Being left back in kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I think the teacher is WAY off base. If your kid is a bright kid, holding back for social skill development alone is ridiculous.

And my second grader probably doesn't know how to tie his shoes yet either. Velcro has gotten him this far. It apparently wasn't a barrier to entry to advanced elementary grades.

Agree you are just reinforcing he isn't capable instead of building his confidence. It will make him even more hesitant to try something he views as hard or is afraid to fail at...

OP, I have a 2nd grader who is also very serious and hard on himself when he doesn't understand something quickly. He has been paranoid about being held back ever since one of his friends was held back in K, which he didn't previously know could happen. He is one of the oldest in the class, due to his bday, and hasn't ever had reason to be concerned. I'm saying this because I don't think holding your son back will fix what is essentially a personality trait. And, it could cause him to lose self-confidence. I don't have any experience holding back, and I have a September boy in 6th grade who hasn't had any issues being the absolute youngest in class and celebrates birthdays with his classmates who are up to 19 mos older.

[Anonymous]

My DC recently went into 1st grade and I asked the kindergarten teacher did anyone ever get held back in kindergarten since the stuff they do is so basic and she said yes, some kids "dont get it at all" and are held back. I would definitely switch schools and look at one that will be the best fit for your child - repeating K is not the end of the world but getting a sold foundation in education is, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, the teacher says:
he knows his letters and letter sounds
he can read small words
he can count pass 100
he knows his numbers
he can add two groups of objects again
he loves show and tell
he has an impressive vocabularly
he is highly imaginative
he knows how to button, zipper and cut, but can not close a snap or tie his shoes

he doesn't like to participate in morning circle when they count the days of the school year aloud. He tends to zone off (highly imaginative) or situate himself near a container of toys so that he can touch them during the circle time.
He has good behavior otherwise, is not disruptive and does not fight.
she has noticed that he take things VERY seriously and seems upset when the older kids understand concepts faster than he does (but she says he always right behind the quick learners in his understanding)

she thinks keeping him back will do wonders for his confidence and willingness to try new things (he tends to say No, when asked to do something that might be hard)

OP, ask for a 2nd opinion. You are describing my child to the T. He was never asked to repeat a great even though he's a daydreamer and zones out.

I think he seems on target. Do you get DRA and assessmetnts/benchmarks. I truthfully don't think my young K child does more than that and he tested as already passing EOY benchmarks. Is this just a social/confidence thing? That's what it sounds like. I don't think just repeating a year will do that and might even harm more. How about working on ways to instill self-confidence. My older child was always very self-critical and comparing hismself but time and age improved that greatly.

[Anonymous]

karate?

[Anonymous]

You need to schedule a meeting with the principal, the special ed coordinator, and the school psychologist to discuss this. I agree with others who say that holding back isn't going to fix a personality trait or learning disability. You need to get a much better read on this than what the teacher is telling you, because from what I see it seems that your son is meeting DCPS criteria to move into 1st grade, but the teacher believes he is emotionally immature or/and has attention problems - this may not be a good reason to hold him back, depending on the big picture. (And fwiw my child is well aware of who is his class is repeating a grade or started late, so the kids do talk w/o any involvement from parents.)

Meanwhile, find some good "kindergarten readiness" and "1st grade readiness" check lists to look over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's like 5 more months left of school. I'd ask for a list of things you can work on with him at home to get him caught up. I'd also ask for a re-evaluation in June, as well as a second opinion.

Leaving a child back, like skipping a child forward, should only be in extreme circumstances.

I definitely agree with this as a next step, and important next step. Then see how it goes, get additional evaluations/assessments if his teacher is still saying he'd need to be left back... but if you do all of this and all roads are still pointing to it being better for him to repeat K, then have Plan B in motion. If you haven't already thought of applying through the common lottery (or if you have a good IB school no need to apply now), then enter the lottery and see how it goes.

It would just really suck to try other things to catch him up, realize he still needs to repeat, and not have laid the groundwork for finding a new school.

