Overweight kids - how to help my child understand that fine line between bullying and the truth

[Anonymous]

I want my DS to understand that there are serious health risks to being overweight and that it is not "normal" to have a BMI above his healthy range. I want him to understand that there is really nothing beautiful about being an unhealthy weight and that he (like myself and DH) needs to be active to keep weight under control (not skinny, by any means - I wish - but within a healthy range).

But I fear that if he knows that being overweight or obese is not good, he will recognize that kids he goes to school with are unhealthy and say something that is considered bullying by the new, overly-zealous bullying standards. In light of the obesity epidemic and the number of very young children I see now who are overweight, if not obese, I think it is likely that he will have to navigate issues that we simply didn't when we were in school and kids were much healthier.

Does anyone have any advice for how to strike the balance to make sure my child understands that although it is very serious and unhealthy for children (and really anyone) to be overweight or obese, he needs to be very careful of what he says (even if it's the sad truth) or else he may find himself in trouble?

[Anonymous]

Well good luck because it is clear that your not so subtle attitude will trickle down to him.

It is never appropriate to comment on someone else's appearance or weight in a negative manner. Ever. This shouldn't be a hard thing to teach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want my DS to understand that there are serious health risks to being overweight and that it is not "normal" to have a BMI above his healthy range. I want him to understand that there is really nothing beautiful about being an unhealthy weight and that he (like myself and DH) needs to be active to keep weight under control (not skinny, by any means - I wish - but within a healthy range).

But I fear that if he knows that being overweight or obese is not good, he will recognize that kids he goes to school with are unhealthy and say something that is considered bullying by the new, overly-zealous bullying standards. In light of the obesity epidemic and the number of very young children I see now who are overweight, if not obese, I think it is likely that he will have to navigate issues that we simply didn't when we were in school and kids were much healthier.

Does anyone have any advice for how to strike the balance to make sure my child understands that although it is very serious and unhealthy for children (and really anyone) to be overweight or obese, he needs to be very careful of what he says (even if it's the sad truth) or else he may find himself in trouble?

I understand the rest, but this part is weird. Also, how could kids these days be immune to the message that fat= stupid, ugly, lazy that is pervasive in our culture? How old is your child?

I'd also urge you to read the latest studies on weight and health if you are not that knowledgeable about this yourself-- for instance, the ones that show it is healthier to be overweight and exercise than thin and out of shape, etc. I think you are risking focusing on weight over general health. Why not trust that if you teach your child about healthy eating and exercise, and follow through, his weight will be a healthy weight for him? There are so many ways to talk about being healthy without focusing on weight, I wonder why you would want to impose this worry about physical appearance on a little kid.

[Anonymous]

I'm looking forward to checking in on this thread. Should be fun.

Good luck, OP. I don't think it's going to go well for you!

[Anonymous]

Wow. You sound toxic.

How about encourage him to eat healthy food and stay active so that his body is healthy and strong. Leave everyone else out of it. He shouldn't comment on other people's appearance at all.

[Anonymous]

If your child doesn't have a weight issue, why are you talking to him about weight at all? It seems like you are borrowing trouble by focusing on a non-problem for him instead of keeping your conversation with him on the importance of being healthy and active.

[Anonymous]

I don't think there's a fine line at all. It's one thing to focus on healthy behaviors and the consequences of unhealthy behaviors (obesity and subsequent health problems). It's another thing to go out of your way to be nasty to other people, especially children, who as children cannot really control their own weights unless they have the right adult support to do so.

You also seem to be extremely focused on obesity. The problem isn't obesity. The problem is unhealthy habits and the health problems that often originate from obesity. It sounds like you're teaching your kid "fat is bad" instead of "broccoli is good."

There is no excuse to be nasty to other children about this.

[Anonymous]

Is it really that hard to tell your child that we don't comment on other's physical appearances? Maybe what you could do it teach empathy and compassion instead of intolerance and superiority, but I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

I look around our neighborhoods and schools, and there simply is not an obesity epidemic in our part of fairfax county.

Yes, it is a problem in some areas of the country, mostly lower socioeconomic.

It is just not likely that your child will encounter any obese kids in his fcps, and only a few overweight kids.

You are making an issue of a non issue, why? Meanness? Holier than thou complex? Unhealthy focus on how important it is to be skinny?

Looking around all the kids I see at my kids' schools, running around the neighborhood, at after school activities, in stores, restaurants, church, etc, and how very few of them are even close to being overweight, I can't for the life of me figure out how this dillema actually crossed your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Good luck, OP. I don't think it's going to go well for you!

Indeed not. And justifiably so, in my opinion, starting with

1. the OP's conflation of fat = unhealthy = ugly = lazy.
2. the OP's idea (as far as I can tell) that there didn't used to be fat kids who were treated badly by other kids for being fat. (I grew up in the Pleistocene Era, and yes, there were.)
3. the OP's idea (as far as I can tell) that it would be ok for her son to tell a fat kid that the kid is fat and unhealthy, if it weren't for the "new, overly-zealous bullying standards" that might get him in trouble for telling "the sad truth".

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have issues with your own body. Why in the world is the focus on weight? Teach the kid healthy habits and stop putting ideas in his head about what people should look like. I can't believe you would be okay with your kid saying something rude to another kid as long as it's the truth and he doesn't get in trouble.

[Anonymous]

My advice would be to start a therapy fund for your DS. If this is how you handle other issues in his life he is going to need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you have issues with your own body. Why in the world is the focus on weight? Teach the kid healthy habits and stop putting ideas in his head about what people should look like. I can't believe you would be okay with your kid saying something rude to another kid as long as it's the truth and he doesn't get in trouble.

+1. Can he comment on bad skin? Bad teeth? You have issues, OP, and your son will too unless you nip this in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want my DS to understand that there are serious health risks to being overweight and that it is not "normal" to have a BMI above his healthy range. I want him to understand that there is really nothing beautiful about being an unhealthy weight and that he (like myself and DH) needs to be active to keep weight under control (not skinny, by any means - I wish - but within a healthy range).

But I fear that if he knows that being overweight or obese is not good, he will recognize that kids he goes to school with are unhealthy and say something that is considered bullying by the new, overly-zealous bullying standards. In light of the obesity epidemic and the number of very young children I see now who are overweight, if not obese, I think it is likely that he will have to navigate issues that we simply didn't when we were in school and kids were much healthier.

Does anyone have any advice for how to strike the balance to make sure my child understands that although it is very serious and unhealthy for children (and really anyone) to be overweight or obese, he needs to be very careful of what he says (even if it's the sad truth) or else he may find himself in trouble?

OMG! First you have to totally change your own horrible attitude!

[Anonymous]

Oh dear. Really, OP?