Is this a horrible habit?

[Anonymous]

I feel differently about TV and tablets. I think TV is fine - the kids have to watch with each other (so they are learning to negotiate what to watch, or they will naturally drift away if it's not a show they're into), it's less addictive, you can see/hear what kinds of things they are watching, etc. Youtube and stuff like that is 95% banned (occasionally my 10 yo will set up in the kitchen with a learn to crochet type video on my laptop). Tablets we reserve for long trips, or if they have friends/cousins over and want to play Minecraft together, we will let them do that, since they don't know how to go on each other's worlds otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are similar ages (10, 8, 5). They don’t watch tv during the week except for 15-20 min after breakfast most days. In the afternoon is activities or they play. Now that the weather is nice, my eldest does homework and reads and younger two are on the trampoline (best investment ever made).

They watch a lot more tv on weekends and we don’t limit it. We also have a lot of activities, but they probably watch 2-3 hours a day. We are watching a lot of National Geographic documentaries together and all 3 kids love them (and parents too).

The worst is when I am trying to work and my youngest is home alone because sick or his activity was canceled (happened yesterday). He watched 20 min of Ntflix until husband came home. This does not happen often, but we all do what we have to and sometimes that is putting kids in front of the TV.


For all the people that say tht screen time is different now from when we were young, that is true. I wonder if our parents thought the same about our time and how much time we spend on the couch watching tv (I know I did).

OP - I would love to get a trampoline but my husband refuses. Said that there is too much liability (he is a lawyer) and also we have a ton of friends who are in the medical profession who said it is a horrible idea. Not sure how I can change his mind!

Pathetic

From the Cleveland Clinic: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/surprising-dangers-of-trampolines-for-kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's horrible. However, we don't do it. Here's my TV journey if anyone is interested. I swear I am not being smug -- I do not judge anyone!

Like a lot of kids in the 80s, I watched tons of TV as a kid. The TV was on pretty much all the time. We watched Saturday cartoons and after school cartoons. I watched shows like Saved by the Bell. We'd have the TV on showing syndicated sitcoms in the pre-dinner hours. On weekends sports were always on. During the day my mom watched daytime talk shows. In the summer we watched the Price is Right, talk shows, and sometimes soap operas. We also watched the news, weekend matinee movies, etc. When I was in high school I stayed up late to watch Letterman. When we got up in the morning, we'd watch CNN or the Today Show. If people were awake, the TV was probably on.

When I became an adult, this was also part of my habit. As a student and then when I started working, I would watch cable news or a morning news show as I got ready in the morning. I watched random reality shows on TLC during class breaks in college. I'd turn on the TV and watch movies or late night when I got home from hanging out with friends. I watched TV with roommates in the evening.

I started working remotely well before Covid, like around 2010. I got in the habit of putting on cable news in the background when I worked at home. It got to the point where I just didn't like the quiet if it wasn't on. If I stayed up late to work, I'd often put on reruns of a show like Friends or the West Wing -- something I could ignore but would be comforting background noise. I noticed my parents did this too, when I visited -- the TV was always on, even if they weren't watching it.

Then I had kids, and got inundated with all the stuff about screen time. At first I kind of ignored it (I watched a lot of TV and I'm well educated and employed, what's the big deal). I watched plenty of TV while on maternity leave with my first. But as my kids got older, I noticed how easily their eyes drifted to screens, no matter the context. I also noticed the effect it had on them, the way the could zone out even to a commercial or a sporting event they didn't understand. I started also recognizing these habits in myself. Over time I started keeping the TV off more. I'd put on music, or just let it be quiet. At first it was hard but then I started to appreciate it. I liked that my kids never zoned out in front of it. If they watched TV, it was intentional, like "okay we're going to watch 30 minutes of Bluey and then turn it off." They came to accept these limits easily in a way I would have had a very hard time with as a kid.

I started especially enjoying the family time we had with the TV off. We got really into music, the kids worked up their own playlists. We talked to each other more and listened more. It wasn't totally on purpose, but we got to the point where we just do not turn on the TV during the day before about 8pm, except a handful of times during the NFL season to watch a specific game. We cut the cord on cable and didn't even miss it.

I don't think not watching TV makes us better people. And we DO still watch -- DH and I watch an hour or two almost nightly, but always something purposeful, a baseball game or a movie or one of a handful of shows. We don't just turn on the TV to turn it on, and if there's nothing specific we want to watch, we leave it off. We do movie nights with the kids and they have a handful of shows they like too, and we aren't super restrictive about that. But they don't ask for TV that often, to be honest. It's a treat, something that happens on a snow day or a rainy Saturday or when they are sick, but not expected daily. Recently we started watching Abbott Elementary with them once a week and that's been a fun family viewing experience. I expect we'll watch more TV with them as they get older and stay up later, and as their TV interests start to intersect with ours more. I don't think TV is evil. I actually love TV!

