OP, why did you start this thread? What do you want people to say? |
Christ, dude. You have to be projecting, because the very first post is exactly the opposite.
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OP here. I believe him. Not all men sleep around and hook up with random women. He’s not like that. |
OP you should question why he got engaged to someone like this? |
I agree with this advice. I don't think the relationship is unsalvageable. I don't think you need therapy or a psychologist if you find it that unhelpful. The concept of a break seems ill-defined and slightly risky to your relationship. I think it seems logical according to your needs that you get engaged before he moves in. I lived with my husband for several summers (he joined me at my place, during the school year he was in grad student shared housing). When it got to another decision point, I said we had been dating for years, and he had provisionally lived with me several times on a temporary basis, and it was time to decide to get engaged or break up. This was in our late 20s, with him being about a year out of grad school. It seems to me that you are at a decision point and he is not. I suggest you give him a few more months to clarify his feelings. You are not responsible for the crazy ex situation and he needs to decide whether he wants to marry you enough to move forward with an engagement. That's a big, serious step. So a little more time is warranted. But in early 30s, it's unwise to allow living together for 1-2 more years and then just end up facing the same decisions. I am of the mind that engagements can be broken if trouble crops up. It's the decision to get engaged that is the key point. Do not overinvest in rings and wedding planning fripperies. View it as a firm step towards a permanent bond. For those who are unsympathetic about OP's view of psychologists, I'm team OP. Some people are capable of handling their adult emotional business themselves. Also the middle school psychologist in my school district has actually worsened my child's life by butting into what in earlier times would have been a bunch of privately-handled preteen relationship drama and playground nonsense (no crimes or sex involved, just kids, feelings, and pre-teen stupidity like tattletaling). |
Communicating during no contact is not no contact. And...it was only a week. If you want to be with him, work it out. If you don't, then let him go. It's all pretty simple. |
This is interesting. They were engaged so he was probably feeling very comfortable with her. I wonder how many times he showed up drunk in the middle of the night and how many times she insisted this was “sooo out of character” before she wisened up and made a plan to leave. I will say I’m 40 and I’ve only had one ex who did stuff like this. It doesn’t get change. The sooner you break it off completely the better. |