Can men with SAHWs ever be fair to working moms reporting to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Haven't you noticed how men with SAHW leave the break area? Take the last donut and leave the box (can't throw the box away)? Splash coffee everywhere and not get a papertowel?

They are accustomed to women mothering and cleaning up after them. They assume women are on earth to pick up their messes.

+1000 So true!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok time for a truth bomb. The people you work with DGAF about your personal life. So whether it's mom or dad or grandma or a DCP taking care of your kid, they don't care and don't want to know about it. Have kids, don't have kids, pay for childcare, have a SAHP, who cares. Bottom line: figure that shit out on your own and don't whine. No one likes a whiner.

+1

Times a million. That said, I have a lovely boss who is super understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had one (a fed manager!) a few years ago that said to me "I feel lucky that we now make enough that my wife doesn't work and that I can support her." I wanted to scream.

My boss has said that too. I recently heard him tell a client that he is blessed that he makes enough for his wife to stay home, because kids raised by SAHM have better manners and "turn out" better. I was in the same room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, not at all OP. I work with guys my same age and a lot have SAHMs. They think women are there to do their laundry, cook, clean, keep their lives on track and make sure the kids turn out ok.

This. And the "work wife" is there to do all the rest of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok time for a truth bomb. The people you work with DGAF about your personal life. So whether it's mom or dad or grandma or a DCP taking care of your kid, they don't care and don't want to know about it. Have kids, don't have kids, pay for childcare, have a SAHP, who cares. Bottom line: figure that shit out on your own and don't whine. No one likes a whiner.

I think that's generally true and is how I assume people feel, but my job at various times has required a lot of travel and scheduling can make a difference (e.g, an 8 am meeting may require me to come in the night before, a 9 am meeting I might be able to travel in that morning) from a family perspective and some are better about understanding that than others. My kids are now in college so it's history now.

[Anonymous]

Truly this is not about accommodating my family needs. I have full time help, I don't need accommodation. I need them to not be fuck boys.

[Anonymous]

My bosses with young kids have always been the most understanding and flexible.

The worst offenders: never married women with no kids. Time and time again in my 20+ year career they have been known to be ruthless and complete b*tches when it comes to female pregnant workers and those with children at home.
Next worst offender: never married male with no kids. But the women for some reason are always more brutal to their own.

[Anonymous]

You work for a jerk -- or maybe you are the jerk. We can't tell from this thread.

Regardless, it's silly, ignorant, and wrong to try to make sweeping judgements based on what you know, or think you know, of someone's personal life. That goes for both boss and employee, man or woman.

Your thread title reeks of confirmation bias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bosses with young kids have always been the most understanding and flexible.

The worst offenders: never married women with no kids. Time and time again in my 20+ year career they have been known to be ruthless and complete b*tches when it comes to female pregnant workers and those with children at home.
Next worst offender: never married male with no kids. But the women for some reason are always more brutal to their own.

my experience also. you really have to have gone through having kids to have empathy.

The best boss for a working mom, is another working mom, then they can support each other for the 10:00 to 4:00 shifts, with lunch of course. This is what happens where I work. There is a whole cult of working moms that tend to look the other way for other working moms. It is a mom job culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bosses with young kids have always been the most understanding and flexible.

The worst offenders: never married women with no kids. Time and time again in my 20+ year career they have been known to be ruthless and complete b*tches when it comes to female pregnant workers and those with children at home.
Next worst offender: never married male with no kids. But the women for some reason are always more brutal to their own.

my experience also. you really have to have gone through having kids to have empathy.

The best boss for a working mom, is another working mom, then they can support each other for the 10:00 to 4:00 shifts, with lunch of course. This is what happens where I work. There is a whole cult of working moms that tend to look the other way for other working moms. It is a mom job culture.

I too have a great boss with a SAHW and kids. The problem with other WOHMs is not everyone has the same views on what is the right work/life balance. If you have a supervisor that is totally ok with being home less than you are, that can be hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Haven't you noticed how men with SAHW leave the break area? Take the last donut and leave the box (can't throw the box away)? Splash coffee everywhere and not get a papertowel?

They are accustomed to women mothering and cleaning up after them. They assume women are on earth to pick up their messes.

+1000 So true!!

Why do it when you will come behind everyone and mother them. I bet you keep track of the number of times you clean up the break area and wonder why you don't get the promotion. There is no promotions for cleaning up the break area. PS some of the worst offenders are women, but keep on thinking its only the man who are holding you back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Partly because I don't think they truly understand and appreciate how their SAH spouse does 90% of the doctors appts, school closures and heavy lifting. And partly because they're frustrated that they're choosing to forgo a 2nd income for the convenience of a SAH spouse and wish you did too.

Yes. I think this dynamic comes thorugh in certain places.

My DH works at a large firm and has tremendous compassion for the working moms who report to him, even to the point of formally advocating for more flexibility for employees. He's even read Lean In a couple of times. He once even spoke at a conference on keeping women satisfied and in the workforce! So proud of him!

Before I became a SAHM, I worked 50 hour (while I had two small children at home) weeks for years. I loved my career, and it was quite profitable. At the time, DH and I split all household and childcare related duties very evenly. I spent the first ten years of my marriage in the trenches, side by side with DH. Believe me, he's fully aware of everything I do while he's at work. Our evenings are peaceful and fun. Now that our duties are a little more divided (I'm the one staying with the kid all day), he considers himself to be totally grateful to be able to fully focus himself professionally while he's working.

Not all men are cavemen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bosses with young kids have always been the most understanding and flexible.

The worst offenders: never married women with no kids. Time and time again in my 20+ year career they have been known to be ruthless and complete b*tches when it comes to female pregnant workers and those with children at home.
Next worst offender: never married male with no kids. But the women for some reason are always more brutal to their own.

+1 the meanest co workers to me have always been women. The men have generally been respectful and understanding.

[Anonymous]

+2. Agree - I've had plenty of mean girl coworkers and 3 bat sh-t crazy bosses (female).

I've only had issue with one male coworker in 20 years... My male bosses have generally been very fair..

My guess is that it's harder to be taken seriously as a woman so you need to claw down the competition to hang on.

[Anonymous]

Not child/family related, but just in general. The most fabulous bosses I've ever had have been women. The worst, most awful bosses have been women. No in-between. (And I say this as a woman.) Most of my male bosses have been meh, not great, but not awful.