Difference - funeral, viewing and wake
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Anonymous
| A colleague recently lost his wife. I feel terribly sad for him and want to be supportive. Just received word of the funeral arrangements. There is a viewing, wake and funeral. Should I go to all three? I've only ever gone to a the funeral or memorial before and am not sure about the etiquette for this. Is the wake for family only? Or the viewing? They are taking place in different locations in the city and on different days, and the viewing would be more convenient than the others to go to. What is the difference between a viewing and a wake anyway? I didn't know the wife well though we had met before, and am not a close friend. |
Anonymous
| A viewing is when you go to the funeral home to see the deceased in the coffin. Not sure if the family will be there… The wake is usually at the family's home, following the funeral. The funeral is when most people gather and people come up to deliver eulogies for the deceased. |
Anonymous
Wrong, wrong, wrong. |
Anonymous
Actually it's exactly correct in my experience except that the family does usually attend the viewing. If you have a different answer, why not share and actually be helpful instead of a pointless three-word post that doesn't answer OP's question at all? |
Anonymous
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For my family the viewing and the wake mean the same thing. The night before the funeral you go to the funeral home and look at the body and pray. Instructions are given for the mass and funeral the next morning - like a 10 o'clock mass and then everyone caravans to the graveyard. After mass at which some family members may be invited to do a reading or two everyone goes to the gravesite and a priest says a prayer. In our family someone says a eulogy at the gravesite. If applicable taps are played and the wife is given a flag by a military reservist.
After everyone goes to a Maggianos or other restaurant with a lot of seating and everyone eats and the mood is lifted. People laugh. Kids take off their ties and run around and everyone basks in the realization that they like their remaining family. Kids go to all. See the body. No big deal. Been to literally twenty or more in the last few years. |
Anonymous
"Not sure if the family will be there". I cannot imagine the family not being there. |
Anonymous
PP with long post above. I agree. The point of the viewing is to hold a receiving line and everyone lines up to shake hands and hug the family of the deceased. Who queue up next to open coffin and smile and thank people for coming. |
Anonymous
A wake, or viewing, is held at the funeral home typically the night before the funeral. If it's a catholic funeral, the time for eulogies will likely be at a reception after the service because most priests don't permit them during the mass. |
Anonymous
| Another word for what takes place the night before the funeral is a "visitation."When I was growing up, that was the word I heard Protestant Christians use. |
Anonymous
I delivered my grandmother's eulogy and it was indeed during the Mass. |
Anonymous
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There are probably regional and religious differences at play here. In my NY Irish Catholic world, the terms for viewing and wake are interchangeable - they are held one to two days before the funeral, at the funeral home, with either an open or closed casket. At some point the priest shows up and says some prayers with those present. The next morning is a funeral mass, followed by the burial, and then a luncheon after that, typically at a restaurant. The wake or viewing is the time to greet the family and offer sympathies to them - the day of the funeral is usually to hectic to do so.
It's respectful to go to the funeral mass, and typically those somewhat close to the deceased go to the graveside, and family and close friends go to the lunch. I'm sure things are different in other parts of the country though. |
Anonymous
I did my Dad's at the church, but it was right after the actuàl mass. I think the priest did the closing prayer after I spoke. |
Anonymous
Imagine it. I had a nervous breakdown after my husband's death and was unable to attend the wake, funeral, and reception. |
Anonymous
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OP here. In this case there is a viewing AND a wake. The viewing is the night before the funeral at the funeral home and the wake is immediately before the funeral at the church.
Can anyone help me unravel which or all I should attend? I've never seen an open casket before and would prefer not to. |
Anonymous
| Go to the wake and funeral. Skip the viewing. |