Friend offering to be a wet nurse - How would you feel?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, but the fact that one or two posters on here would be creeped out by this is very sad to me. Very generous of you, OP! I'm part of a group of friends who all met while breastfeeding newborns. One was thinking of doing formula during a long term business trip and another one, who had huge excesses of frozen milk in a deep freezer, gave her a ton of breastmilk. It's not that uncommon, even here in the U.S. You sound like a great friend!

[Anonymous]

I share the PPs' thoughts about it being a nice gesture. I did something similar, if that makes you feel better. One of my friends chose not to breastfeed, but then her days-old son had really severe GI issues with every kind of formula, was losing weight, etc.

At that point, I offered her my breastmilk because it's high-fat (not to mention all the other medical benefits of breastmilk) - but I didn't say that part. I just said "here is another option - just throwing it out there if it's something you want to consider for a day, a week, or longer ...." She knows and loves my daughter (then a year old), so I didn't think she would be weirded out. She was very, very appreciative, but at that point, the docs had switched her son to a high-cal formula that he could tolerate.

So, I wouldn't necessarily expect her to take you up on it, but it's the thought that counts!

[Anonymous]

If you were my friend, I would have gratefully accepted your offer. I was suffering from under-supply and other stuff so our bf was not working out. I would have been very grateful to anyone who would have offered frozen milk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is creepy at all -- many women donate spare milk to milk banks or even via milkshare more locally.

I think to many women there's a big difference between offering frozen milk and being a wet nurse and actually nursing her child from your breast, at least to most women.

Your babies are the same age so nutritionally you'd have the "right" fat ratio for a newborn, etc. I would make sure that you haven't frozen milk that is extremely heavy in foremilk though, that would NOT be good for any baby's tummy.

I agree. There are a few milk banks in this country - one in Ohio, not sure about around here. So even if she doesn't take you up on the offer, you might be able to donate it anyway. As someone who had a terrible time breastfeeding (low production) I would really, really appreciate your offer. I would probably accept if you were a close friend so it can't hurt to ask.
I know that you aren't that close to her, but maybe because your husband is, she wouldn't have a problem

[Anonymous]

I didn't read the rest of the posts, but OP, I think you're making a very kind and generous offer. Very compassionate of you.

I most certainly wouldn't be offended if someone offered. If someone gets offended by your generosity, it's most definitely their problem and not yours. You have good intentions and are being very caring.

Hope all turns out well!

[Anonymous]

A zillion other posters have already weighed in, but I just wanted to say I think it's nice of you to offer! Just don't be offended if she says no; there are a lot of emotions wrapped up in breast-feeding (and inability to breast-feed) and if she turns you down, it probably has nothing to do with you.

[Anonymous]

What a kind person you are! I wouldn't be offended or weirded out if I were your friend. Some people are funny about it though so you never know.

I did want to mention that it would be awesome for you to donate your milk to a milk bank to help the premies in the NICU. These little guys need it so badly and it can actually save their lives in some cases because it can protect them from EC (don't ask me to spell it but it's a deadly digestive issue and breastmilk provides so much proteciton from it in premies). With your over supply and the small amounts of BM these premies take in you could literally make a life saving difference for a large number of preterm babies.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all of the replies, but I had a thought and I don't know if it's been expressed. I think your offer is very kind and generous, but I think your husband should have a say in whether you make the offer. He is the one with the closer relationship to the family and the one with the most to lose in the unlikely event the offer isn't taken well. I'll also note that your supply wont be this crazy forever, so save some milk for yourself too. You might also consider trying to pump less so your body knows to produce closer to what your DC needs. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

I also echo PP's sentiments on your generosity.

I would also ask her that if she does decide to switch to stop BF altogether, (even if she decides to take your BM), to let you know which brand she chooses because you can also sign up for coupons and give them to her. Formula is ridiculously expensive and the coupons they send you when you sign up for their programs are very valuable. My MIL did this without even asking me, and it is so sweet.

[Anonymous]

OP back again.
DH said that I could do whatever I think is the right thing but he raised very serious cultural issues that I should think before doing anything. He doesn't think that the offer itself would harm his relationship with the family.

Bottom line is: I'll join milk share and donate it anonymously, that's it.

Thank you all for your words, it was really good to "hear" from you and your POV.

[Anonymous]

gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:gross.

by any chance are you the lady with no friends from the other topic?

[Anonymous]

You are not using the correct terminology. You would be donating breast milk, not being a wet nurse.

A generous offer.. .