No one ever invites us over to their house

[Anonymous]

My 2 children attend a preschool/daycare. Throughout the years, we have invited various classmates over for birthday parties, group play dates as well as one on one play dates. Everyone always says they will invite us over the next time but we never get invited. We do get invitations to birthday parties at party venues, parks, playgrounds and pools. People seem to like coming over as everyone usually says yes or we find a new time to play. My kids will actually comment on how we never go to anyone else's house.

Why do we never get invited over to other people's homes?
Is it because working parents are too busy?

We are new to the area so the preschool is the main source of people we socialize with. Work colleagues don't have kids or kids are not the same age. Immediate neighborhood kids are older.

[Anonymous]

you say you recently moved...how recent is recent? Winter can be a tough time. I have always found our social lives change a lt in the nice weather

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? Maybe those parents just prefer to have weekends to themselves with their kids, and attend the occasional party or play date extended their way, rather than pack their weekend with those things thereby creating their own events and inviting others.

For example, we usually spend the weekend with our kids without their buddies (whom they see every day at school), which allows us to spend time with them but also have a more relaxing weekend compared to entertaining others. We have always kept our birthday parties just family and occasionally a few close friends (kids are 3 and 1).

I just wouldn't take it personally!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you say you recently moved...how recent is recent? Winter can be a tough time. I have always found our social lives change a lt in the nice weather

We have been here for 2.5 years, at our current home for 2 years. We rented for a few months before choosing a house to buy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? Maybe those parents just prefer to have weekends to themselves with their kids, and attend the occasional party or play date extended their way, rather than pack their weekend with those things thereby creating their own events and inviting others.

For example, we usually spend the weekend with our kids without their buddies (whom they see every day at school), which allows us to spend time with them but also have a more relaxing weekend compared to entertaining others. We have always kept our birthday parties just family and occasionally a few close friends (kids are 3 and 1).

I just wouldn't take it personally!

Kids are 3 and 5.

Before we moved, we got invited to our friend's homes all the time. Granted they were all friends we had before we had children.

[Anonymous]

Is your house huge and perfect? Sometimes people feel intimidated when they think their own home is too messy, not big enough or otherwise wanting.

[Anonymous]

We have been here a decade and have similar experience. We had children soon after moving here and have always been working parents. So no real single life friends to transition once kids arrive (we see college bus having kids in parallel must be fun). We invite people over often though it is so much work getting house ready b/c you know small kid and working parents.

Kind of jealous of easy organic relationship that Sahm can foster as they meet for coffee easily whenever they want.

If you figure it out let us know; we don't take it personally and figure it's partly the 'friends of a certain age' phenomenon. See ny times. Or maybe we are insufferable and clueless but what can you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your house huge and perfect? Sometimes people feel intimidated when they think their own home is too messy, not big enough or otherwise wanting.

OP here. We live in a nice home in a cul de sac community. Our house is not always perfect but I make the house presentable when we have company over. We usually only invite people over on the weekend that the cleaning lady comes. I will go grocery shopping to make sure we have food to serve our guests. Nothing out of the ordinary. People seem to have a great time when they come over. I just feel bad that no one reciprocates and my children have noticed.

[Anonymous]

Its just your personality vs theres. I have the EXACT same experience and my house is a 1100 sq ft rambler...trust me no one is jealous of it!

[Anonymous]

My son was invited over to 2 playdates for all of preschool. It was hard because we felt a lot like you do now. It changed and he has been invited to more now that he is in elementary school. He has made his own friends now and the boys want to hang out more, rather than parents trying to always coordinate. Our daughter has only been invited once or twice ever and we hope this also changes when she enters actual school. Everyone is too busy, us included, and now more and more seem like SAHMs having playdates during the week. We are guilty of being so tired sometimes on weekends from working all week. I wish I knew more of the moms in the area. There must be more like me!

[Anonymous]

We do not invite many people over as ours is undecorated and 900 square feet. We are embarrassed but haven't had the energy to decorate. Its always clean, but not a lot of space for kids to play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son was invited over to 2 playdates for all of preschool. It was hard because we felt a lot like you do now. It changed and he has been invited to more now that he is in elementary school. He has made his own friends now and the boys want to hang out more, rather than parents trying to always coordinate. Our daughter has only been invited once or twice ever and we hope this also changes when she enters actual school. Everyone is too busy, us included, and now more and more seem like SAHMs having playdates during the week. We are guilty of being so tired sometimes on weekends from working all week. I wish I knew more of the moms in the area. There must be more like me!

Yeah feel huge divide with SAHM and working parents and leaks down to kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your house huge and perfect? Sometimes people feel intimidated when they think their own home is too messy, not big enough or otherwise wanting.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your house huge and perfect? Sometimes people feel intimidated when they think their own home is too messy, not big enough or otherwise wanting.

+1 that's what I was thinking. Or, even if the home is modest, if it's "perfect"--no mess, etc. It raises the bar for the other couple. Mess up your place a little when you invite the next time.

[Anonymous]

They probably have messy homes and are embarrassed.