How would you prefer to find out that your 15 year old is smoking pot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was walking up to the front door of a party and I saw my DD's 13 year old friend giving a blow job in the bushes. The kids saw me and quickly got dressed and ran the other direction. I told her parents and they freaked out on me and don't speak to me now. I did not tell one person except my husband other than them. My kids are far from saints and I was not being judgemental. I thought they would want to know. I guess I don't really really regret because I found out what assholes they were but anyway, just mentioning for what it is worth.

You did the right thing. I would want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was walking up to the front door of a party and I saw my DD's 13 year old friend giving a blow job in the bushes. The kids saw me and quickly got dressed and ran the other direction. I told her parents and they freaked out on me and don't speak to me now. I did not tell one person except my husband other than them. My kids are far from saints and I was not being judgemental. I thought they would want to know. I guess I don't really really regret because I found out what assholes they were but anyway, just mentioning for what it is worth.

I think I would not be speaking to you either if you said what you wrote.

[Anonymous]

Do not do either. Your relationship will be damaged if you tell the other parent. An anonymous note just sounds silly.
A lot depends on how you found out, but probably best to just stay out and let the other parent figure it out on their own.
However, if I found out opioids were being used, I would feel compelled to alert the parent to take a closer look at their child. If it was hard proof, like I witnessed something first hand then I would give that to parent, but NEVER if that was from my child.

[Anonymous]

I'd prefer to find it out at their Ph.D. hood ceremony, years later, with the reassurance that it was a short-lived thing.

Otherwise, an email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I would prefer an email so I can work through my response on my own without feeling like I need to have the correct reaction to another parent. An email that just said "I thought you should know that Johnny and Suzy have been smoking pot behind the bleachers after school. I will be talking to Johnny about it, I just wanted you to be informed so you can do whatever you think is appropriate" would be ok, I think.

Problem is that my kid wasn’t doing it. The other kid took it upon herself to tell a group of kids who don’t use drugs at all. They gave her a look then decided that she was going too far. They all told their parents.

This exact thing happened when I was growing up. My mom told the other mom (one of her best friends) and their relationship was never the same. And as for me, it took years for the kids in that family to be my friends again. DO NOT DO IT, LET THE PARENTS FIGURE IT OUT!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ALL of your 15 year olds either smoke pot now or will soon enough. No reason to narc anybody out.

Why do some people think that everyone likes pot? It's like saying everyone eats shrimp.

[Anonymous]

Here is another way to do it without being the narc, just ask the other mom innocently if she think dear Johnny could be smoking pot. Maybe she already knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is another way to do it without being the narc, just ask the other mom innocently if she think dear Johnny could be smoking pot. Maybe she already knows.

Lots of ways you can drop some hints to the parents without actually saying something. Here are some example that I thought were good:

DS was having some unusual behavior and I was venting to a friend whose son was a peripheral friend of DS's, my friend said something like I don't know anything but you might want to be on the look out for drugs.
One of DS's best friend's parents told me her son had been grounded for a month. She didn't want to tell me what it was, but just said it was bad and was having trouble trusting which kids were "good" kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friend’s mom caught us smoking pot at that age. She told me “Tell your parents about this, or I will”. So I did. I think my mom appreciated that approach.

This. We live in California and pot is legal - but not for 15 yr olds. Same as if someone caught her drinking.

[Anonymous]

I'm not saying a word to my neighbor about her kid. Our kids are the same age and I've heard all the stories but it's not worth it to me to violate my own kid's trust. Plus the parents seem like they are in denial about some obvious signs that their kid is using, so they may not take the message well.

If your kid's entire demeanor and behaviors have changed drastically, and the good friends have faded away to be replaced by new sketchy ones, maybe you should get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ALL of your 15 year olds either smoke pot now or will soon enough. No reason to narc anybody out.

Why do some people think that everyone likes pot? It's like saying everyone eats shrimp.

Agreed. I never touched pot and neither did many of my friends. And plenty more who tried a few times throughout school and college but never took up the habit. And I grew up in the 1980s-1990s when pot was very prevalent.

If a high school kid is regularly smoking pot then yes, the parents need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ALL of your 15 year olds either smoke pot now or will soon enough. No reason to narc anybody out.

Why do some people think that everyone likes pot? It's like saying everyone eats shrimp.

Agreed. I never touched pot and neither did many of my friends. And plenty more who tried a few times throughout school and college but never took up the habit. And I grew up in the 1980s-1990s when pot was very prevalent.

If a high school kid is regularly smoking pot then yes, the parents need to know.

Yes, the parents should know but it you should not violate your child's trust in you. Just not worth it.

Pot smoking is way more prevalent than it was in the 80-90s and it starts at a much younger age. Kids that you would never guess are doing it. It is more popular than drinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ALL of your 15 year olds either smoke pot now or will soon enough. No reason to narc anybody out.

Why do some people think that everyone likes pot? It's like saying everyone eats shrimp.

Agreed. I never touched pot and neither did many of my friends. And plenty more who tried a few times throughout school and college but never took up the habit. And I grew up in the 1980s-1990s when pot was very prevalent.

If a high school kid is regularly smoking pot then yes, the parents need to know.

Yes, the parents should know but it you should not violate your child's trust in you. Just not worth it.

Pot smoking is way more prevalent than it was in the 80-90s and it starts at a much younger age. Kids that you would never guess are doing it. It is more popular than drinking.

+1

[Anonymous]

Maybe forward your friend an article that you "just" read about signs your kid is using drugs and tell her that you found it really interesting since your kids are now that age. Don't say that you know anything!!!!! If you friend's kid is smoking pot, more than likely they will be showing some of those symptoms and your friend can figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ALL of your 15 year olds either smoke pot now or will soon enough. No reason to narc anybody out.

Why do some people think that everyone likes pot? It's like saying everyone eats shrimp.

+1. I hated it as a kid. I did try it 2-3 times, as I was surrounded by pot smokers in the 90s, but yuck. Never touched it by the time I got to college.