Memorial Day weekend fight

[Anonymous]

So the boyfriend and I had a fight about our Memorial Day plans. 2 weeks ago I had suggested that we take the 3 day weekend as an opportunity to have a mini getaway. He had said that may be a good option of its not too expensive. I went and found a nice groupon deal and showed it to him and he said it looks nice but he's worried about finances. We didn't talk about it until this morning when I whistfully said I'm sad that we didn't get to get away this weekend. He then is like oh it's going to be so expensive I thought we were trying to save. I say yes, would've been nice if we had a getaway. He goes on about how it's going to cost so much and we have bills coming up etc and then asks me to look it up. I refuse to saying it's okay. He insists that I do. We go back and forth and he says if we take the trip I'd have to cut down on using so much uber. I get even more annoyed by his patronizing tone and say I'd really rather not go.
He then says I'm being very rude.

I'm sorry but this is not how to take someone on a getaway. Who's in the right?

[Anonymous]

Lord, how old are you? Both of you sound very immature.

In relationships, there is precious little "wrong" or "right". What's crucial is respectful communication. Even if you're mad, you don't shut up passive-aggressively (like you did, with the sighing and saying it's OK when it's not). And you don't start pestering and blustering, like your boyfriend did.
You just talk calmly about why the trip was important to you, more important than saving. Saving for what? A wedding, a house, babies? Those are important too.

Why don't you just go somewhere local that you've never been to before? And watch movies in the evening.

[Anonymous]

You sound immature and insecure. It sounds like you lead a forced life that affirms to social media. You were probably more excited at the thought of the pictures you could post of your "getaway" to Facebook, than the actual getaway itself

[Anonymous]

So you can't afford a getaway, passive aggressively whine about it, and to try to accommodate the getaway you are moping about he suggests a way to save money and you bitch.

FUN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you can't afford a getaway, passive aggressively whine about it, and to try to accommodate the getaway you are moping about he suggests a way to save money and you bitch.

FUN.

+1. And cut down on your Ubering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lord, how old are you? Both of you sound very immature.

In relationships, there is precious little "wrong" or "right". What's crucial is respectful communication. Even if you're mad, you don't shut up passive-aggressively (like you did, with the sighing and saying it's OK when it's not). And you don't start pestering and blustering, like your boyfriend did.

+1

So far as "right and wrong" are concerned, the answer is: you are both wrong!

The breakdown/failure here is that you waited until today to resolve this; if it was important to you to go on the trip, you should have pressed it back when he pushed back on the original suggestion and said "this is important to me, and worth spending $$ on". He pushed back directly and told you why: even the groupon version was more than he wanted to spend. That was the time to have the conversation about the money.

It is possible that would still have resulted in an insurmountable disagreement (aka fight), but that would be really useful information for both of you when you consider making a long term committment (of any kind) together. Right?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it gets crazy watching every penny, trying to meet goals. If you can't afford bills, then no look for something free/cheap, or local. If you're not barely making it,sometimes you need a break! For us, we are trying to save for a house. So, we are not eating out as much, buying clothes, spending on entertainment. So, I can see where op is coming from. I also don't use uber though lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the boyfriend and I had a fight about our Memorial Day plans. 2 weeks ago I had suggested that we take the 3 day weekend as an opportunity to have a mini getaway. He had said that may be a good option of its not too expensive. I went and found a nice groupon deal and showed it to him and he said it looks nice but he's worried about finances. We didn't talk about it until this morning when I whistfully said I'm sad that we didn't get to get away this weekend. He then is like oh it's going to be so expensive I thought we were trying to save. I say yes, would've been nice if we had a getaway. He goes on about how it's going to cost so much and we have bills coming up etc and then asks me to look it up. I refuse to saying it's okay. He insists that I do. We go back and forth and he says if we take the trip I'd have to cut down on using so much uber. I get even more annoyed by his patronizing tone and say I'd really rather not go.
He then says I'm being very rude.

I'm sorry but this is not how to take someone on a getaway. Who's in the right?

There's your big mistake. Why not earlier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the boyfriend and I had a fight about our Memorial Day plans. 2 weeks ago I had suggested that we take the 3 day weekend as an opportunity to have a mini getaway. He had said that may be a good option of its not too expensive. I went and found a nice groupon deal and showed it to him and he said it looks nice but he's worried about finances. We didn't talk about it until this morning when I whistfully said I'm sad that we didn't get to get away this weekend. He then is like oh it's going to be so expensive I thought we were trying to save. I say yes, would've been nice if we had a getaway. He goes on about how it's going to cost so much and we have bills coming up etc and then asks me to look it up. I refuse to saying it's okay. He insists that I do. We go back and forth and he says if we take the trip I'd have to cut down on using so much uber. I get even more annoyed by his patronizing tone and say I'd really rather not go.
He then says I'm being very rude.

I'm sorry but this is not how to take someone on a getaway. Who's in the right?

There's your big mistake. Why not earlier?

