my husband's mother hit my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would immediately fire a nanny who behaved like this. That should tell you all you need to know about using MiL as a caregiver in the future.

The solution is for OP to spend more time caring for her own child instead of relying on her MIL.

Or hire competent caregivers. MIL clearly isn’t up to it.

Or OP. The kid has behavioral issues.

Even OP is scared of her kid. Puts the shoes near him but not on him. Wonder why.

Because OP is smart enough to know her kid will put them on himself when he sees mom is really leaving. This is the kind of approach often recommended to parents to avoid daily battles with children to get ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would immediately fire a nanny who behaved like this. That should tell you all you need to know about using MiL as a caregiver in the future.

The solution is for OP to spend more time caring for her own child instead of relying on her MIL.

Or hire competent caregivers. MIL clearly isn’t up to it.

Or OP. The kid has behavioral issues.

Even OP is scared of her kid. Puts the shoes near him but not on him. Wonder why.

Because OP is smart enough to know her kid will put them on himself when he sees mom is really leaving. This is the kind of approach often recommended to parents to avoid daily battles with children to get ready.

Hilarious. You have never met a strong willed kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would immediately fire a nanny who behaved like this. That should tell you all you need to know about using MiL as a caregiver in the future.

The solution is for OP to spend more time caring for her own child instead of relying on her MIL.

Or hire competent caregivers. MIL clearly isn’t up to it.

Or OP. The kid has behavioral issues.

Even OP is scared of her kid. Puts the shoes near him but not on him. Wonder why.

Because OP is smart enough to know her kid will put them on himself when he sees mom is really leaving. This is the kind of approach often recommended to parents to avoid daily battles with children to get ready.

Hilarious. You have never met a strong willed kid.

That does work with some strong willed children because it puts the decision more in their hands. Different tricks work with different kids IME. I have three extremely strong willed children. It would probably depend on how much the kid really didn’t want to go, how much they cared about potentially being left, how much they hate the shoes, etc. for some kids, the trigger is just being told to put the shoes on, not actually the shoes or the leaving. I definitely had one kid that if I said “let’s go” he would say “no” but if it just said “I’m leaving” and walked out the door, he would generally follow. That also works with the dog when he doesn’t want to go on a walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- For more context, I had just gotten out of the shower so I was getting dressed. My 4 year old was bent out of shape because he wanted to wear flip flops and we were going somewhere that required sneakers. I definitely did not like the way he was behaving but I don't think that deems him to be a nasty brat? I wouldn't have engaged in the power struggle with him. I would have put the shoes in front of him and headed towards the door. That type of approach typically works with him. My MIL (aka my husband's mother) was trying to forcibly put the shoes on for him and he kept yanking his feet away. I really do get it - that is maddening. But I would have never expected her to hit him! I was honestly stunned. I did appreciate her apology and transparency. I could tell she was embarrassed. But still...I can't imagine hitting someone else's child.

I feel like by hitting him, she muddied the waters because when I went to talk to him about what happened, I was more focused on "its never ok for anyone to hit you" rather than "your behavior was not ok".

MIL was helping the child get ready, At destination needed sneakers and wanted to wear sandals. MIL was totally out of line - kid puts on the sandals and you bring the sneakers and socks. This is like the kid wants to weat a T shirt but yy know it will get cool or isnt enough. You bri ng the jacket.

I would not have MIL babysit or help unsupervised.

Sounds like kid has needs far beyond MIL or most caregivers capabilities. Probably for the best. Just wait until the kid starts lashing out at school kicking at his teachers. OP can't just keep sticking her head in the sand.

Most competent caregivers can get an uncooperative four year old (like there’s any other kind…) into footwear without resorting to violence. Underpaid preschool teachers all over the country do better than this MIL because they’d be instantly fired if they behaved the way she did.

Most 4 year olds don't kick their grandmothers. That's the problem We're not dealing with your average child.

Neither did this child? Are you capable of reading or are you just an angry MIL who wants to carte blanche to hit children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would immediately fire a nanny who behaved like this. That should tell you all you need to know about using MiL as a caregiver in the future.

The solution is for OP to spend more time caring for her own child instead of relying on her MIL.

Or hire competent caregivers. MIL clearly isn’t up to it.

Or OP. The kid has behavioral issues.

Even OP is scared of her kid. Puts the shoes near him but not on him. Wonder why.

Because OP is smart enough to know her kid will put them on himself when he sees mom is really leaving. This is the kind of approach often recommended to parents to avoid daily battles with children to get ready.

Hilarious. You have never met a strong willed kid.

Well if often works for OPs kid, apparently he isn't considered a "strong willed kid" then. Stop trying to pin behavioural issues on a normal 4 year old event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would immediately fire a nanny who behaved like this. That should tell you all you need to know about using MiL as a caregiver in the future.

