Boyfriend was in love with ex when we met

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now. I've been on love with him since we first met but we got off to a rocky start because he was still in love with his ex girlfriend whom he had been with for 4 years during college. We had two false starts where we went on 4 or so dates and then he'd disappear and when I forced him to respond he'd confess he still had feelings for his ex. After the second time, I tried to move on and deleted him from my phone but he'd keep sporadically texting and calling me telling me he missed me and that he screwed up.

After a few months of texting back and forth he finally asked me out and I reluctantly accepted. We've now been dating for almost two years and he's a brand new person. I know he loves me a lot and we've talked about getting married. I love him dearly and don't regret taking him back. I do, however find myself resenting him for out tumultuous start. I kind of feel robbed of the initial loves truck phase of meeting someone new where all you think about it is them and you can't get enough of each other. When my bf and I first met, I was enamored with him and he was missing and pining for his ex girlfriend. Instead of noticing me and falling in love with me. He dumped me twice to get back with her.
I know he is a wonderful boyfriend now and that he loves me now more than he has lived anyone else, it hurts that when we met, he was in love with someone else.

Am I being over dramatic? Is this a big deal? Has anyone else experienced something like this?

[Anonymous]

You could be the rebound. Or not. Only time will tell.

[Anonymous]

ugh, i'm sorry OP. That situation sucks and even though you are happy now, I don't blame you for feeling resentful. I wish I had some advice on how you can get past it but I don't. I just know you have to find a way to get past it.

[Anonymous]

You are being overly dramatic, but it's going to bug you the rest of your life. Dump him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are being overly dramatic, but it's going to bug you the rest of your life. Dump him.

+1. No matter what he says or does, it will never be enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are being overly dramatic, but it's going to bug you the rest of your life. Dump him.

Agree with this. I can't tell if the problem is that you need to grow up a little or if there is something there that isn't right and you're sensing it. Either way, you should probably move on.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure the percentage is high for people in relationships where at least ONE of the couple was in love with someone else before they met their current partner. If you truly love him, get over the fact that there was someone before you. You sound young

[Anonymous]

You're living in the past and unhappy that it didn't match your fantasy. I agree you sound young and lots of people have such fantasies and disappointments when they're young. I sure did. But trust me when I say that if you're looking for a lifetime relationship, there are going to be times when reality doesn't match the fantasy.

You need to get over it or move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure the percentage is high for people in relationships where at least ONE of the couple was in love with someone else before they met their current partner. If you truly love him, get over the fact that there was someone before you. You sound young

There wasn't just someone before her, there was someone during her. Twice. Early stages or not, that's a lot to swallow.

[Anonymous]

My DH went on one date (well, it wasn't a date but a hook-up at some concert) with someone else after we met but before we were exclusive and it still pisses me off. I had a boyfriend when we met and evidently this doesn't bother DH. Isn't that totally rational of me? So I guess everyone has a different tolerance for this stuff and it isn't always logical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure the percentage is high for people in relationships where at least ONE of the couple was in love with someone else before they met their current partner. If you truly love him, get over the fact that there was someone before you. You sound young

There wasn't just someone before her, there was someone during her. Twice. Early stages or not, that's a lot to swallow.

Disagree. A more mature person would put this in perspective and move on, especially two years into a great relationship. We all have a past. Big deal, get over it and live in the present.

Not a slam against OP, but she does sound young and has a lot of growing up to do. Agree, OP. He's not the one for you. You're not ready for him yet.

[Anonymous]

I was like your boyfriend , still in love with my ex. The timing sucked and i healed from that while dating. But it all did work out in the end. If he's otherwise the one for you, try to put it behind you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I had a similar but different thing happen in my relationship. Similar in the hurt you feel, but different scenario. I tried to get past it, but my feelings kept surfacing every so often. I had to give up the ideal scenario/fantasy of what was ruined. We can't change the past and my DH is sorry for the hurt it caused me. Fast forward to now, married 4 years, great life with DH, expecting our first baby and more in love now than ever. Don't throw away a relationship unless you won't regret walking away. We are all human and life isn't perfect. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had a similar but different thing happen in my relationship. Similar in the hurt you feel, but different scenario. I tried to get past it, but my feelings kept surfacing every so often. I had to give up the ideal scenario/fantasy of what was ruined. We can't change the past and my DH is sorry for the hurt it caused me. Fast forward to now, married 4 years, great life with DH, expecting our first baby and more in love now than ever. Don't throw away a relationship unless you won't regret walking away. We are all human and life isn't perfect. Good luck!

This. I don't think you are immature OP, but it's worth remembering that nothing is really picture perfect.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he needed some closure in his last relationship before he could move forward with a new one. I don't think that means he didn't care about you, it just means that his heart wasn't in a place to fall in love again. He was still hurting and needed a little time to grieve the loss of someone he loved. That's actually very romantic if you think about it and says a lot about his ability to give his heart to someone.

Obviously, he was indeed able to move on and he is now with you. He loves you and is talking about marriage - not with her. With YOU!