Help Me Make This Text Less Bitchy

[Anonymous]

It's not actually clear from the draft text whether you reached out and he didn't respond, or if you just expected him to reach out first.

If you want to see him, just call him and say you want to see him. If he hedges or doesn't respond, move along and do other things. It sounds like you think he is not being exclusive anymore? If that's the case, just ask him what he wants, but honestly, do you want to be exclusive? Your text does not sound like someone who is eager to see someone, more like someone who is pissed off and accusatory.

[Anonymous]

Don't even send the text. It makes you look really pathetic and desperate. Just do nothing and forget about him.

[Anonymous]

IMO if you are supposed to be exclusive then you have been dating fairly regularly for some time so if you want to see him before you leave on your trip, text him and say that.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't send a bitchy text. No way.

If you care about this guy, check in with him. "Just checkin' in. Hope everything's going good there. Miss you!" And then see if he responds.

I would not come at him with claws. He may simply have gotten busy with work or the holidays and lost track of time knowing that he would see you when you got back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not actually clear from the draft text whether you reached out and he didn't respond, or if you just expected him to reach out first.

If you want to see him, just call him and say you want to see him. If he hedges or doesn't respond, move along and do other things. It sounds like you think he is not being exclusive anymore? If that's the case, just ask him what he wants, but honestly, do you want to be exclusive? Your text does not sound like someone who is eager to see someone, more like someone who is pissed off and accusatory.

OP - This! we are all giving you advice based on what we "think" happened before now where you want to send the text. You need to tell us: have you reached out (once? twice?) about making plans before you leave for your trip and he's being evasive? Have you not reached out at all but just talked about going on your trip and expected him to make plans for the two of you? Have you hinted at getting together and he didn't pick up on that?

Each of these would require a different type of text from you.

1. if you've already asked about getting together directly (Hey Ed, since I'll be gone next week, you want to try and get together sometime this week? Ed: "sure, let me get back to you with some days" (and he never does). you: Hey Ed, just following up on when you can get together - I now have plans on Monday and Wednesday, but so far the other days work for me. Ed: I'm not sure about my schedule - let me get back to you.)
Then go radio silent (like the other pps said) and if he does text you, you do what the others suggested - Since I didn't hear back, I made plans. Let's try and get together when I get back from my trip.

2. If you've not said anything yet (or been evasive/subtle) - do what some of the other pps suggest and be straightforward. "Hey Ed, since I'll be gone next week, I'd really like to see you before I go. Can you get together on Thursday?"

[Anonymous]

As someone who has sent a similar text in the past with bad results, I would also advise to write nothing. I wish I had saved my dignity.

[Anonymous]

O.k. it wasn't clear to me that you are still in town right now and that you haven't left for your trip, yet. You are feeling unhappy right now because this guy has so far not made any attempt to see you before you leave.

To me that would be a red flag that maybe this guy isn't the guy for you.

We need more details - how often do you usually see him? Is it normal for you to go for days without seeing each other? Do you consider him to be your exclusive boyfriend? Has he been busy with the holidays/out of town visitors? If so, were you spending that time with him or were you with your family and he with his?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who has sent a similar text in the past with bad results, I would also advise to write nothing. I wish I had saved my dignity.

[b]

+1 me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:O.k. it wasn't clear to me that you are still in town right now and that you haven't left for your trip, yet. You are feeling unhappy right now because this guy has so far not made any attempt to see you before you leave.

To me that would be a red flag that maybe this guy isn't the guy for you.

We need more details - how often do you usually see him? Is it normal for you to go for days without seeing each other? Do you consider him to be your exclusive boyfriend? Has he been busy with the holidays/out of town visitors? If so, were you spending that time with him or were you with your family and he with his?

He was out of town. I didn't find out until the last minute he was even going, so that bugged me. He was due back yesterday. We exchanged one text Saturday that said he would talk to me yesterday.

So, here is what I need to ask for, ultimately:

1. Up front info if he is leaving town so I don't spend time thinking I'll see him only to find out when I ask that he actually has other plans to be out of town for several days.
2. Better planning of time with me (I have a custody schedule to work around and he doesn't).
3. Communication when he says he will.
4. To see me before I go out of town.

Obviously, I won't hit him with this all at once. We usually see each other at least a couple of times per week and we have been going away on the weekends I don't have the kids. In fairness to him, I was supposed to have my parents here for Thanksgiving week but my plans upended because of a death in the family. I still find it weird he didn't tell me he was going out of town for six days. I asked him before if he was going home for the holiday and he said no, but I never asked him directly what he was doing. Maybe I need to ask better questions and not assume that, because he wasn't going home, he wasn't going anywhere else. He tends not to stay in touch much when he's traveling, in part because he does a lot of stuff where there is no cell signal (which we also do when we go away together). It's possible I am being touchier than normal because of the death in the family, but I'm a planner, and he needs to accommodate me a little, I think, or we aren't a good match.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I'd go with "Hey! Hope you had a great trip. I missed you! When can you get together this week?"

Sounds to me like you're just mad about him changing or not sharing his plans for the holidays.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been dating?

[Anonymous]

A few months. This is the second time he's been gone (I knew about the first) and my upcoming trip is the second time I've been gone (except for short work trips and the funeral). I just realized how much we both travel! We are taking a three night trip together in about 6 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Send no text, just make other plans/be unavailable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don't text. Unless you want to see him on Thursday day or whichever day works for you then text "do you want to see a movie whatever on Thursday".
Your original text is needy and guilts him into something.

Yep this is the good communicator way to go.

[Anonymous]

he left town for 6 days and didnt' tell you ahead of time that he was leaving town? that's really weird, esp if you have been seeing each other a couple times a week and going away some weekends. sorry, does not bode well for the future.