The solution is for OP to spend more time caring for her own child instead of relying on her MIL.

Or hire competent caregivers. MIL clearly isn’t up to it.

Or OP. The kid has behavioral issues.

Even OP is scared of her kid. Puts the shoes near him but not on him. Wonder why.

Because OP is smart enough to know her kid will put them on himself when he sees mom is really leaving. This is the kind of approach often recommended to parents to avoid daily battles with children to get ready.

Hilarious. You have never met a strong willed kid.

That does work with some strong willed children because it puts the decision more in their hands. Different tricks work with different kids IME. I have three extremely strong willed children. It would probably depend on how much the kid really didn’t want to go, how much they cared about potentially being left, how much they hate the shoes, etc. for some kids, the trigger is just being told to put the shoes on, not actually the shoes or the leaving. I definitely had one kid that if I said “let’s go” he would say “no” but if it just said “I’m leaving” and walked out the door, he would generally follow. That also works with the dog when he doesn’t want to go on a walk.

It works for my strong willed child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would immediately fire a nanny who behaved like this. That should tell you all you need to know about using MiL as a caregiver in the future.

The solution is for OP to spend more time caring for her own child instead of relying on her MIL.

Or hire competent caregivers. MIL clearly isn’t up to it.

Or OP. The kid has behavioral issues.

Even OP is scared of her kid. Puts the shoes near him but not on him. Wonder why.

Because OP is smart enough to know her kid will put them on himself when he sees mom is really leaving. This is the kind of approach often recommended to parents to avoid daily battles with children to get ready.

Hilarious. You have never met a strong willed kid.

That does work with some strong willed children because it puts the decision more in their hands. Different tricks work with different kids IME. I have three extremely strong willed children. It would probably depend on how much the kid really didn’t want to go, how much they cared about potentially being left, how much they hate the shoes, etc. for some kids, the trigger is just being told to put the shoes on, not actually the shoes or the leaving. I definitely had one kid that if I said “let’s go” he would say “no” but if it just said “I’m leaving” and walked out the door, he would generally follow. That also works with the dog when he doesn’t want to go on a walk.

It works for my strong willed child.

Then they aren't that strong willed. Mine would have a tantrum about it for 15 minutes then maybe put the shoes on but would take them off and throw them around in the car while still crying about it. I have 3 kids, but one is truly "strong willed" and goes to great lengths to avoid doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would immediately fire a nanny who behaved like this. That should tell you all you need to know about using MiL as a caregiver in the future.

The solution is for OP to spend more time caring for her own child instead of relying on her MIL.

Or hire competent caregivers. MIL clearly isn’t up to it.

Or OP. The kid has behavioral issues.

Even OP is scared of her kid. Puts the shoes near him but not on him. Wonder why.

Because OP is smart enough to know her kid will put them on himself when he sees mom is really leaving. This is the kind of approach often recommended to parents to avoid daily battles with children to get ready.

Hilarious. You have never met a strong willed kid.

Well if often works for OPs kid, apparently he isn't considered a "strong willed kid" then. Stop trying to pin behavioural issues on a normal 4 year old event.

Right so it's hilarious that people think their simple parenting strategies are effective for a strong willed kid. Stop saying your kid is strong willed when they comply easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would immediately fire a nanny who behaved like this. That should tell you all you need to know about using MiL as a caregiver in the future.

The solution is for OP to spend more time caring for her own child instead of relying on her MIL.

Or hire competent caregivers. MIL clearly isn’t up to it.

Or OP. The kid has behavioral issues.

Even OP is scared of her kid. Puts the shoes near him but not on him. Wonder why.

Because OP is smart enough to know her kid will put them on himself when he sees mom is really leaving. This is the kind of approach often recommended to parents to avoid daily battles with children to get ready.

Hilarious. You have never met a strong willed kid.

That does work with some strong willed children because it puts the decision more in their hands. Different tricks work with different kids IME. I have three extremely strong willed children. It would probably depend on how much the kid really didn’t want to go, how much they cared about potentially being left, how much they hate the shoes, etc. for some kids, the trigger is just being told to put the shoes on, not actually the shoes or the leaving. I definitely had one kid that if I said “let’s go” he would say “no” but if it just said “I’m leaving” and walked out the door, he would generally follow. That also works with the dog when he doesn’t want to go on a walk.

It works for my strong willed child.

Then they aren't that strong willed. Mine would have a tantrum about it for 15 minutes then maybe put the shoes on but would take them off and throw them around in the car while still crying about it. I have 3 kids, but one is truly "strong willed" and goes to great lengths to avoid doing the right thing.

Yup. Also have three and the strong-willed one ultimately cares about winning. He does not and never has recognized our parental authority over him - from the time he was a toddler it was apparent he considers himself to be equally entitled to power, control, decision making, etc. He regularly threw tantrums that could last for HOURS. He would have called a “leaving without him” bluff and been incredibly happy to do so.

