If you’re a woman and married someone from a lower socioeconomic class

[Anonymous]

The hardest part was trying to understand my mother in law (think Steve's mother from sex and the city but less endearing and more immature). A deprived girl in an adult woman's body basically.... reactive, immature, inappropriate and needy. And hostile to learning. Unlke any adult woman I ever met. Her own history of poverty and deprivation certainly did not have to be an issue but combined with her mental health problems and her resistance to help...yea she was a big cross for me and caused a lot of pain for years. Like most sons my husband could not see it until late in the game. So there's the possibility of that. Otherwise I love most of the people in his family.

[Anonymous]

*poster above. And he has been a great husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I think is weird is I made the calculus that it would be ok based on his stated ambition and didn’t realize that your class sometimes affects your understanding or expectation of what it takes to achieve. Like I thought he’d get that it is hard regardless of class but maybe bc he had fewer role models for ambition he fundamentally doesn’t get that to rise up the ladder you need to put in evenings and weekends and make a lot of calls and meet a lot of people. Even tho he sees me do that. That confuses me and I hope our kids don’t learn passivity from him

Wow, I was in that situation and I never thought it that way. That's really insightful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did. educationally not a huge difference (he actually has more education and a postgrad. But his upbringing didn't set him up for the level of ambition i think i expected or even that he wanted to have. If you are good at medicine in his town, you become a nurse, not a dr. He fundamentally lacks the understanding perhaps or the ability to truly hustle. It is a problem. I also find it hard to really click with his childhood friends and family bc they are not really interested in culture or news or pushing themselves to do anything really impactful or interesting and i feel like a fish out of water AND huge a****** pretty much 100% of the time.

That's the problem. With spouse's family, there is no aspiration. Just sports, drinking, working on the house, hunting, and fishing. And anyone with an education or wants to move is a threat. "Oh, you think you're better, don't you"?

My former BIL said that to me when I answered the question "where did you go to college" posed by someone else. And no, the answer wasn't "at a college in Cambridge" or something equally as annoying. T25 school but not an Ivy. I answered the question asked and then BIL followed up with "so you're saying you think you're better than me?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I think is weird is I made the calculus that it would be ok based on his stated ambition and didn’t realize that your class sometimes affects your understanding or expectation of what it takes to achieve. Like I thought he’d get that it is hard regardless of class but maybe bc he had fewer role models for ambition he fundamentally doesn’t get that to rise up the ladder you need to put in evenings and weekends and make a lot of calls and meet a lot of people. Even tho he sees me do that. That confuses me and I hope our kids don’t learn passivity from him

Wow, I was in that situation and I never thought it that way. That's really insightful.

What it takes to achieve but moreso, what achievement even means. My husband's family resented educated professionals. They didn't say it directly but you could infer it based on other things they said. My husband was not that way, on the contrary actually. Otherwise I would not have married him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like many of these posts this is a racist thread. A lower socio-economic post no doubt means a white person marrying a minority. Name me one real situation wherein the socio-economic “superior” is brown / black and the “inferior” is white in this area. So basically this is the same post e g a white woman is appropriating a minority. Wake up people and flush this nonsense down the drain. We all bleed red. Learn it live it love it. We will be a better country and thus world if we dont discriminate based on color

Uh no.
I replied and I am a white person marrying a white person. Seriously need to stop seeing racism everyf-ing where

Seriously with the racist BS. I am a white women UMC married to a white man from a blue collar family who earns NOTHING. He is lazy and has not worked in 3 years. We are getting divorced. Race has nothing to do with ambition and work ethic, it has to do with someone's character! Get your head straight. It's comments like this, that really scare me. Call out racism when it in fact applies! JFC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like many of these posts this is a racist thread. A lower socio-economic post no doubt means a white person marrying a minority. Name me one real situation wherein the socio-economic “superior” is brown / black and the “inferior” is white in this area. So basically this is the same post e g a white woman is appropriating a minority. Wake up people and flush this nonsense down the drain. We all bleed red. Learn it live it love it. We will be a better country and thus world if we dont discriminate based on color

Seriously with the racist BS. I am a white women UMC married to a white man from a blue collar family who earns NOTHING. He is lazy and has not worked in 3 years. We are getting divorced. Race has nothing to do with ambition and work ethic, it has to do with someone's character! Get your head straight. It's comments like this, that really scare me. Call out racism when it in fact applies! JFC

[Anonymous]

I married into a family that dresses the part but underneath they are low class. No morals, willing to befriend anyone whom they think they can use to climb social/economic ladder. Gag me with a spoon, I wish I figured them out before I got married. Now I’m stuck with their BS passive aggressive behavior toward each other. Trying to have conversations with any depth is pointless. Not the way I grew up and it’s perhaps causing me to have an ulcer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like many of these posts this is a racist thread. A lower socio-economic post no doubt means a white person marrying a minority. Name me one real situation wherein the socio-economic “superior” is brown / black and the “inferior” is white in this area. So basically this is the same post e g a white woman is appropriating a minority. Wake up people and flush this nonsense down the drain. We all bleed red. Learn it live it love it. We will be a better country and thus world if we dont discriminate based on color

Indian women (and some men) when they marry out, the majority of the time marry a white person who is of lower SES

[Anonymous]

Hoping to marry or at least date one soon. There's a reason he is earning less; he is a recent immigrant. I came here in 1996.
He is so hard working and hot. I just can't keep my hands off of him. We are also in our forties, so who cares how much he makes. I have investments growing and I'm good at sharing my money.