But I have come around on the idea of TV being addictive, and limiting both how much we watch and what we watch. I do think it's good for my kids to learn they don't need the distraction or soothing qualities of TV all the time, something I didn't learn until my late 30s! It doesn't mean no TVs or no screens, but I do think I was someone who watched too much TV and I'm definitely better off having learned to scale it way back.

I totally could have written this!

If my brain wasn't full of the plot of every episode of Saved by the Bell I probably would not be on DCUM during my coffee break and instead off curing cancer.

No, in all seriousness, we always had the TV on growing up and I notice when I visit my parents who are still the same way how distracting it is. It's hard for me to think straight! I've noticed in keeping weekdays mostly screen free how many more conversations I've had with my kids. Instead of rushing through dinner to turn on a show, we sit and chat for a while or do a board game. It's really nice.

Then I veg out later!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel differently about TV and tablets. I think TV is fine - the kids have to watch with each other (so they are learning to negotiate what to watch, or they will naturally drift away if it's not a show they're into), it's less addictive, you can see/hear what kinds of things they are watching, etc. Youtube and stuff like that is 95% banned (occasionally my 10 yo will set up in the kitchen with a learn to crochet type video on my laptop). Tablets we reserve for long trips, or if they have friends/cousins over and want to play Minecraft together, we will let them do that, since they don't know how to go on each other's worlds otherwise.

Big difference between tablets and TV - totally agree.

I honestly hate tablets for early elementary. My seven-year-old has a bunch of friends who basically have unfettered access to theirs and they talk about some weird stuff they find on Youtube, Netflix, in the games, and even Disney+. It is not benign: it creates this urge to be entertained by a screen constantly and they want to sit there and watch each other play video games on a playdate.

[Anonymous]

If they are talking (mentally engaging) about what's on TV/screen, it's no worse than other indoor unathletic playtime.

If they aren't getting exercise every day, they should do some kind of workout videos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are similar ages (10, 8, 5). They don’t watch tv during the week except for 15-20 min after breakfast most days. In the afternoon is activities or they play. Now that the weather is nice, my eldest does homework and reads and younger two are on the trampoline (best investment ever made).

They watch a lot more tv on weekends and we don’t limit it. We also have a lot of activities, but they probably watch 2-3 hours a day. We are watching a lot of National Geographic documentaries together and all 3 kids love them (and parents too).

The worst is when I am trying to work and my youngest is home alone because sick or his activity was canceled (happened yesterday). He watched 20 min of Ntflix until husband came home. This does not happen often, but we all do what we have to and sometimes that is putting kids in front of the TV.


For all the people that say tht screen time is different now from when we were young, that is true. I wonder if our parents thought the same about our time and how much time we spend on the couch watching tv (I know I did).

OP - I would love to get a trampoline but my husband refuses. Said that there is too much liability (he is a lawyer) and also we have a ton of friends who are in the medical profession who said it is a horrible idea. Not sure how I can change his mind!

Pathetic

From the Cleveland Clinic: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/surprising-dangers-of-trampolines-for-kids

I wonder about the mental health consequences of over-protecting kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they are talking (mentally engaging) about what's on TV/screen, it's no worse than other indoor unathletic playtime.

If they aren't getting exercise every day, they should do some kind of workout videos.

No worse than board games that can teach social skills and strategy or art projects that develop hand strength and coordination or reading that can develop vocabulary, etc etc....?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are similar ages (10, 8, 5). They don’t watch tv during the week except for 15-20 min after breakfast most days. In the afternoon is activities or they play. Now that the weather is nice, my eldest does homework and reads and younger two are on the trampoline (best investment ever made).

They watch a lot more tv on weekends and we don’t limit it. We also have a lot of activities, but they probably watch 2-3 hours a day. We are watching a lot of National Geographic documentaries together and all 3 kids love them (and parents too).

The worst is when I am trying to work and my youngest is home alone because sick or his activity was canceled (happened yesterday). He watched 20 min of Ntflix until husband came home. This does not happen often, but we all do what we have to and sometimes that is putting kids in front of the TV.


For all the people that say tht screen time is different now from when we were young, that is true. I wonder if our parents thought the same about our time and how much time we spend on the couch watching tv (I know I did).

