Public school families: when will you tell other families that you're moving to private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Btdt. Got some unexpected anger from a close friend. (It is very strange anyone would care. But they do.) advice above to not be defensive or justify decision is perfect. I tried for a bland comment and then changed the subject and gave it time. Still friends but remember being thrown by anger.

We switched our DD at high school which actually isn't very uncommon in DC. However, I was surprised by the number of people who asked why rather than just saying, "Oh." We, too, had been very involved in our public schools and I guess friends and acquaintances just assumed we'd be moving on to the local high school. I was taken by surprise, felt put on the spot and didn't always do the best job of explaining our reasons for leaving DCPS. It is definitely best to concentrate specifically on the particular needs of your child. Don't get into a discussion of the merits of old school vs. new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are at a public that we have been at for years and have worked hard on, along with our neighbors. We've grown close to other families, served on committees, hung out on the weekends, etc. It's a great school in many ways, with many great families, but we are now thinking of moving to private. Our child was accepted to first choice school which offers a different approach not available at our public, and which we think will be a good fit for child.

My question is: when and how do you tell other public school families that you're leaving the school? Is right away best, end of the school year, etc? W/o outing ourselves, I think that a few families will be surprised, disappointed, maybe even angry at first. I'd love to tell them in person, but it seems that may be impractical (assuming words spread before we can speak with everyone we'd like to tell in person). Hoping for some folks who have BTDT.

I know this is wayyyy late BUT if you are the person from my school who is doing this:

-we won't hold this against you, you are doing what is best for your kids
-we will most definitely miss you! people have a strange way of showing they care when they are "hurt"
-our school community can sometimes think too highly of themselves and don't like the idea that someone would want to leave for a "better" school. they just need to STFU

good luck and i don't think you will regret your decision. i'll hopefully be in the same boat with you in a few years.

[Anonymous]

My kids go to a school like your public and we are also highly involved. I think there is truth to the fact that people will be a little annoyed, and if you don't live in an area like that it can be hard to understand. There is a "prisoner's dilemma" kind of game theory problem in some neighborhoods. If all the educated middle class families in some neighborhoods were to send their children to public, those schools would improve. But it's a rational decision for each family to pull their child out because the school hasn't yet improved.

So just own it. It's true, in a small way, that the school will be less good because you and your child are leaving. Schools need active parents and good students. But you are making the perfectly rational decision that what's better for your child is more important. There is a reason why parents will be annoyed. But you also have a good reason. Just own it and agree to disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are at a public that we have been at for years and have worked hard on, along with our neighbors. We've grown close to other families, served on committees, hung out on the weekends, etc. It's a great school in many ways, with many great families, but we are now thinking of moving to private. Our child was accepted to first choice school which offers a different approach not available at our public, and which we think will be a good fit for child.

My question is: when and how do you tell other public school families that you're leaving the school? Is right away best, end of the school year, etc? W/o outing ourselves, I think that a few families will be surprised, disappointed, maybe even angry at first. I'd love to tell them in person, but it seems that may be impractical (assuming words spread before we can speak with everyone we'd like to tell in person). Hoping for some folks who have BTDT.

I know this is wayyyy late BUT if you are the person from my school who is doing this:

-we won't hold this against you, you are doing what is best for your kids
-we will most definitely miss you! people have a strange way of showing they care when they are "hurt"
-our school community can sometimes think too highly of themselves and don't like the idea that someone would want to leave for a "better" school. they just need to STFU

good luck and i don't think you will regret your decision. i'll hopefully be in the same boat with you in a few years.

OP here. We haven't told a soul at current school yet--mostly because we haven't yet finalized our decision. We're still working out logistics and finances, but after talking to a couple more families at the new school, we're moving in that direction. Still will be very sad to leave the current school, where kid is doing well...yet we feel that what the new school offers would be too good of an opportunity to pass up.

Thanks again for all the thoughtful comments here--much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think they actually care?

This. And what is the need for a staged announcement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are at a public that we have been at for years and have worked hard on, along with our neighbors. We've grown close to other families, served on committees, hung out on the weekends, etc. It's a great school in many ways, with many great families, but we are now thinking of moving to private. Our child was accepted to first choice school which offers a different approach not available at our public, and which we think will be a good fit for child.

My question is: when and how do you tell other public school families that you're leaving the school? Is right away best, end of the school year, etc? W/o outing ourselves, I think that a few families will be surprised, disappointed, maybe even angry at first. I'd love to tell them in person,

but it seems that may be impractical (assuming words spread before we can speak with everyone we'd like to tell in person). Hoping for some folks who have BTDT.

You should invite everyone over and have drinks and snacks. Prepare a slide show of DCs years at the public school and with friends. At the end of the slide show, have a talk prepared to let everyone know and thank them for supporting DC. That way people can comfort each other, deal with the shock. Offer to speak privately with anyone who needs time to digest and accept the decision to change schools. The children should be told by the parents as they see fit. It would be nice to create some gift bags with photos of DC and some treats for the kids. It would be best to do it on a Friday or Saturday, so the families can have some time to accept the reality of life without DC. In the last few weeks of school, be proud but not smug, empathetic but not apologetic. People will envy you in more ways than ever. Quietly bask in the afterglow.

I would add that the presentation a couple of bar graphs with 1) historical achievements of the child and 2) projected accelerated achievements. Perhaps it might be fair to add a qualification at the bottom of the slide "Past performance of students at private school does not guarantee future performance of our child" so as not to set expectations too high.