Am I being petty or dignified?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should note that this team lead has had issues with other colleagues. So no one was shocked that he had an issue with me.

PP. That's good to hear that it's not just you. So then stick to this manner with him and be your normal self with others.

I had a similar scenario with a coworker. I am normally friendly and laid back. Being completely businesslike to everyone like some PPs suggest may sound good on paper but the reality is that it is not good EQ.

Anyway, this person has had issues with most of our team and has gone to HR about half of them. I was the most recent target. I scaled back everything I write/say/do to be extremely dry and professional. Can't risk something being taken the wrong way. It's completely obvious that my demeanor has changed, and you know what - good. Actions have consequences. Going to HR about every little thing with every single person leads to people distancing themselves from you.

So yes, OP. We are being a little petty. But over-distancing is better than giving them fodder for more complaints.

Thanks so much for your reply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sorry people can’t follow this thread. Your English is great and what you are saying makes sense. It sounds like he doesn’t take feedback or critique well. You should not waste time giving him feedback he won’t use. However, if you have a responsibility to provide a certain amount of review, make sure you are doing so. You certainly don’t need to go above and beyond like you would for someone who is more collaborative.

Frankly you are looking for a cultural “right” answer but most people don’t handle these situations well. They get passive aggressive or they purposely antagonize the other person and make it a power struggle. So, keep being polite and don’t let this person get to you, but feel free to be more formal or more curt if they are essentially wasting your time and ignoring your input.

Wow thank you. This is exactly the feedback I was looking for.

Apparently OP only wanted feedback that completely agreed with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, he said you were dramatic and you immediately told on him and demanded to be allowed to work with him. You proved his point. Tons of exclamation points are immature.

He’s supposed to send me his work. Not sending it to me disrupts the workflow (quote from his supervisor).

Then that is the issue, OP. Not him saying you were "dramatic."

And to answer your question, yes, you should continue to be courteous. Not saying "thank you" and such is indeed petty.

[Anonymous]

You sound dramatic, to be honest. I can't imagine going to someone's supervisor and whining because they said they didn't want to work with me! Wow.

[Anonymous]

I guess my question is why do you care?

He’s clearly somebody that you’re really don’t want to get along with other than an
amicable work relationship.

Why are you wasting emotional resources with this?

[Anonymous]

The person is allowed to express an opinion about you. Your direct report told you this for what reason? They could have kept it to themselves and shut down the gossip mill. But no, they told you; then you told your boss and demanded he police someone from expressing a criticism of you, based on gossip you heard. That was indeed petty.

You should have kept that separate from the issue of you reviewing his work. Assuming that this has been a worsening problem, asking your supervisor to have a meeting with the three of you to discuss a clear process for reviewing his work would have been professional.

I started out getting offended at little stuff like this. You will be much happier if you learn to choose your battles wisely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sorry people can’t follow this thread. Your English is great and what you are saying makes sense. It sounds like he doesn’t take feedback or critique well. You should not waste time giving him feedback he won’t use. However, if you have a responsibility to provide a certain amount of review, make sure you are doing so. You certainly don’t need to go above and beyond like you would for someone who is more collaborative.

Frankly you are looking for a cultural “right” answer but most people don’t handle these situations well. They get passive aggressive or they purposely antagonize the other person and make it a power struggle. So, keep being polite and don’t let this person get to you, but feel free to be more formal or more curt if they are essentially wasting your time and ignoring your input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sorry people can’t follow this thread. Your English is great and what you are saying makes sense. It sounds like he doesn’t take feedback or critique well. You should not waste time giving him feedback he won’t use. However, if you have a responsibility to provide a certain amount of review, make sure you are doing so. You certainly don’t need to go above and beyond like you would for someone who is more collaborative.

Frankly you are looking for a cultural “right” answer but most people don’t handle these situations well. They get passive aggressive or they purposely antagonize the other person and make it a power struggle. So, keep being polite and don’t let this person get to you, but feel free to be more formal or more curt if they are essentially wasting your time and ignoring your input.

You are totally overlooking the fact thst she escalated this minor mattet (her words). never ever do that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your writing comes across as muddled.
I cannot understand what you are trying to say

Sorry, English is not my first language. The gist of my question was, how would you behave with someone who slighted you at work? Would you be more formal or same as before?

You are way overthinking this. Take it down a notch with him and carry on with the rest of your work. I think escalating it to your manager was actually a dramatic response.

It wasn’t a dramatic response because he was refusing to send me his work to review. I escalated that to my manager and added the him calling me dramatic bit because that’s why he said he won’t send me work.

It was a dramatic response to being called dramatic. That's what people are trying to explain. Are you on the spectrum? I'm wondering why this isnt sinking in.

Everyone doesnt have to like you. And b****ing to your boss about someone calling you dramatic and demanding he change is definitely not going to make them like you any more... more likely the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your writing comes across as muddled.
I cannot understand what you are trying to say

Sorry, English is not my first language. The gist of my question was, how would you behave with someone who slighted you at work? Would you be more formal or same as before?

You are way overthinking this. Take it down a notch with him and carry on with the rest of your work. I think escalating it to your manager was actually a dramatic response.

It wasn’t a dramatic response because he was refusing to send me his work to review. I escalated that to my manager and added the him calling me dramatic bit because that’s why he said he won’t send me work.

It was a dramatic response to being called dramatic. That's what people are trying to explain. Are you on the spectrum? I'm wondering why this isnt sinking in.

Everyone doesnt have to like you. And b****ing to your boss about someone calling you dramatic and demanding he change is definitely not going to make them like you any more... more likely the opposite.

Not true at all. This is actually imo fairly mature of op. When the coworker didn’t pass the work for review, she escalated it (appropriate) and when asked why, OP relayed why. A lot of people would be putting their spin on the situation to look better and OP did not. It’s not dramatic to state what actually happened if it’s blocking your work.

There are people who are just ridiculous/impossible to work with and it’s honestly best to just escalate it and not get into a power struggle. In this case it was confirmed that the other person is the issue.