Am I a bad person for even thinking about this?

[Anonymous]

My daughter's best friend's parents are separated after 20 years together. I have gotten to know the dad, I have never seen him be anything except a loving father and attentive partner. Meanwhile his ex-partner is mean, angry and bitter towards him. She is a good friend to me and has been since we met.

Dad and I have spent time alone together incidentally, not on purpose, and I really enjoy his company. I am single. I know the girls would never be friends again, and mom would hate me, but sometimes I just think about what it would be like to be with him. I wish I had someone as kind as him.

[Anonymous]

Are you male or female?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you give it a little more time? I tend to not date guys who are separated in case the divorce doesn't take. I feel like married couples should have the chance to work things out if that's meant to be.

that said, the danger in that is that sometimes other women will snap up a newly separated guy as soon as he comes on the market. i've seen that a few times.

I don't think you're a bad person if you didn't do anything to cause the separation.

[Anonymous]

I would wonder why is STBX is angry and bitter toward him if I were you.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it is because I am male, but I'm not even sure what the problem is. Are you not supposes to date him because he is the father of your daughter's friend? It sounds like you really like him, for the right reasons; he is sweet and nice, as opposed to being rich, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it is because I am male, but I'm not even sure what the problem is. Are you not supposes to date him because he is the father of your daughter's friend? It sounds like you really like him, for the right reasons; he is sweet and nice, as opposed to being rich, etc.

Unless she doesn't care, if she starts a relationship with this guy the rest of the world (maybe including the kids) will assume she had a role in the break-up of the marriage.

I'm a man, BTW, but I agree with a PP that I'd take it real slow. Let him get his divorce and feet back on the ground. You can continue to cultivate a great, intimate friendship in the meantime. In the end, it's win-win for you if you're patient!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you give it a little more time? I tend to not date guys who are separated in case the divorce doesn't take. I feel like married couples should have the chance to work things out if that's meant to be.

that said, the danger in that is that sometimes other women will snap up a newly separated guy as soon as he comes on the market. i've seen that a few times.

I don't think you're a bad person if you didn't do anything to cause the separation.

OP here - I'm not going to do anything immediately, or maybe ever. I am just noting how I feel being around him.

The girls have a special connection and I care a lot for their family. I wouldn't want that to go away. I don't know why Mom is bitter, the most she has told me is they are both set in their ways and can't come together to work it out. No betrayal or cheating or anything like that.

I would rather see them together, but if not, he is definitely the kind of man I would want in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you give it a little more time? I tend to not date guys who are separated in case the divorce doesn't take. I feel like married couples should have the chance to work things out if that's meant to be.

that said, the danger in that is that sometimes other women will snap up a newly separated guy as soon as he comes on the market. i've seen that a few times.

I don't think you're a bad person if you didn't do anything to cause the separation.

OP here - I'm not going to do anything immediately, or maybe ever. I am just noting how I feel being around him.

The girls have a special connection and I care a lot for their family. I wouldn't want that to go away. I don't know why Mom is bitter, the most she has told me is they are both set in their ways and can't come together to work it out. No betrayal or cheating or anything like that.

I would rather see them together, but if not, he is definitely the kind of man I would want in my life.

14:06 here. FWIW - you sound like a very nice, caring, and compassionate person. Just wanted to slip that in before the vultures arrive. I sincerely hope that in whatever way, it works out best for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you give it a little more time? I tend to not date guys who are separated in case the divorce doesn't take. I feel like married couples should have the chance to work things out if that's meant to be.

that said, the danger in that is that sometimes other women will snap up a newly separated guy as soon as he comes on the market. i've seen that a few times.

I don't think you're a bad person if you didn't do anything to cause the separation.

OP here - I'm not going to do anything immediately, or maybe ever. I am just noting how I feel being around him.

The girls have a special connection and I care a lot for their family. I wouldn't want that to go away. I don't know why Mom is bitter, the most she has told me is they are both set in their ways and can't come together to work it out. No betrayal or cheating or anything like that.

I would rather see them together, but if not, he is definitely the kind of man I would want in my life.

14:06 here. FWIW - you sound like a very nice, caring, and compassionate person. Just wanted to slip that in before the vultures arrive. I sincerely hope that in whatever way, it works out best for you.

+1 from 14:00, too

[Anonymous]

No one is ever a bad person for even thinking about something.

(But that doesn't mean it's a good idea to pursue, or even dwell on, this).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you give it a little more time? I tend to not date guys who are separated in case the divorce doesn't take. I feel like married couples should have the chance to work things out if that's meant to be.

that said, the danger in that is that sometimes other women will snap up a newly separated guy as soon as he comes on the market. i've seen that a few times.

I don't think you're a bad person if you didn't do anything to cause the separation.

OP here - I'm not going to do anything immediately, or maybe ever. I am just noting how I feel being around him.

The girls have a special connection and I care a lot for their family. I wouldn't want that to go away. I don't know why Mom is bitter, the most she has told me is they are both set in their ways and can't come together to work it out. No betrayal or cheating or anything like that.

I would rather see them together, but if not, he is definitely the kind of man I would want in my life.

14:06 here. FWIW - you sound like a very nice, caring, and compassionate person. Just wanted to slip that in before the vultures arrive. I sincerely hope that in whatever way, it works out best for you.

+1 from 14:00, too

Thanks, I just want all of us to be happy. Maybe the answer to all this is to find someone like him, but not him.

[Anonymous]

No you are not a bad person, but considering the circumstances I would proceed w/caution.

I wouldn't want to do anything that would negatively affect my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would wonder why is STBX is angry and bitter toward him if I were you.

+1

[Anonymous]

I have a hard time believing he's lovely and she's a monster. Think about why that is.

[Anonymous]

I think you may be romanticizing dad a little bit, perhaps because you're lonely. He has less than endearing traits (we all do) but it doesn't sound like you are seeing that right now if it's all, he's wonderful, she's miserable and bitter. Is she a miserable and bitter person generally? If so, why are you friends with her? If not, then perhaps consider what it was about the marriage to cause her to feel that way toward him (and what does it say about him that she's seemingly so unaffected by all of it)? None of this is to say that he's not a really wonderful guy, just that I suspect you're not seeing the full picture right now.

For that reason alone, I wouldn't do anything. You risk ruining your friendship with the wife and your daughter's friendship with their daughter for something so uncertain.