Has anyone left a family vacation/IL vacation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, my son saw a neurologist until he was 10 and released from care. I live in the DMV. We have a wealth of specialists and medical researchers here. I trust them first and always have.

Boundaries are a thing. Don’t respect them and I’m out.

You sound very defensive and insecure. You should work on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, my son saw a neurologist until he was 10 and released from care. I live in the DMV. We have a wealth of specialists and medical researchers here. I trust them first and always have.

Boundaries are a thing. Don’t respect them and I’m out.

You sound very defensive and insecure. You should work on that.

You sound like you lack a frontal contex. You should work on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

When SFIL who is a pediatrician cornered me and told me that in his ‘clinical opinion’, S had autism even though I informed him that he had had a multidisciplinary evaluation due to a speech delay and his doctors concluded that they did not think he was at that time.

18 years later, S is neurotypical although he did need speech therapy to help with articulation until he was 5.

SFIL has kept his mouth shut ever since.

He was just trying to help, PP. I suspected my son had autism when he was a toddler, we had him evaluated several times and every time they diagnosed him with ADHD and learning disorders but were not entirely sure about the autism... until at 17, when doing one last evaluation to get accommodations for college, the psychologist diagnosed him with autism, in addition to the ADHD. Luckily, I had sent him to social skills groups and autism-friendly speech and occupational therapy for years, which is what he needed anyway.

Your SFIL stopped making comments because he saw that in your mind, autism is something to be ashamed of. You shouldn't think like that. It hurts all the families who really do have autism in their families, and who may struggle with taboos that end up impeding diagnosis and treatment for their children. Often the line between autism, speech issues and ADHD is VERY VAGUE (most kids with autism have attention problems and speech delays), so his comment to you is not at all out of left field, and not something to be offended about.

I hope you can remember that next time you see him.

Nope. That was 16 years ago. I didn’t ask for his opinion. I explained what his actual doctors said.

Everyone with a medical degree would know that it takes more than a meal with a two year old to diagnose autism. Also, sharing nosy personal opinions is rude even if you have a specific degree.

Nosy personal opinions about his grandson???!!!! You have a different idea of family than I do.

New poster here. You and sfil are out of line. It wasn't his place to diagnose this child. That is rude. Too many people like you think all etiquitte should be thrown out of the window with family. That is what causes 99% of family strife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

When SFIL who is a pediatrician cornered me and told me that in his ‘clinical opinion’, S had autism even though I informed him that he had had a multidisciplinary evaluation due to a speech delay and his doctors concluded that they did not think he was at that time.

18 years later, S is neurotypical although he did need speech therapy to help with articulation until he was 5.

SFIL has kept his mouth shut ever since.

He was just trying to help, PP. I suspected my son had autism when he was a toddler, we had him evaluated several times and every time they diagnosed him with ADHD and learning disorders but were not entirely sure about the autism... until at 17, when doing one last evaluation to get accommodations for college, the psychologist diagnosed him with autism, in addition to the ADHD. Luckily, I had sent him to social skills groups and autism-friendly speech and occupational therapy for years, which is what he needed anyway.

Your SFIL stopped making comments because he saw that in your mind, autism is something to be ashamed of. You shouldn't think like that. It hurts all the families who really do have autism in their families, and who may struggle with taboos that end up impeding diagnosis and treatment for their children. Often the line between autism, speech issues and ADHD is VERY VAGUE (most kids with autism have attention problems and speech delays), so his comment to you is not at all out of left field, and not something to be offended about.

I hope you can remember that next time you see him.

Nope. That was 16 years ago. I didn’t ask for his opinion. I explained what his actual doctors said.

Everyone with a medical degree would know that it takes more than a meal with a two year old to diagnose autism. Also, sharing nosy personal opinions is rude even if you have a specific degree.

Nosy personal opinions about his grandson???!!!! You have a different idea of family than I do.

NP. And? So? Yes, people have different views about what crossing a boundary is or isn't. That's why the polite thing to do is keep your personal opinions to yourself unless ASKED for advice.

I'm curious about how many family members you have close relationships with, and what makes your family relationships different from work acquaintances?

You are weird.What sfil did was rude and unhelpful. Those of us with kids with differences have had to deal with idiots like you since time began.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not trying to be snarky, but why exactly would you agree to go on a vacation where you already are planning for the likelihood that you will have to leave early due to toxic behavior? Just don’t go on vacation with the extended family.

This. No vacation, even free, is worth that. I just wouldn’t go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YEs, but not in the way you're referencing.
My sister (and her entire family) are coming to my lake home for the 4th of July. 13 ppl will be there.
I envision us (and our spouses) taking the boat out for hours and leaving the kids home alone to bond - they're all in their 20s. They'll be fine, but loud and eating constantly while they play games or paddle around in the water.
They can fend for themselves while we have some peace.

OMG. Do you actually think this is on topic? Do you even care or just like to type for fun?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it was unplanned, but we did pack up and leave a family vacation (and all but cut ties with the offending family member) after a”last straw” of mean behavior. But I understand why OP is considering a vacation with toxic family members. It wasn’t until my mid-40s, after our experience, that I realized how much my siblings and I had been manipulated to believe that it was our job to tolerate the toxic family member and view the bad behavior as “normal.” And that we had been taught that setting reasonable boundaries was not acceptable. So I get why people twist themselves into pretzels to try to visit and appease these types of family members while trying to protect themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it was unplanned, but we did pack up and leave a family vacation (and all but cut ties with the offending family member) after a”last straw” of mean behavior. But I understand why OP is considering a vacation with toxic family members. It wasn’t until my mid-40s, after our experience, that I realized how much my siblings and I had been manipulated to believe that it was our job to tolerate the toxic family member and view the bad behavior as “normal.” And that we had been taught that setting reasonable boundaries was not acceptable. So I get why people twist themselves into pretzels to try to visit and appease these types of family members while trying to protect themselves.

So, A., explanation for why people are doing this. B., why they actually should not.

[Anonymous]

I stopped going on trips with a specific sibling
after many, many bad experiences with her on trips.