Foreign Service spouses
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Anonymous
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I'm a relatively young (36) spouse of a State Department FSO and have been really frustrated, lately, at having to "start over" yet again in a new post. The career part is really what is killing me.
There are tons of things I love about being a trailing spouse, but I am starting to wonder/feel depressed about some of the things that are not to love. It seems like there are a lot of FSO-like people on here. Frankly, the current thread about the woman who isn't sure she can continue in difficult locales has me thinking more than ever I'm not sure I want to wind up like that... which is to say, I don't want to be sorry in 20 more years that I haven't had the opportunity to really develop my own career (not that that is her schtick, but it's mine). I'm also sick of getting kids, etc., set up at every post and then taking the leftovers for myself. So far I've been lucky to find real, meaningful work at each post but I don't know how long I can continue that lucky streak. Spouses/FSOs/others who have 'been there, done that,' what are your reflections? Do you know anyone personally who has had a successful career NOT as a tandem couple? |
Anonymous
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Whoops= OP again= I guess my main question is,
Do you know any trailing spouses who have managed to have successful careers in their own right and not fallen into the 1950s housewife pattern? It's not my ambition to be a stay-at-home mom (seriously, I don't judge it- but it's not what I want for myself). |
Anonymous
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The experience of living a career in various countries is invaluable. If you have kids, they can grow up speaking other languages.
There's EFM jobs at every post I've been to. You can jump from one to another, taking months off now and then when you don't want to work. By "not as a tandem couple" do you mean not working for the government at all? That's possible, easier at some places than others. The advantage of working at the embassy is that your holidays are the same and your boss will understand that you want to take R&R with your husband even if that requires going on LWOP status. If you truly want to work outside the government, get something you can telework at (or find that rare post where jobs on the economy are available and you have the relevant language skills.) Speaking as the employee, there are advantages to having a spouse work in the embassy - it's neat to find out what is going on in other sections, I've gained a few insights and taken a few trips I wouldn't have had my wife not been working where she does. Finally, don't forget the home front. Buy a house or two back in DC and collect rent while you're away. Some people finish this career with 5 or 6 or more houses, their biggest problem is deciding which one to live in! |
Anonymous
| It is tough picking up your family every few years but you are part of a privileged few. I have been a military spouse for the past 12 years (Officer/Pilot/Advanced Degree etc) and am shocked at the benefits my FS friends receive. You are very lucky. Stop complaining. |
Anonymous
| What are those great benefits? |
Anonymous
| If you have development experience, you can try to get in with USAID, they usually hire personal service contractors in different fields. If you land the right AID job, your job might be more rewarding than your spouse's. |
Anonymous
Shocked really? Military officers get far better benefits. Stop comparing yourself to others and be thankful for what you have. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| No answer here but I totally relate. I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about it. It's really tough to keep a trailing spouse's career going with all the moving. I've been a SAHM since we moved overseas. Worked out well so I can be at home with the children while they are small, but I know it's going to be tough getting back to where I was career-wise. It's not an easy life. |
Anonymous
| I'm part of a tandem and I also ask myself this question. I have no answers for you, but sympathy. |
Anonymous
There are both benefits and drawbacks. The benefits are both of the tangible, monetary sort and the intangible sort (which depend on what you are seeking) "Intangible" benefits 1. Work/live in exotic countries few Americans have been to ... think Nepal, Malawi, or Papua New Guinea 2. Kids can often grow up speaking two or three languages, if you want them to it isn't hard to arrange. 3. Interact with VIPs - Senators, Congressmen, Ministers of foreign countries, etc. 4. International schools more often than not are of excellent caliber. "Intangible" drawbacks 1. Sooner or later you will do a 2-year unaccompanied tour, working 12 hours a day 6 days a week in a hellhole, living in a trailer shared with others. 2. Dealing with congressional staffers and VIPs. Sometimes they are a-holes. And unless you've reached the highest of ranks, your interaction is likely to be carrying their bags or going to an airport at 5:00 to make sure the ground staff are ready, or coordinating with the motor pool. 3. Uncertainty. It is difficult to get your next assignment - almost like applying for a new job every 2-3 years. You need to gather references, schmooze contacts, and be prepared to accept your 3rd or 4th choice after months of wrangling. Chances are that the location you finally get will end in "stan" or begin with the word "Port". In other words, very unlikely and difficult to get a plum assignment like London or Paris. 4. You're working with highly intelligent, ambitious coworkers. A few of them will let you know just how intelligent and ambitious they are. The, tangible, hard cash benefits: 1. Hardship pay, up to 35% for the hardest places like Sudan or Afghanistan 2. Danger pay. If you're somewhere that others have been blown up or are literally in the line of fire, up to another 35%. Only 4 or 5 countries (out of 200) qualify for this. 3. Service Needs Differential. Agree to stay 3 or 4 years in a 3rd world location few others want to serve at, and you get an extra around $12,000 a year. 4. R&R Travel. Depending on where you are (only in the 3rd world) you will get either one, two or three paid roundtrip tickets back to the USA (or anywhere else that's nicer than where you are) paid for by Uncle Sam. You still need to pay for your hotel and meals and all other expenses. But just the cost of plane tickets for a large family can be many thousands of dollars. 5. Free housing when overseas. Sometimes it's nice, sometimes not. Some people are strategic about this, buying a house back in the USA between in between each overseas tour and letting the tenants essentially pay the mortgage. Others just complain about the house their assigned to. 6. Home leave. A mandatory, 20-day time off you get in the USA between each overseas tour, apart from vacation time. Great if you have family to visit, expensive if you don't because the hotel and meals and all are on you. As you see, most of the benefits - and likely most of your career - will be in the 3rd world and/or warzones. If you find this fascinating and intriguing, it can be a great career. If you're expecting a career in glamorous places like Paris, Rome or London then look elsewhere. |
Anonymous
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One thing I neglected to mention above. The Foreign Service is an up-or-out career system, similar to the military. In other words, you've got to get yourself promoted within a certain timespan, as well as complete certain requirements (like fluency in another language) or else you are kicked out of the Service. Similar to the military career system, as I understand.
Lots of people do "time out" each year. Often, they've had a long career anyway. Sometimes, it's a really good thing they have to leave. Occasionally, it seems rather capricious or heavy handed. Foreign Service work is NOT/NOT part of the Civil Service system and Civil Service rules do NOT/NOT apply. |
Anonymous
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Unless you're going to be happy as a SAHM or doing non-career-track embassy jobs like CLO, management assistant, etc, recommend you grow yourself into a tandem couple - either USG-USG or (better or more flexible) USG-NGO. My husband followed me overseas, started volunteering in a technical capacity at an NGO, and transitioned into development consulting. Now he has the USG job and I'm back in the NGO world.
Alternately - teaching? |
Anonymous
| This might sound crazy, but a number of people I know have been really successful at parlaying hobbies/plan B careers (yoga, catering, teaching XYZ to kids or adults, etc etc etc) into viable professions overseas. Expat communities are kind of a captive audience, and people are often pretty desperate for anything different, particularly activities like classes. |
Anonymous
The non-career track jobs that you mention are not bad at all. They have the same government benefits and accrue vacation time like other work. You can take some time to get settled in somewhere, then start work, and can always leave or switch jobs if you don't like it. My wife has done this on several tours. Downside is, some posts HR offices are a lot less organized than others. It is no fun waiting 6 months while they deal with your employment application. |