Can you explain kids sports in this region for me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks for all the sane replies. I think it is this area that the competitiveness of the parents come out. Whether its sports or academics - the amount of PUSH that comes from parents at such a young age is totally disconcerting for me.

My sister and I were both captains of all our varsity teams, top 10 in our classes in high school and college, but our parents weren't really involved in much. They drove us to sports and told us to apply for college. That was about it.

In the DMV its just a constant barrage of parents pushing their kids to do travel sports, Kumon math, tutoring, etc starting at kindergarten. Not sure where it ends.

This is 100% IMO where the overbearing parents who cant let their kids go or fail or anything because theyve hyper-invested in their kids and their kids have never self-driven themselves on any area of their life. Their parents have structured their entire life and the resulting kids dont know how to overcome adversity by themselves, train/practice/learn by themselves, etc.

Totally disagree with your statement. It appears you have not realized that screens have totally changed childhood. When we were kids (I’m in my 40’s) you had to make a lot of your own fun you rode bikes with friends, you mowed lawns for pocket money, played pick up basketball etc. now all of these kids have access to all the electronic entertainment they could ever want. As a result if you don’t want a kid Who is overweight out of shape and very little social contact you have to be intentional about your kids’ activities in a way that our parents didn’t.

All of these enrichment activities are way easier than doing it on your own. You could set up weekly play dates for your kids go bike riding with them take them to the playground every day etc. or you could drop them off at the field somewhere. I’ve done both and I can tell you the sports are way easier.

You are talking about exposure and enrichment. I was responding about intensive pushing and hyper investment in "elite" activities at 6 and 7.

I had the same childhood as you (38). My kid receives nothing beyond TV and Chromebook while at school. He has 0 video games and 0 personal devices. You are the access to screens.

And yes sports are easier, but I also roll my eyes at parents who are dropping off Kindergarteners at practice. Its also not all or nothing. They can do rec soccer 2 practices a week and then do the playground 2 times a week.

Rec soccer is 2 hours a week. I think you’re being dismissive of the tremendous amount of time you need to soak up in the course of a year. I was grateful for all of the travel sports my kids did - it kept them active, they made great friends and as a bonus they were competitive in highschool. I think what you are saying is that you don’t like the attitude that some parents have. I get that. But here’s the solution- don’t have that attitude.

DP and I agree with the PP you are responding to - you are the access to screens. If you want your kid playing in the yard, send them out into the yard. Is it roaming the neighborhood in packs 1970s style? No, but it's also not screens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks for all the sane replies. I think it is this area that the competitiveness of the parents come out. Whether its sports or academics - the amount of PUSH that comes from parents at such a young age is totally disconcerting for me.

My sister and I were both captains of all our varsity teams, top 10 in our classes in high school and college, but our parents weren't really involved in much. They drove us to sports and told us to apply for college. That was about it.

In the DMV its just a constant barrage of parents pushing their kids to do travel sports, Kumon math, tutoring, etc starting at kindergarten. Not sure where it ends.

This is 100% IMO where the overbearing parents who cant let their kids go or fail or anything because theyve hyper-invested in their kids and their kids have never self-driven themselves on any area of their life. Their parents have structured their entire life and the resulting kids dont know how to overcome adversity by themselves, train/practice/learn by themselves, etc.

Totally disagree with your statement. It appears you have not realized that screens have totally changed childhood. When we were kids (I’m in my 40’s) you had to make a lot of your own fun you rode bikes with friends, you mowed lawns for pocket money, played pick up basketball etc. now all of these kids have access to all the electronic entertainment they could ever want. As a result if you don’t want a kid Who is overweight out of shape and very little social contact you have to be intentional about your kids’ activities in a way that our parents didn’t.

All of these enrichment activities are way easier than doing it on your own. You could set up weekly play dates for your kids go bike riding with them take them to the playground every day etc. or you could drop them off at the field somewhere. I’ve done both and I can tell you the sports are way easier.

You are talking about exposure and enrichment. I was responding about intensive pushing and hyper investment in "elite" activities at 6 and 7.

I had the same childhood as you (38). My kid receives nothing beyond TV and Chromebook while at school. He has 0 video games and 0 personal devices. You are the access to screens.

And yes sports are easier, but I also roll my eyes at parents who are dropping off Kindergarteners at practice. Its also not all or nothing. They can do rec soccer 2 practices a week and then do the playground 2 times a week.

Rec soccer is 2 hours a week. I think you’re being dismissive of the tremendous amount of time you need to soak up in the course of a year. I was grateful for all of the travel sports my kids did - it kept them active, they made great friends and as a bonus they were competitive in highschool. I think what you are saying is that you don’t like the attitude that some parents have. I get that. But here’s the solution- don’t have that attitude.

We will agree to disagree that travel sports are the only option for "filling the year" and making kids competitive. My attitude is about other parents suggesting that a 6-year-old cant do winter basketball because they should work on their skills during winter in a skills camp. It is counter to every single thing that elite athletes, elite coaches, and scientific research has shown is appropriate for their age and future.

