when is it ok to criticize/point out things regarding a friend's parenting?

[Anonymous]

I would only criticize parenting if there was 100% signs of sexual or other kinds of abuse - and then I would just call the police and not call the friend.

[Anonymous]

When I first saw the title of the thread, my first thought was "never." But, it depends on a lot of things -- like the kind of relationship you have with your friend and how serious whatever the alleged problem is. Even then, there are better and worse ways to convey information. The things you mention are incredibly trivial, IMO, bc they don't involve your child's physical safety or emotional well-being. So it was inappropriate for him to mention them at all, and especially out of the blue like that. I would have told him where to stick it for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would only criticize parenting if there was 100% signs of sexual or other kinds of abuse - and then I would just call the police and not call the friend.

Agree with this. I am have worked in childcare in different capacities for over twenty years and I think twice about giving a negative parenting opinion even when asked (which I am quite frequently, by friends, by family and by employers). One thing I've learned over the years, if you really want to alienate someone, question their parenting decisions.

[Anonymous]

this is the OP. thanks for the feedback.

if it is at all relevant, and I apologize if it is not, the friend's wife is jewish and the rest of us are not. I don't mean that in an anti-semitic way in the least, but a few others (jew and non-jew) have told me that it might be a cultural thing where you are more inclined to share everything and second guess with really close friends and family. Get more invovled. not sure.

my theory is that there must have been some friction between my wife and his (a babysitter came by and my wife didnt get a chance to talk to the babysitter, even though our kid couldnt yet talk at the time so instruction might be important, since his wife was monopolizing the conversation, and his wife's constant whining about everything, that sort of thing upset my wife a few times). And she is pretty sharp whereas my friend is book-smart but street-clueless, so maybe she knew my wife and I would get offended? I really don't know, and don't care too much at this point other than he was a great guy to play golf with and get a beer with a few times a year, so hopefully one of us will call/email the other sooner or later and smoke the peace pipe.

this event was a few months back and since then she has de-friended me on facebook, so the whole thing is probably moot! at least until his eventual divorce (pray).

[Anonymous]

Oh boy. I am Jewish and trying hard not to misenterperate your last post. Perhaps you would have been better off saying there is a "cultural" difference between her and the rest of you, but whatever. Maybe she is used to saying everything, but it sounds like she doesn't fit in with the rest of you because she is on the controlling side and judgemental, not having ANYTHING to do with being the only Jewish one.

That said, I'm expecting my first and my family is not critical AT ALL so I'm not used to that, but DH's.....that's another story. So maybe it is a culture thing that I just haven't experienced yet, and I could be in for judgy critical city...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is the OP. thanks for the feedback.

if it is at all relevant, and I apologize if it is not, the friend's wife is jewish and the rest of us are not. I don't mean that in an anti-semitic way in the least, but a few others (jew and non-jew) have told me that it might be a cultural thing where you are more inclined to share everything and second guess with really close friends and family. Get more invovled. not sure.

my theory is that there must have been some friction between my wife and his (a babysitter came by and my wife didnt get a chance to talk to the babysitter, even though our kid couldnt yet talk at the time so instruction might be important, since his wife was monopolizing the conversation, and his wife's constant whining about everything, that sort of thing upset my wife a few times). And she is pretty sharp whereas my friend is book-smart but street-clueless, so maybe she knew my wife and I would get offended? I really don't know, and don't care too much at this point other than he was a great guy to play golf with and get a beer with a few times a year, so hopefully one of us will call/email the other sooner or later and smoke the peace pipe.

this event was a few months back and since then she has de-friended me on facebook, so the whole thing is probably moot! at least until his eventual divorce (pray).

Reading that made my head hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is the OP. thanks for the feedback.

if it is at all relevant, and I apologize if it is not, the friend's wife is jewish and the rest of us are not. I don't mean that in an anti-semitic way in the least, but a few others (jew and non-jew) have told me that it might be a cultural thing where you are more inclined to share everything and second guess with really close friends and family. Get more invovled. not sure.

my theory is that there must have been some friction between my wife and his (a babysitter came by and my wife didnt get a chance to talk to the babysitter, even though our kid couldnt yet talk at the time so instruction might be important, since his wife was monopolizing the conversation, and his wife's constant whining about everything, that sort of thing upset my wife a few times). And she is pretty sharp whereas my friend is book-smart but street-clueless, so maybe she knew my wife and I would get offended? I really don't know, and don't care too much at this point other than he was a great guy to play golf with and get a beer with a few times a year, so hopefully one of us will call/email the other sooner or later and smoke the peace pipe.

this event was a few months back and since then she has de-friended me on facebook, so the whole thing is probably moot! at least until his eventual divorce (pray).

This doesn't sound like the original OP. such a radical change in tone and clarity.

[Anonymous]

Okay, you just lost all my sympathy, OP...what the hell did your friend's wife's religion have to do with any of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, you just lost all my sympathy, OP...what the hell did your friend's wife's religion have to do with any of this?

not defending him, but I believe he was saying it might be a cultural pattern among Jews to be more forthcoming with advice, that it is perceived differently, etc.

(I am in NO WAY agreeing that this is indeed a cultural pattern. have no clue. . .)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, you just lost all my sympathy, OP...what the hell did your friend's wife's religion have to do with any of this?

not defending him, but I believe he was saying it might be a cultural pattern among Jews to be more forthcoming with advice, that it is perceived differently, etc.

(I am in NO WAY agreeing that this is indeed a cultural pattern. have no clue. . .)

He totally lost me, too. Here's another take on it: maybe Jews bathe their kids more often and give them healthier food to eat? Nah, they probably whine more and get in your business more, that must be it.....oh brother, you lost me totally, OP.

[Anonymous]

Oh come on bitches. Don't jump him for that. He SAID he didn't mean it that way!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh come on bitches. Don't jump him for that. He SAID he didn't mean it that way!!!!!

I just wish he had told us right off the bat that he was white trash. That would explain a lot of his lazy bathing and poor nutritional habits -- strictly culturally speaking, of course.

[Anonymous]

Than why not just say there may be cultural differences, and not single out her religion? Poor choice on OP's part and revealing of his ignorance, even if he did say "I don't mean this to be anti-semetic." I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't mean to be inflamatory, but it was a bone-head thing to say.

[Anonymous]

This thread was a total set-up. I'm not feeding the troll anymore. I'm not even opening this thread again.