Am I being a "martyr"?

[Anonymous]

My teenage (17) DD said that to me today. I have 6 kids, my 17 yr old is the eldest and she is awesome about helping to raise the littles. Today I had a doctors appointment for the 19 month old, DD (17) is on summer vacation already so she has been helping with the younger ones while I work (until my vacation starts on June 14th). Anyway, she got the four kids dressed and fed this morning and loaded them into the car to go to the doctor's appt, I drove us to the office. While there, she said once, "why did we have to come? I could have stayed at home with the kids?". She was being pissy because she had to entertain the 4 (that were not being seen by the Dr) in the waiting room for 2 hours.

When we came out, the kids were all rambunctious and I was saying how I was extremely stressed out. DD, then said something along the lines of, "Mom, stop being a martyr, you wouldn't be so stressed if you didn't insist on taking 5 extra people to an appointment". I told her that she was being unsupportive and rude to me. We haven't spoken since this morning, she is at home with the kids. If it matters, DD often cares for the kids by doing things like baths, bed, dinner, morning routine etc. and she drives them to activities and school.

I guess I just don't understand how I was being a "martyr" when I was genuinely stressed out? Is DD just being a brat?

[Anonymous]

Why did you make them all come to the appointment? Thats absurd.

Your DD is right.

[Anonymous]

It's pretty clear you take your 17 yo for granted anyway.

[Anonymous]

Why DID they all have to go? She's right.

[Anonymous]

Wow. There's a brat in this story but it isn't your angel of a DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you make them all come to the appointment? Thats absurd.

Your DD is right.

+1

[Anonymous]

Your DD isn't being a brat, why the hell did you force your other kids to wait in the Drs office, DD could have easily handled them at home. She's right you made more work for yourself & her and then bitched about it.

[Anonymous]

I hope this is a fake post. You're no martyr, and I hope you are paying your dd a pretty hefty allowance for being a nanny to 5 kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm really hoping this is a troll. Has anyone reported it to see?

[Anonymous]

At 17- the last thing id want to be is a nanny for my 5 siblings. Fuck- poor girl.

[Anonymous]

I kind of agree with your daughter. She sounds the absolute opposite of unsupportive--she got all the kids dressed and ready on her summer vacation and then entertained the small ones in a small office for 2 hours and would have happily babysat at home?

Please apologize to her. You don't know how good you have it and if you don't appreciate her (even when she tells you things you may not want to hear) you won't always have that support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope this is a fake post. You're no martyr, and I hope you are paying your dd a pretty hefty allowance for being a nanny to 5 kids.

I agree, at her age I had a great summer job nannying for a family with a pool that paid 20$ a day (two kids)

[Anonymous]

I agree with your DD. I have 4 children (oldest is a 17 y/o DD) and no way am I bringing them all to an appt if they aren't all going to be seen.

*Also, I hope your daughter is only caring for her siblings on a temporary basis, and not giving up her summers to help. And if she is, I hope you're paying her.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if you are a martyr, but your daughter is a saint. She may have been a bit rude about it, but just about anyone would be snippy after hanging out in a waiting room for 2(!) hours with 4(!) kids, especially since they aren't her own and the trip did appear to be needless for them. There have been many times when someone has said something to me in an unnecessarily rude way, but beneath the rudeness was the truth.

[Anonymous]

You put a lot of responsibilities on your 17 yo, and you don't seem to express your appreciation of her very often. I hope you realize that.

And can you explain why you made everyone come to the doctor? You could had just said to her, "You're right, I should have let you guys stay home. That would have made much more sense. I was just so stressed about Jayden's fever that it didn't occur to me." That would have defused the situation immediately. Instead, you chose to escalate.

Are you giving her the silent treatment? (You said "we haven't spoken this morning.") You know, you're the parent and she's the child, if someone needs to step up and apologize, it's you.

Seems to me