And before the usual suggestions that he has some mental disorder, no, he does not. He is just incredibly strong-willed. He’s a teenager now and I think that his nature has many upsides (for example I cannot imagine him ever being influenced by peer “pressure” because his sense of self is SO strong) but he was a GD handful when he was young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would immediately fire a nanny who behaved like this. That should tell you all you need to know about using MiL as a caregiver in the future.

The solution is for OP to spend more time caring for her own child instead of relying on her MIL.

Or hire competent caregivers. MIL clearly isn’t up to it.

Or OP. The kid has behavioral issues.

Even OP is scared of her kid. Puts the shoes near him but not on him. Wonder why.

Because OP is smart enough to know her kid will put them on himself when he sees mom is really leaving. This is the kind of approach often recommended to parents to avoid daily battles with children to get ready.

Hilarious. You have never met a strong willed kid.

That does work with some strong willed children because it puts the decision more in their hands. Different tricks work with different kids IME. I have three extremely strong willed children. It would probably depend on how much the kid really didn’t want to go, how much they cared about potentially being left, how much they hate the shoes, etc. for some kids, the trigger is just being told to put the shoes on, not actually the shoes or the leaving. I definitely had one kid that if I said “let’s go” he would say “no” but if it just said “I’m leaving” and walked out the door, he would generally follow. That also works with the dog when he doesn’t want to go on a walk.

It works for my strong willed child.

Then they aren't that strong willed. Mine would have a tantrum about it for 15 minutes then maybe put the shoes on but would take them off and throw them around in the car while still crying about it. I have 3 kids, but one is truly "strong willed" and goes to great lengths to avoid doing the right thing.

The point it that OP's strategy does NOT mean she is scared of her 4 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would immediately fire a nanny who behaved like this. That should tell you all you need to know about using MiL as a caregiver in the future.

The solution is for OP to spend more time caring for her own child instead of relying on her MIL.

Or hire competent caregivers. MIL clearly isn’t up to it.

Or OP. The kid has behavioral issues.

Even OP is scared of her kid. Puts the shoes near him but not on him. Wonder why.

Because OP is smart enough to know her kid will put them on himself when he sees mom is really leaving. This is the kind of approach often recommended to parents to avoid daily battles with children to get ready.

Hilarious. You have never met a strong willed kid.

That does work with some strong willed children because it puts the decision more in their hands. Different tricks work with different kids IME. I have three extremely strong willed children. It would probably depend on how much the kid really didn’t want to go, how much they cared about potentially being left, how much they hate the shoes, etc. for some kids, the trigger is just being told to put the shoes on, not actually the shoes or the leaving. I definitely had one kid that if I said “let’s go” he would say “no” but if it just said “I’m leaving” and walked out the door, he would generally follow. That also works with the dog when he doesn’t want to go on a walk.

It works for my strong willed child.

Then they aren't that strong willed. Mine would have a tantrum about it for 15 minutes then maybe put the shoes on but would take them off and throw them around in the car while still crying about it. I have 3 kids, but one is truly "strong willed" and goes to great lengths to avoid doing the right thing.

The point it that OP's strategy does NOT mean she is scared of her 4 year old.

Then she didn't set the kid or grandma up for success in this situation. How did they even get into a battle of wills while OP was still "in the shower" and the other 2 were walking out the door arguing about shoes?

[Anonymous]

So pretending to abandon a kid by leaving without them is healthier than a hit on the thigh? Yall are messed up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not hard. My son was refusing to do something and giving her a hard time. She essentially spanked him on his leg. He didn't even cry- just yelled out "Ow! Don't hit me, Grammy!". I ran in from the other room and she admitted it right away. She said that she was really frustrated and apologized to both my son and me. I am SO angry but my husband is shrugging it off. He thinks I am being dramatic. I don't want her to babysit anymore. WWYD?

So you do gentle parenting? This is the result. Your DC is a brat and no one, but you, can deal with him.

I'm curious what OP does when their kid doesn't listen and gives OP a hard time. Like, let's say your kid refuses to put their shoes on to go to school. What would OP do?

What was the kid refusing to do exactly?

You would physically abuse a child for not putting on their shoes? That teaches them that that is ok and that they too can hit people for not doing what they want. Not a good lesson at all!

My sister and I were hit as kids not hard but like this. She has major issues because of being hit so says her therapist and she has so many issues and she’s in her 30s.

[Anonymous]

OP I wouldn’t let your mil watch the child alone. Tell her why and don’t let her alone with him or if you do set up cameras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I wouldn’t let your mil watch the child alone. Tell her why and don’t let her alone with him or if you do set up cameras.

Cameras are a good idea. That way, it will also catch when the child[b] is kicking, slapping, biting, or otherwise being aggressive towards others, including his grandmother.