OP - I would love to get a trampoline but my husband refuses. Said that there is too much liability (he is a lawyer) and also we have a ton of friends who are in the medical profession who said it is a horrible idea. Not sure how I can change his mind!

Pathetic

From the Cleveland Clinic: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/surprising-dangers-of-trampolines-for-kids

I wonder about the mental health consequences of over-protecting kids.

Not getting a trampoline is not over protecting. It is very common for kids to have serious accidents, I personally know one teen who fractured her spine and has metal and pins in her back as a result and another kid who was just standing by a trampoline when the jumper landed on him and broke his collarbone. Also, if your insurance finds out you have one many will cancel you.

[Anonymous]

I’m a single parent and my DS in now 19. I’m a teacher and I used to clean houses on weekends to make extra money. My son would watch TV for hours while I cleaned (later he started helping me). Now he’s in a top college often mentioned on DCUM. I watched TV for hours every day as a kid as did my friends. We are all successful people.

My one caveat comes from being a teacher and hearing from parents that their kid is allowed to be unsupervised on a tablet/phone. This is not okay. One of my kindergarteners started attacking other students at recess. He had been watching mixed martial arts videos online and his mom said she had no idea. She put on a kid’s video but didn’t supervise him so she eventually found he switched to these violent videos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single parent and my DS in now 19. I’m a teacher and I used to clean houses on weekends to make extra money. My son would watch TV for hours while I cleaned (later he started helping me). Now he’s in a top college often mentioned on DCUM. I watched TV for hours every day as a kid as did my friends. We are all successful people.

My one caveat comes from being a teacher and hearing from parents that their kid is allowed to be unsupervised on a tablet/phone. This is not okay. One of my kindergarteners started attacking other students at recess. He had been watching mixed martial arts videos online and his mom said she had no idea. She put on a kid’s video but didn’t supervise him so she eventually found he switched to these violent videos.

Yes - there is a kid in my DD's class with a ton of issues with violence, fighting, and inappropriate language (we are talking telling the teacher to F off) and he reports that he is constantly on Youtube. They are military with a lot of kids and I think the mom has a lot on her plate so I can see how it happens but the behavior is bad and the connection is obvious.

[Anonymous]

Totally fine!!

[Anonymous]

OP I don't think it's a horrible habit, but you have to decide what you want your kids to do.

I can solo parent my similarly aged kids while cooking dinner and they are reading, crafting, hanging out in the yard, or doing other non-screen things. They don't have access to a tablet except occasionally over the summer (in a public space of the house) for math review. We've been low screen during the week since they were little and this is what they are used to. It took work at first but now it's easy.

On the weekends they get movie night - just them because we parents are usually busy despite our intention to watch as a family - and Wii time together so we are definitely not no screens at all.

Your kids will likely grow up just as creative and intelligent and happy as mine. I just enjoy seeing what mine come up with to fill their time and they seem happy with it, so that's what we do. But you do you.

[Anonymous]

I definitely watched two hours of tv a day as a kid. As a parent, my kids barely get two hours a week of screen time and I keep them too busy for it and say ho more than half the time they ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I don't think it's a horrible habit, but you have to decide what you want your kids to do.

I can solo parent my similarly aged kids while cooking dinner and they are reading, crafting, hanging out in the yard, or doing other non-screen things. They don't have access to a tablet except occasionally over the summer (in a public space of the house) for math review. We've been low screen during the week since they were little and this is what they are used to. It took work at first but now it's easy.

On the weekends they get movie night - just them because we parents are usually busy despite our intention to watch as a family - and Wii time together so we are definitely not no screens at all.

Your kids will likely grow up just as creative and intelligent and happy as mine. I just enjoy seeing what mine come up with to fill their time and they seem happy with it, so that's what we do. But you do you.

This. There is a big gap between "horrible" and "not ideal." You and your DH have to decide how you want to parent your kids. The internet can't answer that for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - thank you! I feel like a horrible mother when I read the thread about no phones and people say their kids don’t watch any tv and they are 10.

I am going to hold off on phones until at least 13 (hoping more like high school) but haven’t been able to hold off on the tv thing.

They are extreme outliers. I have 2 elementary school kids and I can’t think of anyone we know who doesn’t allow tv. As long as they still have activities, spend time outside playing, see friends, get enough family time sans screens (like we do family dinner w no screens), get their homework done/spend time reading every day, eat healthy, and get enough sleep, and as long as they’re not watching age inappropriate stuff, screens aren’t a big deal. It’s a balance.