S/O I was the OW and I told the wife
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Anonymous
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I posted this in a different thread, but hit submit too soon.
I once dated a nice, attractive man who took me to his place, introduced me to his friends, and called himself my boyfriend. He worked long hours, so I did not see him on a regular basis, but I understood because we both worked long hours. A year into things, I received an email on New Year's Eve from a woman identifying herself as his wife. She told me that she had seen some of my texts to her husband and that both of them wanted me to stop stalking him. I had no idea what she was talking about and called him immediately. He didn't answer. I called over and over to no response. I started to become suspicious. I waited two hours and then called him from my friend's phone just in case he was avoiding my calls. He answered immediately. As soon as I demanded to know what was going on, he said his connection was bad and hung up. At that point, I knew I had been had and that he was laying low while lying to the wife. I googled her name (from email address), found out that they shared a home in the suburbs. I guess the city condo was his secret pad. I emailed her and told her everything, including the fact that he had a condo and his friends had met me. I even told her about his exes who I knew about who he must have dated while still married to her. I also forwarded her emails he had written me, FedExed her copies of receipts, photos etc. Having given her all the evidence she would ever need to bring him to his knees, I blocked her email address and moved. Never looked back. Fast forward a couple of years, the wife emailed me from a different account. She says he has cheated yet again and she is finally ready to deal with his cheating. She says she has no one to talk to because so many in their circle knew without telling her that she doesn't know who to trust. She wants to ask me questions. I think she is just lost and terrified and alone. Do I owe her anything? Should I just ignore her? |
Anonymous
| It would be nice of you to meet her. If you were lost and terrified and alone, I'm sure you would appreciate someone being kind enough to listen to you. Treat her how you would hope someone would treat you. |
Anonymous
Or maybe she's enraged, crazy, and out for revenge. I don't think I'd take that bait. |
Anonymous
| I would ignore. You have given her WAY more info than you should have. |
Anonymous
This. You don't need to invite her be your bestie, but just be kind to her. |
Anonymous
| You've done all you needed to do. I'd let her know that you have long since moved on and wish her well. You both know she'll be better off without him. |
Anonymous
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Op here. She is clearly in a very bad place and I kind of feel for her. But she was a real asshole in the e-mail she sent me two years ago.
Called me names and typed insults in caps, accused me of being crazy and threatened to take "appropriate steps" if I didn't stop "stalking" him. I mean, come on. Since when do women stalk men with amorous texts? It was her husband who duped both of us. It all sounds very messy and I am in such a good place now that I hesitate to revisit all of this. At the same time, I did send her all that info and feel strangely partly responsible for her pain. I, myself, am tied up in knots about this. |
Anonymous
| Heh this sounds like the plot to "the other woman." I would meet with her and help her. Or at the very least answer her calls. |
Anonymous
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SAHM mom here: forgive me, but doesn't she have a mother, sisters, friends or cousins for support? No church? No Facebook or book club friends or friends from high school?
Taking your post at face value, you gave her tons of information and made a clean break. Frankly, you didn't even owe her that since her wayward DH lied to you. You could have just walked (run?) away from the both of them. You've done more than your share. You've been honest, even generous, to her. You're free to go. If she's interfering with your life, she needs to confront her DH and go forward. |
Anonymous
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I would ignore. She has more than enough proof and information to make a decision, no need to ask any more questions and if she does feel the need, it's not your responsibility to answer her questions. .
I say this as a wife, I'd definitely want to know and I might drag it out by demanding answers of anyone I thought had them but in the long run, what would that help? What more could she possibly want to know? All questions need to be directed to an attorney. |
Anonymous
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Do not meet up. Just ignore.
Like you said, you've made a clean break and moved on with your life. No need to drag this back into your life. |
Anonymous
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Would not touch it with a 10 foot pole.
Why would you want to take on that level of drama? What do you think his reaction will be once he finds out you are in cahoots with his wife? You have done more than enough - so exit stage left. |
Anonymous
+1 There is no need for you to go back and rehash any of this. You gave her the info, SHE chose to stay with him anyway and he did it again. What a shock! Not. |
Anonymous
| What? You dated him for a year and didn't know he was married? Hmmm... |
Anonymous
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Stop inviting drama into your world.
Do not answer the email. I don't really believe your post is real, but in your fantasy story you don't email her back. |