What does "single parent" mean?

[Anonymous]

Has OP posted re why it matters to her? I'm curious if it's because there are tons of people who claim single parent status when they complain about workload or want credit (e.g. "I have to do dinner, bath, and bed for both kids all by myself during the week because my husband travels. I'm basically a single parent.")

I used a sperm donor. I'm not married. (Although I am divorced -- we married and divorced long before I had kids.) I am a single mom. There are LOTS of other ways to be a single mom in my mind but for heaven's sake, your husband traveling is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes she is unless she is remarried and that would make her no longer single. Think of it as a spectrum. No help at all on one end (maybe a single mom by choice) or a lot of help on the other end (50% custody plus CS/alimony) and everything in between. A single parent is one who is no longer partnered with the father of the kid(s).

I disagree. A single parent is one who is raising their child 100% on their own - hence "single" and not co-parent. It isn't a spectrum. While being a divorced co-parent is difficult, you are not raising your child alone.

Is it a competition?

Not a competition but a comparison. We are a pretty whiny generation of parents to begin with and I absolutely can see why a parent raising a child/children with no partner financially or physically gets bugged when a divorced parent receiving child support and shared custody claims they are the same as a the true single parent.

[Anonymous]

You are more than welcome to tell "single parents" that have one income, fight custody and smaller battles with usually abusive coparents that they aren't single parents...also be prepared to get laughed at and never spoken to again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has OP posted re why it matters to her? I'm curious if it's because there are tons of people who claim single parent status when they complain about workload or want credit (e.g. "I have to do dinner, bath, and bed for both kids all by myself during the week because my husband travels. I'm basically a single parent.")

I used a sperm donor. I'm not married. (Although I am divorced -- we married and divorced long before I had kids.) I am a single mom. There are LOTS of other ways to be a single mom in my mind but for heaven's sake, your husband traveling is not one of them.

I would assume it matters to her because being a widow with a young child is far, far harder than a divorced mother with an ex-husband who provides child support and part-time care of the child. You are a single mother, too, PP - just like OP (in my opinion).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does it really matter? I'm a single parent because I have my kid 24/7. I get CS only because my ex doesn't want to end up in prison. If it was left up to him, he wouldn't send a dime. My neighbor is also a single parent. She is divorced and has her kids half of the time and gets some CS. My mom was a single parent when my dad died. He left her life insurance money. We are all on our own in varying degrees which is where the "single" comes in. I have it harder than others because I never get a break nor can I afford babysitters but I'm in the same boat as my neighbor and my mom.

I think your mom counts as a single parent. You and your friend do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the life of me I do not understand why people find this hard to define. If you are single and parenting -- no matter how you got that way be it divorce, never married, widowed -- you are a single parent. This is not rocket science. The answer is in the question and in the term.

This is the answer. All the rest of this ::waves arms around:: about divorced but getting CS and so on is misery Olympics nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow and raising a child on my own. To me that is a single parent. However, divorced women whose ex-husbands are very much alive and involved in parenting also call themselves single parents.

So does single parent mean just one parent in the house at a time?

I agree with you. If you have a father/parent involved that financially supports them and is heavily involved, you are not a single parent. To me, a single parent is you a widow or someone who does not have a father involved at all, including financial support.

Technically I think it means marital status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has OP posted re why it matters to her? I'm curious if it's because there are tons of people who claim single parent status when they complain about workload or want credit (e.g. "I have to do dinner, bath, and bed for both kids all by myself during the week because my husband travels. I'm basically a single parent.")

I used a sperm donor. I'm not married. (Although I am divorced -- we married and divorced long before I had kids.) I am a single mom. There are LOTS of other ways to be a single mom in my mind but for heaven's sake, your husband traveling is not one of them.

I would assume it matters to her because being a widow with a young child is far, far harder than a divorced mother with an ex-husband who provides child support and part-time care of the child. You are a single mother, too, PP - just like OP (in my opinion).

It's not always harder. The entire world is sympathetic to the widow. There are meal trains and sympathy and the dead spouse is typically sainted in the eyes of everyone. The entire world looks down on single moms. Often single moms have to hunt down deadbeat dads or get restraining orders for ex's or they fight you or nickel and dime you and it's never ending. Again, enough with the misery Olympics. Raising a child on your own, no matter how you got there, can be daunting.

[Anonymous]

The only ones I find objectionable are they "I am prafiy a single parent because my husband works a lot". Of course, what makes this particularly hilarious is that it is almost always from a SAHM!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has OP posted re why it matters to her? I'm curious if it's because there are tons of people who claim single parent status when they complain about workload or want credit (e.g. "I have to do dinner, bath, and bed for both kids all by myself during the week because my husband travels. I'm basically a single parent.")

I used a sperm donor. I'm not married. (Although I am divorced -- we married and divorced long before I had kids.) I am a single mom. There are LOTS of other ways to be a single mom in my mind but for heaven's sake, your husband traveling is not one of them.

I would assume it matters to her because being a widow with a young child is far, far harder than a divorced mother with an ex-husband who provides child support and part-time care of the child. You are a single mother, too, PP - just like OP (in my opinion).

It's not always harder. The entire world is sympathetic to the widow. There are meal trains and sympathy and the dead spouse is typically sainted in the eyes of everyone. The entire world looks down on single moms. Often single moms have to hunt down deadbeat dads or get restraining orders for ex's or they fight you or nickel and dime you and it's never ending. Again, enough with the misery Olympics. Raising a child on your own, no matter how you got there, can be daunting.

That is my point! If you are a mother trying to run down a deadbeat dad who gets no co-parenting help from him, you are a single mother. If you are a widow, you are a single mother. If your child's father deserved you, you are a single mother. If you get no help from the child's father of any kind you are a single mother. HOWEVER, if you are a divorced woman whose ex gives you ample financial support and co-parents his children with visitation you are not a single mother so stop calling yourself that and stop whining!!! And never call yourself a single mother because your husband works too much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only ones I find objectionable are they "I am prafiy a single parent because my husband works a lot". Of course, what makes this particularly hilarious is that it is almost always from a SAHM!!!

I don't know. I have been this person. While I never referred to myself as a "single mom" there was one time my husband was out of ttown for three months, and I was explaining to someone that I simply could not make it to one of those weekend long bachelorette parties. "Well, I can do it, and I am a single mother of three and work full time." "Oh, where are your kids that weekend?" "My ex has them."
Look, everyone has their own stuff going on that makes life difficult sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only ones I find objectionable are they "I am prafiy a single parent because my husband works a lot". Of course, what makes this particularly hilarious is that it is almost always from a SAHM!!!

No. The most annoying are the men that have their kids every Wednesday and every other weekend and refer to themselves as a single dad.

[Anonymous]

There is no prize for getting dealt the shittiest hand in life. And suffering and empathy is not like pie- just because someone has some and you have more doesn't make them hurt less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only ones I find objectionable are they "I am prafiy a single parent because my husband works a lot". Of course, what makes this particularly hilarious is that it is almost always from a SAHM!!!

No. The most annoying are the men that have their kids every Wednesday and every other weekend and refer to themselves as a single dad.

No because they are actually single and a dad. That is all that being a single parent means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no prize for getting dealt the shittiest hand in life. And suffering and empathy is not like pie- just because someone has some and you have more doesn't make them hurt less.

This.


Apply to any X vs X blanket statement. We are all humans experiencing.