+1. Many of these responses are ridiculous to the point I think the Russian bots are trying to stir the pot. DC’s father, my ex, had a mental health breakdown due to work stress (military). This caused him to become abusive towards our family and we divorced. Ex and DC got into a fight one day, and ex said he was done being his dad (and that he would hurt DC if DC ever went to his home again). I have on occasion asked DC if they had any thoughts they wanted to discuss. DC really hasn’t. DC said they know their father has a mental health condition and it wasn’t DC’s fault. DC doesn’t want ex in their life unless they go to therapy together. Ex doesn’t want to do that. I don’t think it’s wrong to check in with your kid after a traumatic life event. It would be negligent to pretend it never happened and not provide a safe space for your kid to discuss feelings with you. |
Don’t worry OP, the PPs are all the same person with an axe to grind. Some bitter divorced dad no doubt. |
OP, stop responding to these moralizing a-holes. Your story is completely plausible. There is nothing DCUM loves more than to shame and further abuse victims of DV and spousal abuse. It’s pathetic really and has made me detest this site, seeing what sorts of people are here. |
This is not op situation. Op is upset her ex remarried. |
This thread is completely toxic. Report it for deletion.
OP, I'm sorry. |
Yes, but continue to offer to talk an to offer anything you think might help, because your words will bubble up to the surface, right when they start processing and understanding the trauma. |
He said he was fine so stop trying to screw him up for life! |
+1 It sounds like this poster is so angry "Stop bringing up old $#it, never mind that I did that, it's in the past" and maybe he's mellowed but that undercurrent is there and it's important to keep your guard up |
I will most certainly impact him in negative ways at some point. Probably already has, but like most teenagers he probably 1) lacks insight into it at this point, or 2) isn’t going to tell you about it. |
Good catch. |
Son doesn't remember parents ever being together. The trigger is mom upset Dad is getting remarried. |
This is good advice. However. Sounds like not much exposure to the dad or DV situation after age 3.5 so I’d stop harping on too many potential issues. He is unlikely to remember anything beyond photos or what he overhears as an older child. Like the Venice trip. Is he remembering that from age 2 or 3 or remembering the photos of it it saw last month? He wasn’t around the bad siatuation long enough to become his father. So drop that notion. He’s unlikely to wake up one day when he’s married and has a toddler and all these bad dad memories come flooding back. That’s really unlikely OP. Glad you divorced when he was so young. You are brave and did the right thing, quickly |
What does that even mean? The dad had custody time and was abusing his Wife #2? And who witnessed this or what has she said and are they together or is he on to wedding #3 soon? |
You are currently messing up your kid by how you are talking to him. His father may have been the problem before, but be very clear, THE PROBLEM IS YOU. Get therapy and stop pressuring your kid to hate his dad. Get the kid therapy too because you are not a person he can trust. |
He may not have been abusive and mom may be using that as an excuse. Who knows. But, clearly its not an issue now but Mom still wants to punish him and stop the relationship. |