Boyfriend doesn’t take me on dates anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much do you think those lavish dates cost?

DP why in the world is this important to you? How does this add meaning to this persons challenge? It doesn't.

Well, if he was spending $1,000 in this dates he found it not sustainable so he stopped.

OP - was he spending $1000 on each date?

[Anonymous]

OP here. He was not spending $1,000 per date. If I had to guess I would say he spent $200-$500 on the dates depending on the activity, and we would go on them 1-2 times a week. We don’t live in DC, so this is expensive to me.

None of this was requested or needed by me. I would be happy with one inexpensive date every week or two weeks. Say something like a free museum and very casual lunch or breakfast at coffee shop, or going to a movie or something. He just dramatically went from planning lots of fun stuff to doing nothing.

I know he is not broke because he spends plenty on himself. He is not rich either. He’s really sweet to me in general. I just want him to take me out still. I don’t see dating as something that should ever stop, though I do expect it to become less frequent once the relationship has become serious.

[Anonymous]

Tell him it is important for you to have dates so you can be recharged and inform him it doesn’t have to be expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He was not spending $1,000 per date. If I had to guess I would say he spent $200-$500 on the dates depending on the activity, and we would go on them 1-2 times a week. We don’t live in DC, so this is expensive to me.

None of this was requested or needed by me. I would be happy with one inexpensive date every week or two weeks. Say something like a free museum and very casual lunch or breakfast at coffee shop, or going to a movie or something. He just dramatically went from planning lots of fun stuff to doing nothing.

I know he is not broke because he spends plenty on himself. He is not rich either. He’s really sweet to me in general. I just want him to take me out still. I don’t see dating as something that should ever stop, though I do expect it to become less frequent once the relationship has become serious.

200-500 on a date is too much, even for those making half a million a year. Tell him you are ok with free or inexpensive activities as long as he’s showing interest in planning

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are already married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[mastodon]

Anonymous wrote:Tough love: He doesn't like you anymore.

He probably liked the chase more than he liked you in the first place? Why is he still around? Inertia, probably.

Yes I think he's trying to get her to break up with him and think it's her idea.

OP here. This is definitely not what’s going on. He’s very happy in the relationship and in love. I think he just thinks he “won” me, so now he thinks we can be couch potatoes for life.

Do you think some is financial? I don't like to spend money on outings (I'm a woman) unless it's something I really want to do. Going out to dinner is not something I want to spend money on. The 2 of you should be able to meet each other halfway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s landed the prize, now he thinks he doesn’t have to work anymore.

OP here. I sense this a little bit. But I’d say the way he works for the prize has changed over time. He doesn’t plan the dates but he does do the dishes, is a good listener when I have a bad day, showers me with attentive sex, is kind to my friends and family, etc. He is honestly a great guy. So I’ve been wondering if maybe I’m being high maintenance for wanting the dates back?

How much does he make? This, my friends is a perfect example of dating leverage. Early investment is key. Now though he’s converting acts of service bc they’re more sustainable.

I gotta say, as someone 20 years into a very successful relationship, a conversion to "acts of service" is, in the long run, a good thing.

I totally agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[mastodon]

Anonymous wrote:Tough love: He doesn't like you anymore.

He probably liked the chase more than he liked you in the first place? Why is he still around? Inertia, probably.

Yes I think he's trying to get her to break up with him and think it's her idea.

I disagree, if that were true he wouldn’t still be treating her well in every other domain but planning expensive dates. He’s broke is the problem.

But when she offered to take him on one of these "lavish dates" (lol), he turned her down and didn't want to go out.

Bc he feels emasculated. He wants to pay just can’t sustain what he started.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s landed the prize, now he thinks he doesn’t have to work anymore.

OP here. I sense this a little bit. But I’d say the way he works for the prize has changed over time. He doesn’t plan the dates but he does do the dishes, is a good listener when I have a bad day, showers me with attentive sex, is kind to my friends and family, etc. He is honestly a great guy. So I’ve been wondering if maybe I’m being high maintenance for wanting the dates back?

How much does he make? This, my friends is a perfect example of dating leverage. Early investment is key. Now though he’s converting acts of service bc they’re more sustainable.

I gotta say, as someone 20 years into a very successful relationship, a conversion to "acts of service" is, in the long run, a good thing.

I totally agree

Agree it’s relevant several years into relationship but not right away. And people do go out, have social life etc

[Anonymous]

$500 dates twice a week? Yeah that’s outrageous, no wonder he stopped. I can’t believe you think cooking dinner for him is equivalent to this that you feel entitled to $1000/week dates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The honeymoon is over, this is who he really is.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

OP, why don't you plan dates? I'm confused. If you do it, it encourages him to reciprocate. Also show him you can plan a nice date for $100 or less. You need to be doing special things for him too. Have you pulled back on things you used to do when you were first dating?

[Anonymous]

Do you live together? And, 200-500 per date at 2x a week? Is that a typo?

[Anonymous]

If you're planning dates and he's turning you down maybe he's seeing a future with you and doesn't want to spend the money, yours or his. Do you have long term plans and goals? Buying a house? Stop pissing money away on "dates" and enjoy each other's company more simply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[mastodon]

Anonymous wrote:Tough love: He doesn't like you anymore.

He probably liked the chase more than he liked you in the first place? Why is he still around? Inertia, probably.

Yes I think he's trying to get her to break up with him and think it's her idea.

DP, wow, you have vivid imaginations.

As opposed to the OP who wants to be wined and dined on a regular basis as she got a little too used to the $200-500/night dates?