Found out my boyfriend I met online has been lying to me....

[Anonymous]

This is going to be long so I apologize!

So I met a guy online in mid December and we really connected right away. We talked for about 3 days online and then exchanged numbers. We then texted for about 2 weeks before we decided to meet in person. He lives 4 hours away from me so he came down for the weekend and stayed in a hotel. After that weekend, we decided to make things official. We definitely fell for each other pretty quickly and I thought that he might be "the one". Well over the last couple of weeks, certain things have been making me question him and wonder if he's being honest with me. He will disappear for hours (8+ hours) and I won't hear from him at all. For example, a couple of weeks ago, we were texting throughout the day and randomly at around 3:30pm, he stopped texting me and I didn't hear from him until 8:30am the next morning. I of course was freaking out thinking that something happened to him and when he texted me the next morning at 8:30, he just used some excuse about getting busy at work (he works on a farm in upstate NY) and then went to his grandparents house and lost track of time, etc. etc. This has happened about 4-5 times now where he will disappear for hours and then re appear with some weird excuse.

Well over the last 2 weeks, things have been a bit weird with us and he's been a bit distant and we've been arguing and questioning our relationship. Things got really bad the other day and we spent all day just arguing via text. Well I got a weird feeling about things and went online and saw that he put his dating profile back up. Obviously I called him out on it and he told me that he did it because he was angry and frustrated and it "just happened". Well yesterday, we pretty much ended things after fighting all day but yet he keeps telling me he cares about me and doesn't want to end things and that he's just confused, etc. Well my best friend doesn't trust him at all and told me that I should make a fake profile online and start talking to him and see if he is lying about everything. So tonight, I decided to make a profile and message him and just see if he said anything that didn't line up. Well literally 10 minutes into us messaging, I asked him what he did for a job and he told the "fake profile girl" that he works for 2 different jobs in the morning/night which is NOT what he's been telling me. So I made a comment about seeing in his profile that he works for his family (which is what he's told me, that he works for his families farm) and his response was "I used to but they sold it a couple of years back and now I work.....". I literally sat there in SHOCK. So pretty much for 2 months now, he's been lying to me about what he does for a job and now I'm questioning everything he's ever told me. My friend is telling me that this is probably one giant joke to him and that I should keep talking to him on this profile to see what else I find out.

I honestly don't know what to do. It took every ounce of me to not text him the second I saw that message and just go off on him but I controlled myself. So I want to see what others think about all of this and what you would do. Would you dig deeper and see what else you could find that he may be lying about or just let it go and move on? Oh and if it matters, I'm 27 and he's 26.

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I would let it go and move on. It's hard enough having a long-distance relationship, and you've got very little invested in this relationship. I know it doesn't feel like that to you, emotionally, but in practical terms - you've known him only a couple of months. You don't have shared finances, or children, or friends/family. What would continuing to chat with him under the fake persona gain you? You already know he is willing to pursue other women, even if only online. You already know he is either lying to you directly, or to your 'fake persona.' Does any of this sound like a guy you want to be in relationship with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I would let it go and move on. It's hard enough having a long-distance relationship, and you've got very little invested in this relationship. I know it doesn't feel like that to you, emotionally, but in practical terms - you've known him only a couple of months. You don't have shared finances, or children, or friends/family. What would continuing to chat with him under the fake persona gain you? You already know he is willing to pursue other women, even if only online. You already know he is either lying to you directly, or to your 'fake persona.' Does any of this sound like a guy you want to be in relationship with?

OP here: I just feel like I wasted two months of my life with someone who I really thought could be the one because we just clicked so easily from day 1. It really pisses me off to think that this could have been a game to him from the beginning and I kind of just want to know what else he could be lying to me about. I know that probably comes off as immature or pathetic but I'm the type of person who likes to know EVERYTHING and thinking that there may be A LOT more that he's been lying about, is driving me crazy!

[Anonymous]

Move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I would let it go and move on. It's hard enough having a long-distance relationship, and you've got very little invested in this relationship. I know it doesn't feel like that to you, emotionally, but in practical terms - you've known him only a couple of months. You don't have shared finances, or children, or friends/family. What would continuing to chat with him under the fake persona gain you? You already know he is willing to pursue other women, even if only online. You already know he is either lying to you directly, or to your 'fake persona.' Does any of this sound like a guy you want to be in relationship with?

