Is this just human nature?

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who feels this way? It seems like even us SN parents, who should be the most accepting and understanding, still seem to cultivate an "us v them" mentality, like the more severe the special need, the more shame attached to it. Kids with undesirable behaviors are on the bottom of the heap. Even special needs schools don't want them. Private schools for special needs kids that don't want to be called "special education" schools. Or people going out of their way for their child to not be lumped in with kids with autism. A school that will take some ASD kids but doesn't want to admit it. "My child only has ADHD so I'm not posting in the special needs forum" etc etc.

I don't think I"m articulating very well.

[Anonymous]

I have noticed this when touring schools and I agree with you. My only observation is that sometimes I wish we had an autism dx as I feel that that would sometimes make things easier. There are so many specialized programs, a state waiver, etc.

[Anonymous]

Fully agree.

[Anonymous]

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunate but true. At least you recognize it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed this when touring schools and I agree with you. My only observation is that sometimes I wish we had an autism dx as I feel that that would sometimes make things easier. There are so many specialized programs, a state waiver, etc.

You'll appreciate this irony: a friend last year toured Ivymount Asperger's program with her son-who is classic Aspergers. She was told he had too many (autistic) behaviors for their (autism) program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed this when touring schools and I agree with you. My only observation is that sometimes I wish we had an autism dx as I feel that that would sometimes make things easier. There are so many specialized programs, a state waiver, etc.

Ditto. Its like the private SN schools only want children with needs so mild that they could be easily accomodated in a public school class. But if those children could do well in public school, the parents wouldn't be touring and prepared to spend $$$ on a private special ed school. Ya know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed this when touring schools and I agree with you. My only observation is that sometimes I wish we had an autism dx as I feel that that would sometimes make things easier. There are so many specialized programs, a state waiver, etc.

You'll appreciate this irony: a friend last year toured Ivymount Asperger's program with her son-who is classic Aspergers. She was told he had too many (autistic) behaviors for their (autism) program.

We were accepted into and then turned down for Ivymount Outreach Unstuck and On Target Saturday social skills class bc they decided on second thought after sending us an acceptance letter that DS's social skills were too poor for the social skills class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed this when touring schools and I agree with you. My only observation is that sometimes I wish we had an autism dx as I feel that that would sometimes make things easier. There are so many specialized programs, a state waiver, etc.

You'll appreciate this irony: a friend last year toured Ivymount Asperger's program with her son-who is classic Aspergers. She was told he had too many (autistic) behaviors for their (autism) program.

We were accepted into and then turned down for Ivymount Outreach Unstuck and On Target Saturday social skills class bc they decided on second thought after sending us an acceptance letter that DS's social skills were too poor for the social skills class.

Ivymount Outreach told us that we should look into the Model Asperger's Program since that program can better meet DS's needs.

DS's behavior and social skills have improved dramatically since then after our public school implemented a behavior plan. DS had a neuropsych and was also diagnosed with ADHD for which he is now medicated. We tweaked his IEP so that he gets more social supports in the classroom including the speech therapist pushing in for his pragmatic speech therapy. Our current public school is a language immersion school and we prefer him sticking with the target language which he has been learning since he was 4.

His school is going to have a classroom with the Unstuck and unstuck social skills curriculum for next year.

DS is doing great now and we will not be changing schools.

[Anonymous]

Ivymount holds itself out as this "perfect" program but maybe that's easier to do when you are so picky about the kinds of kids with autism you will take.

[Anonymous]

Cherry picking definitely helps outcomes statistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who feels this way? It seems like even us SN parents, who should be the most accepting and understanding, still seem to cultivate an "us v them" mentality, like the more severe the special need, the more shame attached to it. Kids with undesirable behaviors are on the bottom of the heap. Even special needs schools don't want them. Private schools for special needs kids that don't want to be called "special education" schools. Or people going out of their way for their child to not be lumped in with kids with autism. A school that will take some ASD kids but doesn't want to admit it. "My child only has ADHD so I'm not posting in the special needs forum" etc etc.

I don't think I"m articulating very well.

I hear you. But the thing is that "SN" represents a VERY diverse group. One of my children is SN because of hearing loss. The other is SN because, well, we don't even know why. Maybe ADHD, maybe HFA, maybe anxiety, maybe just my genes...so hard to know. It's just very hard to lump it all together, especially when talking schools. There will of course be more resources for certain kids than others. The more specific you can be about who your kid is (and who they are not) the better services you can identify and pursue.

[Anonymous]

I definitely share this concern about attitudes. It's noticeable when touring certain institutions (cough, cough Maddux, cough cough, but not the only one) how everyone seems to want extra help for their child, but to avoid undesirable labeling or having to share space with a "less desirable" peer group, and the schools market themselves accordingly, often giving the cold shoulder to hard-working kids in need of a fair chance.

Where I really feel this is with the kids who are SN by the standards and terminologies of 1-2 generations ago. Today it seems that ADHD and HFA and sensory processing disorders dominate the discussions as much as anything, whereas kids who suffer from more fundamental learning or behavioral challenges seem like they have been pushed into their own corner, unseen and unwanted by the SN parents with different ambitions for their kids. Perhaps this is really unfair for me to feel this way, but I feel the vibe you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed this when touring schools and I agree with you. My only observation is that sometimes I wish we had an autism dx as I feel that that would sometimes make things easier. There are so many specialized programs, a state waiver, etc.

You'll appreciate this irony: a friend last year toured Ivymount Asperger's program with her son-who is classic Aspergers. She was told he had too many (autistic) behaviors for their (autism) program.

We were accepted into and then turned down for Ivymount Outreach Unstuck and On Target Saturday social skills class bc they decided on second thought after sending us an acceptance letter that DS's social skills were too poor for the social skills class.

Ivymount Outreach told us that we should look into the Model Asperger's Program since that program can better meet DS's needs.

DS's behavior and social skills have improved dramatically since then after our public school implemented a behavior plan. DS had a neuropsych and was also diagnosed with ADHD for which he is now medicated. We tweaked his IEP so that he gets more social supports in the classroom including the speech therapist pushing in for his pragmatic speech therapy. Our current public school is a language immersion school and we prefer him sticking with the target language which he has been learning since he was 4.

His school is going to have a classroom with the Unstuck and unstuck social skills curriculum for next year.

DS is doing great now and we will not be changing schools.

Just to say it -- it's OK to feel proud of this outcome. If I were you, I sure would.

[Anonymous]

I totally hear you. I have an ASD kid with "behaviors." He has improved so much with therapy and figuring out what works best for him. However, practically no SN school will take him because he does still yell when frustrated (swear words, occasional nonsensical threats -- loud and growling), and throw objects or knock furniture over. Not good at all and we are working hard to extinguish those remaining behaviors, but for whom is a SN school designated? Or camp? Almost all say they won't take any sort of physical aggression. Honestly, it's not even aggression anymore, because it's not directed at a person, more a situation, but who wants to take that chance.

Don't even get me started on mothers of peers. They wrote him off years ago. Teachers don't want him around. He's been lucky to have some wonderful SN teachers and aides over the years, thank goodness. Why are you going to go into teaching if you're going to absolutely ignore 1 child in your classroom?

And, BTW, I swear I'm not in denial. We have worked HARD on this for years. We can see now where his meltdowns used to occur because now he just cries or curls up in a ball or covers his head with his hands. The triggers are so small and innocent and they are just too much for him. Not to mention big triggers like him being hit or pushed to the ground. School can be such a toxic environment. I'm proud of the amount of progress he has made in emotional regulation. He's a good person and he didnt' like that part of himself. Unfortunately it's still on his paperwork.