Redshirting pressure from private school!

[Anonymous]

I feel like I am being pressured to redshirt my son born in August, who is eligible to start Kind. in the fall. I thought for sure that he was ready for K but have noticed since day 1 of visiting the school that it seems to be set on the notion that children with summer birthdays (esp. boys) are better off waiting until they are 6. Call me naive, but I was floored that all this was going on. When I was in school, no one seemed to give birthdays a second thought. We had kids who skipped grades, but no one who "started late," and very few who were "held back." Being young and excelling was more admirable than being old and excelling...At this school, I have learned that several are redshirted, esp. the boys, and several boys and girls repeat K each year (the school points out that it's mostly the younger ones). Also floored that the school told me that is has recommended that a girl with a September birthday be held back based on her age and maturity alone -- even though, acc. to the teacher, "If I were giving grades, though, she'd be a straight A student." Does this seem justified to you? Why oh why would you ever hold back a straight-A student based on relative age alone? Has school really changed that much? The school looks at everything in terms of "maturational" development and does not seem to balance maturity with academic ability at all -- i.e., Yes, your son could be reading War and Peace and doing long divsion, but that doesn't mean that he's ready to start K from a maturational perspective. Does this make sense to you? What would a precocious child then do? Learn A-B-C's in pre-school for another year? It seems that they would rather have a class full of 6 year olds, regardless of academic ability, than have some very precocious 4 or 5 year-olds thrown into the mix. Sure, the young ones without the fine motor ability aren't going to be able to do cursive or calligraphy in K, but what the heck? Is this normal? BTW, the other parents totally buy into this, so now I fear that my August b-day would be at a disadvantage w/ boys a year-and-a-half older. And, to make matters worse, now that my husband has heard about all of this, he is beginning to like the idea of delaying K and has mentioned how ds would be at a disadvantage for sports otherwise! What do you guys think? Before you ask, yes, I have thought about looking into other schools, but this is the mots convenient one for use and the one we had planned to send him prior to all of this coming to light. Am I just guaranteeing that he will perpetually be behind the others and that the school will recommend that he repeat K if I dare to send him on time?

[Anonymous]

OP here: I forgot to add that the school does ultimately leave it up to the parents -- after giving the parents the doom-and-gloom lecture about many summer birthdays struggling with school and having to repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I am being pressured to redshirt my son born in August, who is eligible to start Kind. in the fall. I thought for sure that he was ready for K but have noticed since day 1 of visiting the school that it seems to be set on the notion that children with summer birthdays (esp. boys) are better off waiting until they are 6. Call me naive, but I was floored that all this was going on. When I was in school, no one seemed to give birthdays a second thought. We had kids who skipped grades, but no one who "started late," and very few who were "held back." Being young and excelling was more admirable than being old and excelling...At this school, I have learned that several are redshirted, esp. the boys, and several boys and girls repeat K each year (the school points out that it's mostly the younger ones). Also floored that the school told me that is has recommended that a girl with a September birthday be held back based on her age and maturity alone -- even though, acc. to the teacher, "If I were giving grades, though, she'd be a straight A student." Does this seem justified to you? Why oh why would you ever hold back a straight-A student based on relative age alone? Has school really changed that much? The school looks at everything in terms of "maturational" development and does not seem to balance maturity with academic ability at all -- i.e., Yes, your son could be reading War and Peace and doing long divsion, but that doesn't mean that he's ready to start K from a maturational perspective. Does this make sense to you? What would a precocious child then do? Learn A-B-C's in pre-school for another year? It seems that they would rather have a class full of 6 year olds, regardless of academic ability, than have some very precocious 4 or 5 year-olds thrown into the mix. Sure, the young ones without the fine motor ability aren't going to be able to do cursive or calligraphy in K, but what the heck? Is this normal? BTW, the other parents totally buy into this, so now I fear that my August b-day would be at a disadvantage w/ boys a year-and-a-half older. And, to make matters worse, now that my husband has heard about all of this, he is beginning to like the idea of delaying K and has mentioned how ds would be at a disadvantage for sports otherwise! What do you guys think? Before you ask, yes, I have thought about looking into other schools, but this is the mots convenient one for use and the one we had planned to send him prior to all of this coming to light. Am I just guaranteeing that he will perpetually be behind the others and that the school will recommend that he repeat K if I dare to send him on time?

We felt the same pressure from school & have an academically advanced child. We decided not to apply at all to some of the big private schools because as parents we just really felt that holding our child back another year would not be the right choice at all for our child. I got the impression at some schools that kids with late summer birthdays who do not self-red flag are simply rejected; the "leaving it up to the parents" really meant that you can decide what to apply for, but we're likely to reject you if you don't self-red-shirt.

[Anonymous]

I hate hearing this! I wish I had more than anecedotal evidence to base this on, but I'm convinced that the reason private schools push this (as ours did, but not as pressurized as you describe) is that they want another year of guaranteed tuition.