OP here: I just feel like I wasted two months of my life with someone who I really thought could be the one because we just clicked so easily from day 1. It really pisses me off to think that this could have been a game to him from the beginning and I kind of just want to know what else he could be lying to me about. I know that probably comes off as immature or pathetic but I'm the type of person who likes to know EVERYTHING and thinking that there may be A LOT more that he's been lying about, is driving me crazy!

I don't think wanting to know the truth makes you immature or pathetic, but.... you have ZERO way to know whether what he tells fake persona girl is true or not. He could have lied to you about some things, but told the truth about others. He could tell the same lies to fake persona girl, or different ones. Even if he told you he works on a farm, and her he works somewhere else - the truth could be something completely different than either of those. If you think that he's telling fake persona girl the truth, ask him (using fake persona) about his last relationship. I betting you won't get the same story you lived through, being the other half of that last relationship.

[Anonymous]

He's either married, has kids, is a creep or outright panty chaser.

Go find someone else that lives near you preferably in the same town where you can check his life yourself. These long distance romances never work out. Either money or time kills it and the opportunity to lie is too easy.

You already know everything you need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's either married, has kids, is a creep or outright panty chaser.

Go find someone else that lives near you preferably in the same town where you can check his life yourself. These long distance romances never work out. Either money or time kills it and the opportunity to lie is too easy.

You already know everything you need to know.

+1

[Anonymous]

Ok so you are mad that he is lying to you but now you are lying to him? Is that right?

Why didn't you just ask him honestly? I think YOU have created and dug your own hole and now you have a relationship of lies on your end. He could be telling the truth. You sound controlling for just dating two months.

Move on OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I would let it go and move on. It's hard enough having a long-distance relationship, and you've got very little invested in this relationship. I know it doesn't feel like that to you, emotionally, but in practical terms - you've known him only a couple of months. You don't have shared finances, or children, or friends/family. What would continuing to chat with him under the fake persona gain you? You already know he is willing to pursue other women, even if only online. You already know he is either lying to you directly, or to your 'fake persona.' Does any of this sound like a guy you want to be in relationship with?

+1 What's the point in engaging with him further? I know you felt a strong connection, but you've only been dating him for such a short time. Here's what you DO know, and it should be enough: he is a liar, he is actively pursuing other women, he isn't at all reliable and cannot seem to sustain a connection anyway. Thank your lucky stars you saw the truth before you invested more time in this BS. If I were you I wouldn't even want to be associated with someone like this, nor would I feel safe maintaining any connection with him. Sever ties and move on - no brainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so you are mad that he is lying to you but now you are lying to him? Is that right?

Why didn't you just ask him honestly? I think YOU have created and dug your own hole and now you have a relationship of lies on your end. He could be telling the truth. You sound controlling for just dating two months.

Move on OP.

The dude isn't telling the truth! C'mon. But OP will be sinking to his level if she continues to play this game. She needs to just cut all ties.

[Anonymous]

Newsflash: HE'S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND

He's a guy you've seen in person once in 2 months. You live 4 hours apart. You text and email him a lot. This is not how adults have relationships. I can't believe you're 27. This sounds like a 17 year old--"But I thought this was the one!"

Drop this now. Move on.

[Anonymous]

He is not your boyfriend. He is a liar and a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so you are mad that he is lying to you but now you are lying to him? Is that right?

Why didn't you just ask him honestly? I think YOU have created and dug your own hole and now you have a relationship of lies on your end. He could be telling the truth. You sound controlling for just dating two months.

Move on OP.

I agree OP should move on. I also value honesty. The whole idea of expecting an honest answer from someone who's exhibited a pattern of deceptive behavior, though? That's a bit silly.

OP, you don't know which part of what he's saying to anyone is true. It's understandable that you're upset. Clearly, you've been dating a troubled man. I'm going to make the tired DCUM recommendation to go into therapy to find out what made you such an easy target for this man's lies and manipulations. You don't want to become someone else's target, and figuring out the parts of who you are that make you vulnerable to manipulations is the way to make sure you avoid this happening a 2nd or 3rd or 4th, etc. time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: HE'S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND

He's a guy you've seen in person once in 2 months. You live 4 hours apart. You text and email him a lot. This is not how adults have relationships. I can't believe you're 27. This sounds like a 17 year old--"But I thought this was the one!"

Drop this now. Move on.

Yeah, this too.

[Anonymous]

PP here. This guy could be a danger to you. You don't know anything about him except he's a liar, and obviously troubled. If your alarm bells arent ringing and telling you to cut off all contact immediately, for your own health and safety, then you should get yourself into therapy. Stat.