I already suggested it and did the research and found out the cost. I didn't want to nag him into it. I wish he'd thought of it himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the boyfriend and I had a fight about our Memorial Day plans. 2 weeks ago I had suggested that we take the 3 day weekend as an opportunity to have a mini getaway. He had said that may be a good option of its not too expensive. I went and found a nice groupon deal and showed it to him and he said it looks nice but he's worried about finances. We didn't talk about it until this morning when I whistfully said I'm sad that we didn't get to get away this weekend. He then is like oh it's going to be so expensive I thought we were trying to save. I say yes, would've been nice if we had a getaway. He goes on about how it's going to cost so much and we have bills coming up etc and then asks me to look it up. I refuse to saying it's okay. He insists that I do. We go back and forth and he says if we take the trip I'd have to cut down on using so much uber. I get even more annoyed by his patronizing tone and say I'd really rather not go.
He then says I'm being very rude.

I'm sorry but this is not how to take someone on a getaway. Who's in the right?

There's your big mistake. Why not earlier?

I already suggested it and did the research and found out the cost. I didn't want to nag him into it. I wish he'd thought of it himself.

There's the passive aggressive stuff. This doesn't sound like it's going to work long term, or you do just need to grow up. He actually sounds more mature.

Where are you doing all the ubering to and from?

[Anonymous]

He obviously does not want to take you on a getaway, lol.

[Anonymous]

Your boyfriend is being smart and trying to help save money. You are being passive aggressive and immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the boyfriend and I had a fight about our Memorial Day plans. 2 weeks ago I had suggested that we take the 3 day weekend as an opportunity to have a mini getaway. He had said that may be a good option of its not too expensive. I went and found a nice groupon deal and showed it to him and he said it looks nice but he's worried about finances. We didn't talk about it until this morning when I whistfully said I'm sad that we didn't get to get away this weekend. He then is like oh it's going to be so expensive I thought we were trying to save. I say yes, would've been nice if we had a getaway. He goes on about how it's going to cost so much and we have bills coming up etc and then asks me to look it up. I refuse to saying it's okay. He insists that I do. We go back and forth and he says if we take the trip I'd have to cut down on using so much uber. I get even more annoyed by his patronizing tone and say I'd really rather not go.
He then says I'm being very rude.

I'm sorry but this is not how to take someone on a getaway. Who's in the right?

There's your big mistake. Why not earlier?

I already suggested it and did the research and found out the cost. I didn't want to nag him into it. I wish he'd thought of it himself.

There are SO MANY men who will not initiate or plan vacations. If you are with a guy like this, and you want a vacation, you need to plan it yourself. You found the costs, great. Then say, "I'm going to book the hotel now."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the boyfriend and I had a fight about our Memorial Day plans. 2 weeks ago I had suggested that we take the 3 day weekend as an opportunity to have a mini getaway. He had said that may be a good option of its not too expensive. I went and found a nice groupon deal and showed it to him and he said it looks nice but he's worried about finances. We didn't talk about it until this morning when I whistfully said I'm sad that we didn't get to get away this weekend. He then is like oh it's going to be so expensive I thought we were trying to save. I say yes, would've been nice if we had a getaway. He goes on about how it's going to cost so much and we have bills coming up etc and then asks me to look it up. I refuse to saying it's okay. He insists that I do. We go back and forth and he says if we take the trip I'd have to cut down on using so much uber. I get even more annoyed by his patronizing tone and say I'd really rather not go.
He then says I'm being very rude.

I'm sorry but this is not how to take someone on a getaway. Who's in the right?

There's your big mistake. Why not earlier?

I already suggested it and did the research and found out the cost. I didn't want to nag him into it. I wish he'd thought of it himself.

There are SO MANY men who will not initiate or plan vacations. If you are with a guy like this, and you want a vacation, you need to plan it yourself. You found the costs, great. Then say, "I'm going to book the hotel now."

[phone]

My DH (known him 15 years) has NEVER planned a getaway. Ever. You are just setting yourself up for disappointment with this type of thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the boyfriend and I had a fight about our Memorial Day plans. 2 weeks ago I had suggested that we take the 3 day weekend as an opportunity to have a mini getaway. He had said that may be a good option of its not too expensive. I went and found a nice groupon deal and showed it to him and he said it looks nice but he's worried about finances. We didn't talk about it until this morning when I whistfully said I'm sad that we didn't get to get away this weekend. He then is like oh it's going to be so expensive I thought we were trying to save. I say yes, would've been nice if we had a getaway. He goes on about how it's going to cost so much and we have bills coming up etc and then asks me to look it up. I refuse to saying it's okay. He insists that I do. We go back and forth and he says if we take the trip I'd have to cut down on using so much uber. I get even more annoyed by his patronizing tone and say I'd really rather not go.
He then says I'm being very rude.

I'm sorry but this is not how to take someone on a getaway. Who's in the right?

There's your big mistake. Why not earlier?

I already suggested it and did the research and found out the cost. I didn't want to nag him into it. I wish he'd thought of it himself.

There are SO MANY men who will not initiate or plan vacations. If you are with a guy like this, and you want a vacation, you need to plan it yourself. You found the costs, great. Then say, "I'm going to book the hotel now."

[phone]

My DH (known him 15 years) has NEVER planned a getaway. Ever. You are just setting yourself up for disappointment with this type of thinking.

Hm okay. I will keep this in mind.