At what age would you end opposite-sex sleepovers?

[Anonymous]

Two of 9-yo DS's closest friends are girls. They have occasional sleepovers and it's always been really nice; he's much calmer with them than with his male friends. But it just occurred to me that one of his friends has a bit of a crush on him. I'm not worried that they'll do anything inappropriate, but surely these things stop at some point.

What age would you put an end to these sleepovers, or will the requests probably stop naturally?

[Anonymous]

I think it would depend on the kids. When he gets interested in girls or starts being uncomfortable/awkward with sleepovers, then it's time to stop.

My good female friend enjoyed sleepovers with a guy throughout highschool. It was a rural conservative area so "gay" was not a term he would have used to describe himself then, but they were definitely platonic get-togethers.

[Anonymous]

I'd probably stop in 4th grade or so, when it's likely puberty might hit at any moment.

Most kids will be "little" until somewhere in middle school. But some kids are more precocious or hormonal than others, and they might not be flashy about it to parents. I was. Couldn't help it a bit. Do them a favor and save the embarrassment by preserving the friendship in other ways.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP above. My DS's BFF is a girl and they regularly have sleepovers (they are 9y.) Her mom and I were talking about it this weekend - they view each other as siblings (have been friends since PK) and we will continue to monitor for issues - but we can also imagine continuing sleepovers and having everyone sleep in separate rooms (we use each other as childcare when respective families want to go out of town/etc) in middle/high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with PP above. My DS's BFF is a girl and they regularly have sleepovers (they are 9y.) Her mom and I were talking about it this weekend - they view each other as siblings (have been friends since PK) and we will continue to monitor for issues - but we can also imagine continuing sleepovers and having everyone sleep in separate rooms (we use each other as childcare when respective families want to go out of town/etc) in middle/high school.

OP here--this describes my son and his BFF, too. Like siblings. And I don't want to introduce any weirdness into it. It's such a great friendship. They do say they want to marry each other, though they don't talk about it to each other anymore. But they spend all their time being silly together. I would love for it to last into their teens and beyond.

[Anonymous]

10 year old DS's best friend is a girl. I think her mother has put the lid on sleepovers, since he wasn't invited to the last one.

I was a bit surprised, as none of these kids are near physical or psychological puberty.

Oh well. I guess it's societal pressure.

[Anonymous]

My DD has one friend from elementary school who's a boy and a good friend now in middle who is a boy. She has sleepovers with the one from elementary about twice a year. I would let the middle school boy sleep over here. I think if I caught a whiff of puppy love I'd stop it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
10 year old DS's best friend is a girl. I think her mother has put the lid on sleepovers, since he wasn't invited to the last one.

I was a bit surprised, as none of these kids are near physical or psychological puberty.

Oh well. I guess it's societal pressure.

PP here. My son doesn't get invited to his friend's sleepover parties....just solo sleepovers. That is fine. He doesn't know the other girls well and it he probably wouldn't enjoy it.

I know other parents think we are naive in letting them have sleepovers, but we are monitoring it and there hasn't ever been a mention of puppy love, marrying anyone, or the like.

[Anonymous]

My 7 yo DD's best friend is a 7 yo boy - our neighbor. It would never occur to me for them to have a sleepover in the first place. They can see each other whenever they want - except while sleeping.

[Anonymous]

I would never have allowed this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
10 year old DS's best friend is a girl. I think her mother has put the lid on sleepovers, since he wasn't invited to the last one.

I was a bit surprised, as none of these kids are near physical or psychological puberty.

Oh well. I guess it's societal pressure.

PP here. My son doesn't get invited to his friend's sleepover parties....just solo sleepovers. That is fine. He doesn't know the other girls well and it he probably wouldn't enjoy it.

I know other parents think we are naive in letting them have sleepovers, but we are monitoring it and there hasn't ever been a mention of puppy love, marrying anyone, or the like.

PP you responded to. I agree with the first part. However the impropriety will likely not start with public declarations of love - and this is the reason for most parents' worry: it will be covert and touching each other during the night, out of curiosity. I know this is very far from my son's mind, as well as very far from his friend's mind *right now*. But I personally experienced this when I had a sleepover with my best friend, a boy, when we were both 12. He wanted us to show off our private parts, and maybe would have gone further had I not told him to go to sleep, already! That was when I told my mother: no more sleepovers with him!
So, I know what can happen, and we as parents do need to be careful.

[Anonymous]

I would stop it now. By age 9 there are some kids getting their first kiss/long smooch, etc. When I worked at a private school some kids reported there was a make-out birthday party-non sleepover-just a few hours. Enough shocked kids came forward that we let the parents know what was being said so they could clarify and they said they monitored the party closely, but would talk to their son. Sure enough he confessed that he and his "girlfriend" and some other couples had madeout. The parents were completely shocked and embarrassed this had gone on when they were frequently checking on things. These aren't naïve people either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never have allowed this

+1. Looks too much like inviting trouble.

[Anonymous]

I was playing doctor with my opposite sex friend by the time we were both 7. Chances are that OP's DS and friends are already doing it. Totally normal btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was playing doctor with my opposite sex friend by the time we were both 7. Chances are that OP's DS and friends are already doing it. Totally normal btw.

Same here. I'm genuinely surprised that most posters haven't had similar experiences.