I'm with you, OP. "When I was coming along," (granted, 100 years ago), no one would have ever considered this. IMO, it's the basis of the fact that so many 25 year olds are still college undergraduates... something else you didn't see 15+ years ago.

[Anonymous]

seen it recommended lots--have never known of a bad outcome when the child "redshirted" Can't say the same about the situations where the parents acted against the guidance

[Anonymous]

I really think that the reason the schools promote this is that 6 year olds just make life easier for kindy teachers. To me the schools should just not do primary school if they don't want to deal with this issue.

[Anonymous]

You do know that there have been 800 posts on this exact topic in the past 6 mos. -- right?

[Anonymous]

When the first grade curriculum is pushed down to kindergarten, as it has been all over this c ountry, public and private...well, it makes sense to have first graders doing first grade work. Enter: 6 year olds in kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do know that there have been 800 posts on this exact topic in the past 6 mos. -- right?

Yes, I've seen a lot here -- but I haven't seen many talking about how the school has pushed its maturational theory of development to such an extent -- there are many parents talking about feeling pressured b/c many parents do it. I agree that it makes like easier for the schools!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Also floored that the school told me that is has recommended that a girl with a September birthday be held back based on her age and maturity alone -- even though, acc. to the teacher, "If I were giving grades, though, she'd be a straight A student." Does this seem justified to you? Why oh why would you ever hold back a straight-A student based on relative age alone?

Sort of makes it seem that they've decided to hold her back just b/c they can't accept the fact that a September birthday would truly be successful in their kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Has school really changed that much?

Yes it has, if you are talking about what K was for us 30-40 years ago. Today's K, ESPECIALLY at the top private schools, is at least what the 1st grade curriculum was for us then.. maybe also some of 2nd. What this causes is more of a need for a rising K to be developed enough (motor skills, processing skills, emotional maturity) to be able to handle the rapid pace. Kids develop a lot from age 4-6, and some just develop a little faster than others (girls tend to develop faster than boys...we saw HUGE growth in our child from 5 yrs 1 month to 5 yrs 9 months). When K used to be more "have fun, draw, paint, play, nap, etc" 35 years ago for us... it did not really matter if you had fully developed yet. Most kids are caught up developmentally by the time they are 6... so it used to not be a big deal as everyone was "ready" to start reading and writing heavily in 1st grade. Now that happens in K, and so if your kid has just not had the time to develop these baseline skills then they will be at a disadvantage that was not as profound as when "we" were in school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: BTW, the other parents totally buy into this, so now I fear that my August b-day would be at a disadvantage w/ boys a year-and-a-half older. And, to make matters worse, now that my husband has heard about all of this, he is beginning to like the idea of delaying K and has mentioned how ds would be at a disadvantage for sports otherwise!

Yep, this is the practical reality... if you have a summer 5 year old entering K he/she will have kids a year to a year and a half older. It's perfectly reasonable then to consider the future impacts in later years relative to the rest of the class, especially on issues like sports development, puberty, and on that's often overlooked... when they can begin to drive verses all the other kids in their class.

This issue has been debated on this forum ad naseum, and basically the expert consensus comes down to... there is none. It needs to be a choice by parents based on what they believe is right for their child. A lot of people argue that the schools need to "enforce" a policy. We'll, I then say b/c the curriculm has shifted up, then the calendar cut off date should too... maybe back to Jan 1 instead of Aug 1. (Aug is only there because that's when the harvest season ended... have we not progressed past that?)

For our family, the right decision was redshirting our summer DD who is super bright (99%) but had not yet developed full motor skills. She is now of one the tops in her class, confident, and a leader. Best decision we ever made.

[Anonymous]

What defines "summer birthdays"? I have a son born in June - will he make the cut? OR be the youngest in his class?

[Anonymous]

We have a son, born in July. We did not hold him back, and he is in private school. He is one of the youngest, but he is truly thriving in every way. He is now in 2nd grade. I cannot imagine how bored and understimulated he would have been had he repeated kindergarten. Its one thing if a child truly isn't ready to move forward, but when they are, even if they are young from a chronological standpoint, they may really be ready from a developmental standpoint. And boring a child who shows readiness, by having them repeat, should not be the goal of the parent or school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What defines "summer birthdays"? I have a son born in June - will he make the cut? OR be the youngest in his class?

I think it varies by school. According to this school's principal, "anything past May is young." The official cut-off date for the school, however, does not reflect the school's opinion on the matter.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you OP. I think we've shifted too far if now May birthdays are considered young for their grade. When we were in school, the trend was having "advanced" kids skip a grade. That was the conventional wisdom on giving your children an advantage. Now the pendulum has swung the other way and holding kids back a year is thought to be advantageous.

I also agree with the poster who said that we should move the school calendar so that it starts in January, instead of Sept.