsible XH, I could afford a cleaning lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because it's not just about the chores, it's about the hassle of dealing with an uncooperative person, and being treated badly. My XH would always promise to do better, and never follow through. Eventually I got sick of his talk. Sick of being treated like a cleaning lady.

My XH made more messes than he ever cleaned up. Getting him out of the house was a net reduction in chores.

Yes. Even with a toddler, my house is significantly cleaner when my husband isn't there.

[Anonymous]

Because when the husband is gone, there isn't an adult you are relying on to help, that constantly disappoints you by failing to do anything.

I find it much easier to operate now that I'm divorced and he isn't around. I know it's all on me to get done, and mentally that helps. I'm not frustrated and mad at anyone for not helping anymore.

[Anonymous]

I think there is also the resentment factor. When my wife isn't around the house, I find that doing the same amount of work with respect to the home and kids is much less troublesome. Not having any expectation that she could or should be doing whatever somehow makes me much more content to just get to work and do whatever needs doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because when the husband is gone, there isn't an adult you are relying on to help, that constantly disappoints you by failing to do anything.

I find it much easier to operate now that I'm divorced and he isn't around. I know it's all on me to get done, and mentally that helps. I'm not frustrated and mad at anyone for not helping anymore.

I was 11:55 - this slipped in at 11:54. Yes, exactly this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the same as how men simply cannot leave the office before seven, can never take PTO to cover a school closure or sick day, have to work on vacations and weekends, and have "mandatory happy hours" when they are married, and then demand 50 percent physical custody in the divorce.

Amazing what an EH will do to avoid child support...

[Anonymous]

This is actually something I ask sometimes when people are complaining about their spouses on DCUM. If the only problem in the marriage is that the spouse doesn't help around the house enough, would that person rather be alone and doing everything themselves AND paying for a household by themselves AND having to date again? Because honestly, given the choice, I might take the not-as-helpful husband over all those alternatives.

I think sometimes people who have been married forget that being single in your late 30's or 40's, with kids, is not exactly like it was when you were 22 and kid-free. It's not easy or fun, and sometimes people here seem to talk about throwing away marriages for small reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because when the husband is gone, there isn't an adult you are relying on to help, that constantly disappoints you by failing to do anything.

I find it much easier to operate now that I'm divorced and he isn't around. I know it's all on me to get done, and mentally that helps. I'm not frustrated and mad at anyone for not helping anymore.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Well I'm an ex husband and my house is cleaner, rooms neater, kitchen is pristine after I rid of my slob ex wife. Best of all I'm happy as a clam.