How do you find out how someone died?

[Anonymous]

Through an alumni magazine, I came across an obituary of a former friend of mine (we'd lost touch almost 20 years ago; she blew me off when I got engaged--I know--weird). She died last year. Anyways I never have forgotten her and was hopeful that one day we'd reconnect, although I didn't pursue it because of the prior blow-off. Just thought one day our paths would cross.

Well, too late for that; lesson learned. But I just want to know, what happened to her; I'm upset; her obituary says she left young kids. Obviously don't want to bother her widower. But other than googling her name (and just getting her obit), is there a way to find out? Some other search?''

[Anonymous]

You can try and obtain a copy of her death certificate.

[Anonymous]

I'd be courious to, under the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Any mutual friends who may have stayed in touch with her? Find her FB page and see if any clue on there? On a spouses page? Siblng's page? Check her friend list for people you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can try and obtain a copy of her death certificate.

That's so creepy.

[Anonymous]

Were comments deleted? Weird.

You can google the obituary but it may not be in it. Agree with a PP that it doesn't really matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can try and obtain a copy of her death certificate.

That's so creepy.

It's creepy, but OP asked how she could find out - that's one way. Although it may not give details, like if the friend died in an accident, it would give the cause of death from a medical standpoint, without the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

OP here. 7:48, all I can say is, wait until it happens to you. The untimely death; they are your peer and you liked them. You want to know; there is a closure element.

I had a very good friend from high school pass away a few years ago. No one knows what happened; no one, none of our mutual friends seemed to be able to find out. At that time he would have been about 42. I still wonder about my friend, what happened to him?

But you don't want to cross a line, become too intrusive, don't want to actually call the family. So you wonder. And now I've got two that I'm going to be wondering about.

You will see, PP. It doesn't feel good.

[Anonymous]

See if you can find a longer obituary on Legacy.com. That might have your answer. If not, then the family most likely doesn't want you to know the cause of death.

[Anonymous]

Overly intrusive. It was likely natural causes otherwise the details could be googled. How would you like your own serious medical info to be a curiosity to someone you no longer wanted to associate with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 7:48, all I can say is, wait until it happens to you. The untimely death; they are your peer and you liked them. You want to know; there is a closure element.

I had a very good friend from high school pass away a few years ago. No one knows what happened; no one, none of our mutual friends seemed to be able to find out. At that time he would have been about 42. I still wonder about my friend, what happened to him?

But you don't want to cross a line, become too intrusive, don't want to actually call the family. So you wonder. And now I've got two that I'm going to be wondering about.

You will see, PP. It doesn't feel good.

I've had an acquaintance pass and didn't know why. I assumed suicide.

You weren't close enough to even go to this woman's funeral. You also weren't a good enough friend to have talked to her in 20 years. Mind your own business and if it bothers you so much maybe you should change how you handle your friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 7:48, all I can say is, wait until it happens to you. The untimely death; they are your peer and you liked them. You want to know; there is a closure element.

I had a very good friend from high school pass away a few years ago. No one knows what happened; no one, none of our mutual friends seemed to be able to find out. At that time he would have been about 42. I still wonder about my friend, what happened to him?

But you don't want to cross a line, become too intrusive, don't want to actually call the family. So you wonder. And now I've got two that I'm going to be wondering about.

You will see, PP. It doesn't feel good.

I've had an acquaintance pass and didn't know why. I assumed suicide.

You weren't close enough to even go to this woman's funeral. You also weren't a good enough friend to have talked to her in 20 years. Mind your own business and if it bothers you so much maybe you should change how you handle your friendships.

How unnecessarily mean. The OP has explained the circumstances of the distance between her and her friend. I think the situation is one that many people, myself included, can relate to. And the OP has stated that she realizes she waited too long to reach out. Don't kick someone when they're down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You weren't close enough to even go to this woman's funeral. You also weren't a good enough friend to have talked to her in 20 years.

+1

I understand you were close at one time, but if she cut off contact 20 years ago and the cause of death wasn't included in the obit, then you just leave it alone. You want to know the information, but you don't NEED to know the information.

An old HS friend passed away and we'd lost touch after going off to college. The obit suggested donations to a particular medical cause and many assumed that was the cause of death. I found out years later that it was a drug overdose. I'd been out of touch long enough that it was completely inappropriate to ask for more information.

Don't go prying, if the information was meant to be made public, it would have been.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can relate. I found out a high school friend died at 40 over FB. One day I realized I hadn't seen any posts from him in a few months, went to his page, and discovered he had passed away from the messages people left on his FB page (somehow I'd missed these in my Newsfeed).

It turned out to be an aneurysm. I was really haunted by his passing. We weren't still super close, but we were great friends growing up and in college and he was a wonderful person who I was fond of. He also left behind a young son and a partner. Anyway, sorry about the situation and I hope you get closure soon.

You might consider reaching out to the widower. Not to pry, but just to express your belated sympathies. My mother died two years ago and I occasionally hear from friends who only found out recently that she passed. It's reassuring and comforting to know that she meant something to so many people, even if they weren't at the funeral, etc.

[Anonymous]

Op letus know the cause when you find out. I always assume with a disease like cancer for instance there is a footprint. People praying or wishing the person well up until death so it's not sudden.