Don't sacrifice everything for your children

[Anonymous]

You will be get the level of appreciation you deserve, most likely.

But you are doing it out of love, not the need for affirmation.

[Anonymous]

How 'bout everyone mind their business about what other people "should do"? Sanctimommies are out in force on this thread.

[Anonymous]

No sacrifice. DH and I, do what we think is best for our kids, willingly.

This means putting their wellbeing, health, upbringing, education above all else.

This also means having a wonderful and loving marital life so that our kids feel secure and loved.

[Anonymous]

Idk about sacrifice, but focusing energy, time and resources on them while they are growing up, yes. But it's been fun and enriching for us too. We've done so many things (activities like camping, fishing, new sports, travel...) we'd never have done without them in addition to the simple rewarding fun of seeing kids grow. Mine are almost grown and it really was all in the blink of an eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No sacrifice. DH and I, do what we think is best for our kids, willingly.

This means putting their wellbeing, health, upbringing, education above all else.

This also means having a wonderful and loving marital life so that our kids feel secure and loved.

Do you and your DH have your own lives, friends, interests, etc?

[Anonymous]

I am from the generation where a lot of women gave up their careers to be SAHM's and bitterly resented it and had no problem telling their kids that. My mom had two master's degrees and gave up her teaching career, which she loved when she had three kids. Later, she went back to work as a receptionist at my dad's dentists' office, because it provided more flexibility -- but she bitterly resented having a dumb job that didn't challenge her intellectually. We were well aware of this and we felt really guilty. It was all our fault for wanting piano lessons or whatever. Granted, some of this was probably my mom's mental health issues and maybe there are some remarkably well adjusted women (and men) who can walk away from a rewarding, fulfilling career that they have dreamed about since they were little in order to drive car pool who don't resent it or take it out on their kids -= but it's unreasonable to think that everyone is going to be that selfless. And if you say "Well, anyone who's not that selfless should never have children", well, don't be surprised with the current population declines.

It's also difficult as a woman to look at a situation where men still often give up remarkably little and still get to have kids and family fun on vacations, etc. All of the joy and none of the sacrifice.

Parents, particularly mothers, of a child with severe disability should especially take heed of these examples: it's all too easy to fall into the trap of putting all of your energy and resources into your disabled son or daughter, and in the early years when there's a chance of real progress such might make sense if you have no other children, but when it's been five or more years and little or no progress has been made, one has to take heed and ask yourself whether you want to be in the exact same place in twenty years or whether you want to have found some measure of happiness and satisfaction in that time because you invested energy and focus in your own development and ambitions.