In laws lifestyle 'hobby' vis a vis our children

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10/26/2015 17:16

Subject: In laws lifestyle 'hobby' vis a vis our children

quote

Anonymous

let's say your inlaws were particularly snobby about a hobby that is already up there on the snobbiness scale. Pick whatever you want.

They are snobby to the point of appearing very casual about this sport.

Let's say you were not particularly fanatic about it, but had a longterm exposure to this sport growing up yourself, and are not only competent but enjoy it thoroughly. You were taught through people who genuinely cared about it but were never part of the elite social scene, and you honestly never knew that it was a sport that could be such a status marker. the people you knew were just in it for the love of it, and were sometimes working two jobs to stay involved, but not to flaunt their wealth or hang about in fancy spots. etc.

Over the course of nearly a decade, you are never invited, to participate in this activity, and are graceful about it. Actually, you are invited once, and openly mocked, and left behind before you can even join. Its not something where you can just join in yourself, it requires something of an invitation to participate, or your own independent access to such a place. (My family had piecemealed all of this together in something of an embarrasing way, I now realize. )

Then you have a few children and the inlaws are all about indoctrinating them to this thing, their way, and in a stunning show, are still not interested in having you join. As in they say repeatedly, "let me take your children and for x, it will be great", without ever extending an invitation to you.

For the first time, this feels extremely uncomfortable to me, almost as a form of bullying. I am thinking of writing them a letter that says, sorry, this is uncomfortable, [please do not invite our children to participate without making it more of a family activity. But even beyond that, I'm so struck by this behavior that I want to discourage the sport, which tears me up slightly. My major concern is what if they teach my children to act this way?! My second is that it sends some weird message for all of these extended relatives to do something with my children but continually exclude me. I realize that has the capacity to sound like sour grapes, but its not. I wouldn't have lasted a decade without this issue rearing its head. I was busy with my own life, and paid little attention to their pettiness. And thirdly, it is also dangerous, so I am also concerned from that angle.

My other idea, is to do it on a seasonal basis, without too much emphasis, so that my children learn the basics with me, and then we just limit exposure to the in laws tremendously. We don't mix in their circles anyway, so it is not as if at some point it would be weird for us to not do this with them. Then I can sort of make some memories with my children in a more objective setting, and I don't need to worry about any of their nonsense.

I realize this might sound ridiculous or petty, but I am looking for recommendations.

Do I say anything to them? Or just go ahead with my plan.

Have at it. I am expecting the most ridiculous DCUM has to offer. Hoping for one or two genuine ones.