Good luck OP, no shame at all if he has to repeat, but sounds like from those who've been through it, like it might be a lot better for him to change schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to schedule a meeting with the principal, the special ed coordinator, and the school psychologist to discuss this. I agree with others who say that holding back isn't going to fix a personality trait or learning disability. You need to get a much better read on this than what the teacher is telling you, because from what I see it seems that your son is meeting DCPS criteria to move into 1st grade, but the teacher believes he is emotionally immature or/and has attention problems - this may not be a good reason to hold him back, depending on the big picture. (And fwiw my child is well aware of who is his class is repeating a grade or started late, so the kids do talk w/o any involvement from parents.)

Meanwhile, find some good "kindergarten readiness" and "1st grade readiness" check lists to look over.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I talked with a mom at school who had her son held back. She regretted it. She said that the issues he had before being held back were not resolved by repeating K. She said they eventually had a neuropsych exam, and got a diagnosis for him. Then an IEP was put in place, and special services were provided. This is when he finally came into his own, and he did much better in school.

I wonder in your case if this would be similar. Perhaps you could meet with a developmental pediatrician about your teacher's concerns before deciding to hold him back.

This is great advice. I agree 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here again, our child actually turned 5 at the beginning of the September 2013 school year. We've been going to 6 year old birthday parties since the school year began. He keeps asking "when will I turn 6?" I think that if we kept him in the school he knows and loves and told him he was actually going to be in a class with kids his age as opposed to a bunch of 7 year olds, he would be alright with that.

This is the time to do it if it's needed, it'll just get harder as he gets older. How big is your school? Honestly I doubt anyone will notice or remember that he was in K last year too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, the teacher says:
he knows his letters and letter sounds
he can read small words
he can count pass 100
he knows his numbers
he can add two groups of objects again
he loves show and tell
he has an impressive vocabularly
he is highly imaginative
he knows how to button, zipper and cut, but can not close a snap or tie his shoes

he doesn't like to participate in morning circle when they count the days of the school year aloud. He tends to zone off (highly imaginative) or situate himself near a container of toys so that he can touch them during the circle time.
He has good behavior otherwise, is not disruptive and does not fight.
she has noticed that he take things VERY seriously and seems upset when the older kids understand concepts faster than he does (but she says he always right behind the quick learners in his understanding)

she thinks keeping him back will do wonders for his confidence and willingness to try new things (he tends to say No, when asked to do something that might be hard)

This describes my son! He was accepted into a DC private school for pre-k but by winter they asked us to hold him back a year and repeat for many of the same reasons. He was the only one that they held back in his class (I guess it doesn't happen very often).

It is true that holding him back a year didn't really change his personality. Even as a current middle schooler he is young socially, even though he is one of the oldest in his class. Also, eventually we did have to get a psych-ed. He has low-processing speed.

The one huge benefit of holding him back is that he has had an extra year to let his executive functioning skills mature. They were late to develop, along with his social skills, and he really needs them in place to succeed in high school.

If I remember correctly, my son asked a few times why he wasn't moving ahead with his peers. We explained the reasons as best we could and he eventually accepted it. It wasn't a big deal at all but it may have been because of the nature of the school.

I'd take your teacher seriously and do as the other suggest and get an opinion from the school counselor. We heeded their advice and I haven't regretted it. DS will still be 18 when he graduates from high school, which is very normal for a boy in this area. He is in a school that expects a lot from its students and he definitely needed the extra year.

[Anonymous]

OP here,
thank you for the suggestions to get a school counselor involved, consider psych-ed, consider he will take a personality trait with him wherever he is, and start thinking about applying for the commom lottery now.

Would you apply for Kindergarten or first grade?

Thank you!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it really doesn't sound like the issues your teacher mentions warrant repeating the entire grade. I'd see about getting the guidance counselor and administration in on the conversation. I think your kid would be really, really bored next year considering how much he already knows about letters, numbers, etc.

+1

The teacher is completely over reacting. I would also assume she is biased because of his age.

[Anonymous]

Stayed at same school. It was fine socially. The problem was that our kid had some undiagnosed LDs. Don't let repeating a year be a waste of time. Get a neuropsych eval.

[Anonymous]

Read about characteristics of gifted children at that age. It will be like someone is reading your thoughts. Exactly like my dear gifted daydreamer too. Imagine how bored he would be being held back!

[Anonymous]

Just sounds like his personality; holding back may hinder his school experience (won't be challenged academically & will have to become acquainted with a new group of kids).