This is kind of sad though as well |
Athleticism is a gift, just like any other gift. If one were a gifted musician who decided not to play their instrument or any instrument of choice, that would feel like a loss. Or if your child were brilliant but chose to do nothing with it, that would be maddening and also, feel like a loss. When you are the parent, coach, teacher, or choir instructor of one of these types of kids, then you know it when you see it—the kid who has a gift but no or very little drive to do anything with it. Eventually, we all hopefully learn to accept our children for who they are and choose to be, but it's not easy when you see natural god-given talent not being used. Especially if that becomes a habit. And yes, I think this has a lot to do with personality, which can be visible in the very young. The kid who is a runner and pushes the limits as a toddler, as opposed to the one who sticks by their mom's side without much need to tell him to do so, is probably going to be the kid who goes on to take risks, both good and bad that may lead him/her to lead a very successful life regardless of how much god-given aptitude they naturally possess. Being a gunner can take you a long way in this life. Hard work and drive can take you a long way in this life, but hard work, drive, and natural, God-given talent can take you much farther, and make for a beautiful life. |
Motivation, grit, a willingness to work hard, etc. are different, though, from aggressiveness. The latter is about having the natural desire to get in the middle of a scrum and be the one who comes out with the ball, for example. A child can be very motivated, gritty, and hard working without being aggressive. My DD is a figure skater who would be at the rink every single afternoon practicing until every move was perfect if I let her, but she is not aggressive at all. She hated soccer. Grit and a good work ethic are somewhat innate, but less so than aggressiveness. At age 7 I do think it starts to become clear if your kid is aggressive, and if they're not, I don't think they will be at age 12. And -- good news -- if they're not, there are still so many sports they can excel at. But, they will need a strong work ethic to do well in any sport. |
I agree with this. My kid has grit and drive to work hard, but is not aggressive. He is coachable, and will likely up the aggression somewhat if instructed to and taught how. |
Both? Nature-nurture. If you have more than one kid you know some kids are naturally more aggressive than others. But in most cases, sports teams can support various different personality types in different positions and kids grow up and develop too. |
Is it being “aggressive” or is it being “competitive”. My oldest was highly competitive growing up, which we worked on curbing some. He’s also really athletic so it naturally came out when he played.
He’s now 14 and has learned to be measured in his competitiveness but still has that drive, both on and off the field. It’s been a great character trait for him, but something he’s had to learn to manage. I will also say, we had friends with boys like yours. Their sons have also done great in both school and sports, but just tend to engage differently. Sort of gentler, less competitive. Great kids, all of them. |
I like what you have to say here but I would quibble with the perspective thing a bit. Most good athletes are very invested in the outcome as they age and it is very normal to experience anxiety before a match/meet/game and regret after…often the latter is what inspires lessons being learned and more intense and focused practice/trainimg. As mom to three kids - one of whom is a bit timid, one of whom is classically aggressive, and one of whom is a bit of both (hello Goldilocks) I think the aggression is intrinsic/total instinct. It is not good or bad. Aggression or gameness can be learned to a degree but some people just have it at birth. I’ve competed at an elite level in soccer and cross country/track and these were the people I was most *scared* to compete against. |
Like you and the last few PP’s I want to draw a line between what some posters are calling aggressive (by which they mean impulsive) and very competitive. I stopped playing pick up basketball in the driveway with one of my kids when he was 6, because his hip checks would leave me on the ground bleeding. He was playing proper basketball, and I was too slow and unskilled to handle it. He and DH battled it out happily/argumentatively until DH started to lose every game when DS was 12 or 13. That child is playing D1 soccer now. My other two sound more like yours, OP. Our DD always cared about doing her best to win games, but shied away from tackles when she was in elementary school. She got a bit more aggressive each year and ended up a strong soccer who still preferred a great passing game to a lot of direct 1 v 1s. She had a blast playing club soccer in college. The youngest is a great athlete who was extremely avoidant of physical challenges as a young kid, slowing changing along the way. You’d never know it now that he’s in high school. From what we’ve seen with our kids and their teammates, if you love the game and have the mental and physical tools to perform well, you ultimately adapt to the required aggression even if that’s not your default impulse. If they don’t love the game, there’s no real reason to worry about it, though generally speaking MS and HS are indeed easier for boys who are good at sports. |
The kids are pretty much going to stay the same though. Before kinder it is evident who will be an athlete. This continues years on BUT it's still important for unathletic kids to still PLAY ball sports with their peers and kids learn to give them a shot and include friends. Sports give us a release and are important to learn/attempt. I loathe the brainless posters who say "it's not like they're going to be professionals" because they have an idiotic notion that everyone encouraging a modicum of sports participation is trying to be the Williams sisters' dad. |
No they’re not |
Why are there four pages of posts when the only appropriate response was this one? |
Wow you’re an absolute idiot if you think this |
OP, my kid was like yours. Well rounded and loved participating in sports - but never aggressive. Like yours, he was more competitive/aggressive at home with his siblings! He's now a D1 athlete in a sport that requires athleticism but not aggression. |
Secretive sport |
This was me - I was terrible in almost every sport, but I'm a good tennis player. |