One in private and one in public?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone sent one child to private school and another to public? We chose not to send our older child to public for very specific reasons. DC1 is thriving at the private school.

Our second child is a much different personality and does not have the same issues that were the basis of our decision not to send DC1 to public. We are thinking about launching a school search for K and thought about including public. We decided to sit out the pre-K applications this year because we thought DC#2 could use another year at the preschool.

DH is adamantly opposed to sending one to private and one to public. He thinks that sends a message about intelligence, or value, or something.

DC#2 is at one of the so-called "feeder preschools." Our local elementary is one of DC's best. DC1's school has a strong sibling policy. We can afford to send both although obviously it would be much better for our retirement account if we did not.

Would you include public in your search? Do you agree that sending one to private and one to public is a bad idea?

[Anonymous]

One of mine is in private, and one is in public.
The one in public is in G&T, and I could not get that in private.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your husband, completely. I think its sends a message that DC#2 isn't worth it and, even though that is not the reason, it could clearly affect DC#2's self worth. I can see why you would consider it, but your children will also end up with very different social lives and friends and schedules. That might be difficult and uncomfortable for the whole family.

[Anonymous]

I too agree with your husband. This isn't a matter of DC1 attending an elite private university and DC2 applying and not being accepted. This is about not giving DC2 the same opportunities out of the block.

I think you risk setting DC2 up for a lot of pain and resentment later in life if you don't offer him(her) the same opportunity that you're offering DC1. If, further down the line, DC2 does not WANT private school and makes his(her) own case against attending private school that's a whole other matter. But, at this young age - even though you have very good reasons - the risk is VERY high that your DC will misinterpret such a decision as being less valued.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the input so far. I obviously would not want to do anything that would make DC#2 feel less valued. I am curious how people who have some kids in public and some in private have managed that (maybe they didn't start the kids in private?). I have seen more than a couple of posts where people said they have some kids in each.

[Anonymous]

We have one in private and one in public. So do quite a few of our friends for various reasons. I'd check out the schools as you mentioned and include the public in your search. If you are in a solid neighborhood school with great families and a supportive community - you may be very surprised at how well it compares to your private Public school kids love their schools too and can be very proud of them, so unless your public is really substandard, there is a good chance that your child will thrive. In our case, DC 2 wants nothing to do with DC 1s school (DC 2 is the one in public - loves it). We will probably transition DC 2 for middle school as well, but I must say our family has found the combination of public and private quite positive -I must say, there are certain qualities in each that I wish the other had.

[Anonymous]

OP, your kids a re different with differing needs. Treat it on a case by case basis.

[Anonymous]

1 in public; 1 in private. Very different kids, different needs and personalities. No problems with one feeling less valued. They each love their school for different reasons. Both are great schools -- very different, but great for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Private school does not inherently tell a child they are more valuable. Parents have to TELL children school that private school is better or "more valuable" than public. However, if you don't state this, or infer this to your two children then I think you are fine. As you stated, you chose private school for very specific reasons for your older child, none of which had to do with money or cost. Now if public school meets the needs of your second child, and you use the exact same metrics for evaluating the school--does it fit, will my child thrive, etc, then it seems entirely appropriate that you send your second child there. I certainly don't equate money spent on something as valuing one child more than another, as long as you are assuring that each child has equal opportunity to thrive.

[Anonymous]

Our 14 y.o. son is in private school, having attended the same public elementary school our 8 y.o. daughter currently attends. In our case it works out fine since both kids started out at the same school and we have a pretty big age gap between them. The only drawback is that the school calendars don't coincide. This is mostly a pain, though it does allow for 1-on-1 bonding time with each kid. For us, the big question is what we'll do when DD finishes elementary. She probably won't go to the same school her brother attends now -- it's a good fit for him, but probably not for her. Right now, we lean toward sending her to another private school, because we like the small class sizes. Still, it's possible that she'll stay in public school through middle and maybe even high school. I do wonder a little whether she'd feel that we cheated her of the opportunity, but tend to think that won't be an issue. At that age you can come to a joint decision with your child about what the best option would be for her. It's tougher when your kids are younger. I'd also note that we like the fact that, having gone to the same elementary school, our kids have shared some of the same teachers and school traditions. As far as having different friends, that's not been such an issue for us because of the age and gender differences.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with many of the posters above. Different kids have different needs and kids realize that pretty easily. It doesn't mean that parents love them any differently.

My oldest brother attended private schools all the way (and later regretted not switching to our public school for high school). My other brother, sister, and I all attended public schools and never had ANY jealousy towards our oldest brother. My mom explained to brother #2 (2 1/2 years apart) that Brother #1 had needs that couldn't be met in our public school (he was a very bright kid but needed small classes).

Sister and I never even asked the question (we were 6 and 8 years younger than #1).

[Anonymous]

We have both kids in private now but are conisdering sending DC2 to public for high school (DC1 is in a private HS already). But it is actually because he is smarter and could do very well in a public HS with honors and AP classes. DC1 needed a smaller school. So I wouldn't assume that sending a child to public school is a negative.

[Anonymous]

Older child is in public, younger in private - two very different kids with different learning needs/talents. We picked the best schools for them (or what we think will be the best fit). Agree with previous poster - our older child LOVES his public school and has a fantastic group of friends and a supportive community. Yes, different schedules/commutes, etc are challenging but worth it since we feel each child is at a school that fits them. We have had to answer the question already as to why does DC2 go to private to each of our children and to many friends - but we feel we can explain our reasons.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 in private and 1 in public. My oldest started out in private but the school was not a good fit for him. We applied for 2 other private schools where he got accepted under the condition that he repeat the grade that he just completed. (He skipped 1st grade at his 1st school) He was so advanced so I did not want him to repeat. I put him in my local great blue ribbon school where he went on ahead in the next grade and has been doing great with all A's in is advanced and GT classes. I am now looking into private middle for him next year. By this point I don't think they look at age as a factor.