[Anonymous]

The kids who are really good do often start early. Not all the kids who start early will be good. You don’t need to put your kid in some intense training at age 6-7. If you start training more than once per week in middle school, that is probably too late. You will know if your kid is talented.

I have a friend who really wanted her kids to be elite athletes. She started them so early, always taking them to tryouts. The kids are athletic but didn’t have the heart. No amount of pushing by an aggressive parent will make the kid a great athlete. And just because your kid has the heart and effort doesn’t necessarily mean the kid will be an elite athlete either.

It is a mix of genetics, passion, grit and parent support.

[Anonymous]

I have an 8-year-old who loves soccer and is pretty good. But OP - we are sticking with rec. With fulltime work and other children - I just can’t facilitate travel and stay sane. Their school also lets out very late, so even one evening practice a week is challenging.

My kid is on a team fall and spring, plus seems to play daily at recess. To me, that’s a lot of soccer.

In speaking with other parents, it’s possible to transition to travel in middle school. I would consider that if they are interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The topic in the title is valid. there needs to be some primer for new parents on where to even start. When I was young, you just joined the local rec leagues then in high school that’s kind of where the good athletes separated.

Now it’s so damn complicated with multiple local rec leagues, travel teams, private teams, private coaching - like wth changed?

Money. Money was available and organizations pounced.

That said, it's still not that complicated. Ask your neighbors what the good leagues in your area are. Talk about it with parents at school. Sign your kids up to play things with friends. It shakes out from there.

While partly true, I do think one big reason for the change is the internet. Before, only UMC, wealthy, and connected people had access to the info of what made their kids so much better than the middle and working class. There’s no going back to the bad old days of when only the privileged knew how to help their kids.

[Anonymous]

Time and money. Lots of it. I have a friend whose son plays football. I swear he’s playing it right now and it’s not even in-season. She’s considering sending him to a “host family” all school year next year, because it’s close to a a former NFL player who coaches kids. They are always out of town, always spending money, always playing football.

I have only a few years left until we see if this lands him on a big college team.

[Anonymous]

People in this area and in general are just insane about sports. It's like a religion.

I am convinced a lot of travel league is just one big cash grab scam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - thanks for all the sane replies. I think it is this area that the competitiveness of the parents come out. Whether its sports or academics - the amount of PUSH that comes from parents at such a young age is totally disconcerting for me.

My sister and I were both captains of all our varsity teams, top 10 in our classes in high school and college, but our parents weren't really involved in much. They drove us to sports and told us to apply for college. That was about it.

In the DMV its just a constant barrage of parents pushing their kids to do travel sports, Kumon math, tutoring, etc starting at kindergarten. Not sure where it ends.

This post comes off as very judgmental.

Times have changed. As your kids get older, you will understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in this area and in general are just insane about sports. It's like a religion.

I am convinced a lot of travel league is just one big cash grab scam.

It is not just this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids who are really good do often start early. Not all the kids who start early will be good. You don’t need to put your kid in some intense training at age 6-7. If you start training more than once per week in middle school, that is probably too late. You will know if your kid is talented.

I have a friend who really wanted her kids to be elite athletes. She started them so early, always taking them to tryouts. The kids are athletic but didn’t have the heart. No amount of pushing by an aggressive parent will make the kid a great athlete. And just because your kid has the heart and effort doesn’t necessarily mean the kid will be an elite athlete either.

It is a mix of genetics, passion, grit and parent support.

Agree. But if you click down on parent support there have been studies on elite and pre-elite athletes that show they are far more likely to have parents were elite or pre-elite athletes. These studies posit it is not just genes it also the fact that parents who were pre-elite or elite athletes can better understand how to support their children emotionally and navigate the rec-travel etc landscape. That said, as PP wrote: kids can only get so far based on parental support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids who are really good do often start early. Not all the kids who start early will be good. You don’t need to put your kid in some intense training at age 6-7. If you start training more than once per week in middle school, that is probably too late. You will know if your kid is talented.

I have a friend who really wanted her kids to be elite athletes. She started them so early, always taking them to tryouts. The kids are athletic but didn’t have the heart. No amount of pushing by an aggressive parent will make the kid a great athlete. And just because your kid has the heart and effort doesn’t necessarily mean the kid will be an elite athlete either.

It is a mix of genetics, passion, grit and parent support.

Agree. But if you click down on parent support there have been studies on elite and pre-elite athletes that show they are far more likely to have parents were elite or pre-elite athletes. These studies posit it is not just genes it also the fact that parents who were pre-elite or elite athletes can better understand how to support their children emotionally and navigate the rec-travel etc landscape. That said, as PP wrote: kids can only get so far based on parental support.

