Should I Give This Guy a Chance? Many Red Flags...
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Okay, so I have been single a L-O-N-G time..10 yrs to be exact.
My children are grown up and I only have one left at home, due to move out this summer however. I recently met a new guy who seems very nice. He has a great personality. Usually I can spot a phony a mile away, but I get good vibes from this guy. He has integrity, humor and our personalities just mesh and our beliefs and interests are mutual so far. The problem? He looks horrible on paper. Number One: He is currently homeless. He told me he recently got kicked out of the house by his father so now he sleeps at work when he can. Number Two: He had a beat up car, but the engine burned out a few days ago, so he now is car less. (We live in CA where cars are king!) Number Three: He works odd jobs and only makes about $30/day right now. He currently sweeps floors and cleans up a strip mall after hours. Number Four: He has served time in prison 2x. In other words, he is a convicted felon. Number Five: He has a 6 yr. old son who he lost custody of, not sure why. His father is in the process of adopting him. Number Six: He smokes pot, but tells me he is against all other drugs, even pharmaceutical drugs and alcohol. He feels that weed is more medicinal and doesn't do as much harm as other controlled substances, liquor and prescription meds, etc. In spite of all this, he really comes off to me as a compassionate, open and honest guy. I mean, to his credit, he didn't lie about all of this like most guys would. He told me straight up from the get go his past and he says he wants to straighten up his life. He is 31. My family/friends/co-workers advise me to stay away from him. They say he has made too many mistakes in the past to be a decent man now. I disagree. Doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? |
Anonymous
| (yawn) |
Anonymous
C'mon please...Show a little respect. This is MY life after all. 
|
Anonymous
| You should make babies with him to trap him into a forever relationship. |
Anonymous
| OP, could you at least TRY to be a little less troll-y? |
Anonymous
I am not making this up. Believe me, I am not that creative. I know reading this that it doesn't look too good, but really this guy is a nice person. The way he talks to me and the gentle manner he has around me. We talk for hrs on the phone and have so much in common. |
Anonymous
| Mrs. Robinson, step away. |
Anonymous
|
What do you have in common, you are a convicted felon too OP?
Seriously though, what you are feeling isn't unique to this guy. You last kid is moving out this summer, now you want to adopt a new one. Sounds like you want a man who is a project. That will not bring you happiness. You will have a lot in common with many more people. Move on. |
Anonymous
No I am not a convicted felon. I have never even gotten a traffic ticket. LOL. But thank you for your advice and input. Best response thus far. Can you elaborate on "What you are feeling is not unique to this guy?" please? Thx. |
Anonymous
| Where is he when he is talking for hours on the phone? If he's cleaning in a strip mall for only $30/day, he can't have an office. If this is real, do not waste any more time. He's not ready to be in his daughter's life yet, why would you want him in yours? |
Anonymous
| What about yourself is making him seem like a good option? Why is your self esteem that bad? How can you improve it? Whatever you do, do not intertwine your life with his. |
Anonymous
|
Son's life.
His buddy is a security guard and he calls me from his work office. He has a cell phone, but only has 90min per month on it so he cannot talk to me on it. |
Anonymous
|
PP Here.
What I mean is this is the beginning. Just like any other relationship. You talk for hours on the phone feel giddy, etc. Doesn't me this guy is the one or even remotely compatible. That's just how it is in the beginning. My advice would be since the kids are about to be completely gone, sign up for some dating sites, if not online the ones that organize socials. Get into some hobbies, maybe through MeetUp.com or something like that. You will meet more people and form a better understanding of what you are looking for and what you are/aren't willing to compromise on. This guy has had a lot of shit going on, but most of them are longevity ridden. A second chance would be if he had 1, 2 or even 3 of the things on that list. He has all=disaster. Not worth it. He may be a good guy, but obviously something is desperately wrong with him, maturity, common sense, who knows. This shouldn't be your first relationship back in the game. |
Anonymous
| OP, whether this is a real post, or a fake post, you probably need some therapy either way so that should be your first order of business here. |
Anonymous
It's just that most guys I have met, usually have an agenda in the beginning. They want to get me in bed and if they do not, then they give up and move on. This guy hasn't even made any references to sex at all. Also, Many guys have lied to me from the beginning. They have tried to cover stuff up to make them look better in my eyes. This guy has a lot of baggage, yet he feels comfortable being honest w/me about his prison past, etc. Doesn't this count for something? |