Is This Verbal/Mental/Emotional, etc. Abuse In Your Opinion Everyone?

[Anonymous]

I really need your help on this guys.

I have been with my boyfriend for about 4-5 months now. We are both in our early thirties and he has his own place and so do I. He has a good job and supports himself well as do I. He has a small child he sees every month or so for about 2-3 days. While he drinks socially and smokes cigarettes, he doesn't use any illicit drugs.

Anyway, there are certain aspects of our relationship that have emerged that have been quite out of the ordinary and seem to be getting stranger.
For starters, for the past six weeks, we have been getting into arguments every day. I feel like I am walking on eggshells every minute since any little thing will set him off. Whether I talk to long to the male grocery store clerk or whether I take too long in the restroom, he always accuses me of doing something illicit. If I talk to the grocery store clerk "too long," he accuses me of flirting w/him. If I am in the bathroom a little too long for his liking, then he assumes I must be doing drugs in there. His accusations are really way off base and come from left field. I have NEVER EVER given him any reason to think I would do any of these things. Most recently, he as started accusing me of worse things, again with no reason whatsoever. When I do not answer my phone during the day whether I am napping, showering, or working, he accuses me of sleeping with another man. If I am in my closet looking for an outfit to wear, then he marches right in and asks me if I am snorting something up my nose. Ditto when I go to the kitchen to get a drink. And get this. I have a 10 yr old son from a previous marriage who I share 50/50 custody with and I have him the next two weeks. Well we were playing cards last night and after he went to bed, my bf asked me if I had ever entertained thoughts of him molesting him. I was floored and almost (!) smacked him. (Instead, I threw the whole deck of cards across the floor.) Then before bed, he accused me of flirting with my son at dinner, that when I talked to him, I did it while continuously licking the mashed potatoes off of my spoon, etc. Again, random accusations with absolutely no merit behind them.

I have heard that when someone accuses you of doing something over and over, the reason they are doing so is because they themselves are guilty as charged. In other words, if they are doing something illicit on the down low, then they assume you must be too.
So I am not only wondering if he could be using drugs and cheating on me which would be HUGE deal-breakers for me, but since he has a four and a half year old daughter that he sees unsupervised monthly, I just wonder if he could be abusing her. <----- Honestly, that is my hugest concern now. The other stuff is just relationship stuff and I can send him on is merry way..no problem. But could the accusations of me abusing my son be a sign that he is abusing his daughter??! If so, should I bring it up to someone? I.e., Social Worker, CPS, etc.?? Would this be a red flag that he could be a potential abuser?

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a psychopath. I would get rid of him ASAP.

[Anonymous]

I hope that the act of writing this all down has opened your eyes, OP.

Run as fast as you can, get your child and yourself away from him now.

[Anonymous]

Dump him; he is a loser. No one should treat you the way he has. Especially this early in a relationship. He is jealousy and trying to control you and break you down. It will only get worse as time goes on and he thinks he owns you. Leave now.

[Anonymous]

RUN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope that the act of writing this all down has opened your eyes, OP.

Run as fast as you can, get your child and yourself away from him now.

Really. Take a big step back and read what you've written. Hopefully you'll see what the rest of us see: someone who should GET OUT NOW or trolling.

[Anonymous]

You need to get away from him now.

[Anonymous]

It's a slippery slope, this is how it starts. Things like this do not get better. Writing it out like this can really make you see the reality -- it's hard to understand it in your head because guys like this are slowly molding you to their liking using these tactics. I would break up with him -- don't live a life like this, show your child what a healthy relationship is.

You should have broken up with him way before it got to the molestation part, but like I said, these things are hard to see while in the midst of it. Please try some therapy before you start dating again to understand why you took so long to see this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a slippery slope, this is how it starts. Things like this do not get better. Writing it out like this can really make you see the reality -- it's hard to understand it in your head because guys like this are slowly molding you to their liking using these tactics. I would break up with him -- don't live a life like this, show your child what a healthy relationship is.

You should have broken up with him way before it got to the molestation part, but like I said, these things are hard to see while in the midst of it. Please try some therapy before you start dating again to understand why you took so long to see this.

As far as the molestation thing -- have you met the child? Do you see signs? Him just saying it doesn't automatically make him guilty.

If you call CPS or get involved, be prepared to have an involvement further into this unstable man's life. Chances are the exwife knows. And thank god his visits are limited with his child.

[Anonymous]

The fucked up thing is that you probably find this guy sexier and more interesting than a straight arrow guy who didn't cause you any drama.

[Anonymous]

Do not have your son with you in the house. He could molest your son.....

Get out TODAY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fucked up thing is that you probably find this guy sexier and more interesting than a straight arrow guy who didn't cause you any drama.

Honestly...No I do not.

I would love to meet a straight arrow guy.

If I could.

[Anonymous]

He isn't necessarily doing the things he accuses you of doing but it is a tactic to see how much he can get away at disrespecting you and you putting up with. He has absolutely no respect for you because he is increasingly upping the ante in accusing you of doing things that are wrong. It is mental abuse to further break you down and further whittle away your low self esteem (which seems apparent because you have already let him disrespect you with his accusations, something that most others would immediately have not put up with and had seen as abusive and manipulative, rather than continuing the relationship). It will only get worse and it would not be surprising if this relationship turns from mentally and emotionally abusive as it is now but to also include physically abusive as well. LEAVE NOW.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a nut, and you are wise to end things immediately, but I worry it may not be that easy. Be sure to have a plan so he can't come back to hurt you after you dump him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fucked up thing is that you probably find this guy sexier and more interesting than a straight arrow guy who didn't cause you any drama.

Honestly...No I do not.

I would love to meet a straight arrow guy.

If I could.

Why can't you? I don't mean to be snarky by asking this. I used to have horrible boyfriends. They were mean,disrespectful, hurtful, etc. I realized I had terrible self esteem and once i got help and worked through my issues, i started dating guys i deserved. So first, dump him. Second, be single and take time for you. Everyone deserves a normal guy.