I don’t disagree with you. I have never heard the term pre elite before. DH was a tennis and soccer player. My boys played tennis and soccer from a very young age. My kids both dropped soccer but both play tennis. My oldest is borderline tennis recruit level. My younger son is a better tennis player but seems to like basketball more.

I already feel my high school kid has so much on his plate with his rigorous courseload and varsity sports schedule. I don’t know how much more tennis he can play but then we see his peers who go to school half time to train 5 hours per day. They are not that much better than DS and we know he could be just as good if he also played that much.

I just want my kids to go to a good college and have a happy life. I am not trying to necessarily have elite athletes. DH is the one who pushes for sports since our kids are so good at it.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. It is natural for parents to want their kids to be and do better than themselves. When the parents themselves were at a high level and the bar has risen so much over the years, parents start kids earlier and train harder.

All three of my kids can run circles around me and Dh when we were their same age. They are stronger than us in every way. Yet I’m not sure my kids will even be able to attend the same colleges and grad schools Dh and I attended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids who are really good do often start early. Not all the kids who start early will be good. You don’t need to put your kid in some intense training at age 6-7. If you start training more than once per week in middle school, that is probably too late. You will know if your kid is talented.

I have a friend who really wanted her kids to be elite athletes. She started them so early, always taking them to tryouts. The kids are athletic but didn’t have the heart. No amount of pushing by an aggressive parent will make the kid a great athlete. And just because your kid has the heart and effort doesn’t necessarily mean the kid will be an elite athlete either.

It is a mix of genetics, passion, grit and parent support.

Agree. But if you click down on parent support there have been studies on elite and pre-elite athletes that show they are far more likely to have parents were elite or pre-elite athletes. These studies posit it is not just genes it also the fact that parents who were pre-elite or elite athletes can better understand how to support their children emotionally and navigate the rec-travel etc landscape. That said, as PP wrote: kids can only get so far based on parental support.

I don’t disagree with you. I have never heard the term pre elite before. DH was a tennis and soccer player. My boys played tennis and soccer from a very young age. My kids both dropped soccer but both play tennis. My oldest is borderline tennis recruit level. My younger son is a better tennis player but seems to like basketball more.

I already feel my high school kid has so much on his plate with his rigorous courseload and varsity sports schedule. I don’t know how much more tennis he can play but then we see his peers who go to school half time to train 5 hours per day. They are not that much better than DS and we know he could be just as good if he also played that much.

I just want my kids to go to a good college and have a happy life. I am not trying to necessarily have elite athletes. DH is the one who pushes for sports since our kids are so good at it.

What do you mean by borderline recruit? It is nearly impossible to play at a good D1 team for boys

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids who are really good do often start early. Not all the kids who start early will be good. You don’t need to put your kid in some intense training at age 6-7. If you start training more than once per week in middle school, that is probably too late. You will know if your kid is talented.

I have a friend who really wanted her kids to be elite athletes. She started them so early, always taking them to tryouts. The kids are athletic but didn’t have the heart. No amount of pushing by an aggressive parent will make the kid a great athlete. And just because your kid has the heart and effort doesn’t necessarily mean the kid will be an elite athlete either.

It is a mix of genetics, passion, grit and parent support.

Agree. But if you click down on parent support there have been studies on elite and pre-elite athletes that show they are far more likely to have parents were elite or pre-elite athletes. These studies posit it is not just genes it also the fact that parents who were pre-elite or elite athletes can better understand how to support their children emotionally and navigate the rec-travel etc landscape. That said, as PP wrote: kids can only get so far based on parental support.

I don’t disagree with you. I have never heard the term pre elite before. DH was a tennis and soccer player. My boys played tennis and soccer from a very young age. My kids both dropped soccer but both play tennis. My oldest is borderline tennis recruit level. My younger son is a better tennis player but seems to like basketball more.

I already feel my high school kid has so much on his plate with his rigorous courseload and varsity sports schedule. I don’t know how much more tennis he can play but then we see his peers who go to school half time to train 5 hours per day. They are not that much better than DS and we know he could be just as good if he also played that much.

I just want my kids to go to a good college and have a happy life. I am not trying to necessarily have elite athletes. DH is the one who pushes for sports since our kids are so good at it.

What do you mean by borderline recruit? It is nearly impossible to play at a good D1 team for boys

My kid only started high school. I have been talking to other parents of high school juniors and seniors and just starting to learn the process. I do not expect my child to be a D1 recruit. He could be a D3 recruit. I was listening to a podcast recently about the world of sports recruiting and it is intense. My kid has done some summer camps over the years. One sports academy is a boarding school and invited my son to become a boarding student. There are students who are elite athletes and then there are kids like my son who are strong students and strong athletes. The school could place both kinds of athletes at top colleges. We didn’t go that route.

[Anonymous]

I watch my nieces parents hustle her around nonstop to camps, private trainers etc and eventually got a full ride to a D1 school. She had multiple knee surgeries from HS through early college until she had to stop. She can't even walk right anymore.