Constructive Feedback on Wife's Hair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen too many women grow out their hair (and lose weight) after divorces to believe the "oh, it just doesn't look good past a certain age" rationale.

When "looking attractive to men" is a primary goal for a woman, the hair tends to stay longer. When that's not a goal, the hair often goes away. It's mostly just a matter of priorities.

Yes, and when the mom does the majority of the work to get the kids out the door in the morning, her hair takes a back seat to that need. And if the husband/father brings up hair, she'd be quite within her rights to say, "you give me more help with the kids, I"ll have more time to worry about my hair." Men can be a little dense.

Yeah, but again, it depends on priorities. Recently divorced single moms are somehow able to manage long hair (and dressing nicely and exercising) when they are trying to date.

The silver lining, as the PP suggested, is that if your wife is turning into frumpzilla, it probably means she isn't cheating on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP did you marry your wife for the person she is or for her hair?

OP here, I am not sure what you are asking, but I will try to answer. I will love my wife regardless of her hair length. But I find her more sexually attractive with long hair, and I do think it makes her look more beautiful in general. A person is attracted to what they are attracted to, I don't know that I can change that. Sort of like what I said earlier - a long beard could make me feel empowered but if it turned off my wife (even though she would still love me) I should shave it, no?

Went through something like this with DW. I mentioned in passing wanting to grow a beard just for the heck of it. You'd think I suggested having my penis removed (actually she'd probably prefer that - but I digress) by her reaction. Still don't have that beard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP did you marry your wife for the person she is or for her hair?

Also, to the One PP accusing the other about making it all about them: you would be surprised how many men attach long hair as some requisite of feminity" and loathe it on their wives, regardless of how good shorter hair may look on them.

Now, OP, here's my two cents: communicate with your wife. Maybe she loves her new shorter hair. As a woman who went from very long hair to a pixie cut and loved it, I'll say this: having short hair can make a woman feel very empowered and stylish. Because *You* don't like it doesn't mean that she doesn't feel fabulous, and before you lodge your opinion /complain, please take some time to explore how she feels. She may be inching shorter because she knows you prefer the longer hair, but SHE likes it shorter.

Also take some time to explore your ow bias. Is it that you prefer the longer hair on her, or that you tie it to femininity, etc.

I don't think men know or appreciate how much a new hairstyle can make a woman feel fabulous.

OP here, I am not sure what you are asking, but I will try to answer. I will love my wife regardless of her hair length. But I find her more sexually attractive with long hair, and I do think it makes her look more beautiful in general. A person is attracted to what they are attracted to, I don't know that I can change that. Sort of like what I said earlier - a long beard could make me feel empowered but if it turned off my wife (even though she would still love me) I should shave it, no?

Lord help me if the sexual attraction in my marriage boils down to a haircut or facial hair.

[Anonymous]

I have very long hair, which my husband likes (though he doesn't usually compliment me on it, I just know he likes long red hair). Recently I've contemplated cutting it, and I didn't ask him, but I did "warn" him - in part to see his reaction. We sort of negotiated a length. Ultimately I'll do what I want to do, but it was nice to get his feedback before a drastic change.

[Anonymous]

The key is to say something *before* she cuts it next! If you complain after the fact, it's really annoying. Before she goes, say that you love it long and hope she keeps growing it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP did you marry your wife for the person she is or for her hair?

Also, to the One PP accusing the other about making it all about them: you would be surprised how many men attach long hair as some requisite of feminity" and loathe it on their wives, regardless of how good shorter hair may look on them.

Now, OP, here's my two cents: communicate with your wife. Maybe she loves her new shorter hair. As a woman who went from very long hair to a pixie cut and loved it, I'll say this: having short hair can make a woman feel very empowered and stylish. Because *You* don't like it doesn't mean that she doesn't feel fabulous, and before you lodge your opinion /complain, please take some time to explore how she feels. She may be inching shorter because she knows you prefer the longer hair, but SHE likes it shorter.

Also take some time to explore your ow bias. Is it that you prefer the longer hair on her, or that you tie it to femininity, etc.

I don't think men know or appreciate how much a new hairstyle can make a woman feel fabulous.

OP here, I am not sure what you are asking, but I will try to answer. I will love my wife regardless of her hair length. But I find her more sexually attractive with long hair, and I do think it makes her look more beautiful in general. A person is attracted to what they are attracted to, I don't know that I can change that. Sort of like what I said earlier - a long beard could make me feel empowered but if it turned off my wife (even though she would still love me) I should shave it, no?

Lord help me if the sexual attraction in my marriage boils down to a haircut or facial hair.

I agree with the OP here. It's not that spouses should be required to groom themselves as their spouse dictates, but I don't think it's an ideal dynamic for either spouse to have no interest in pleasing the other. If you absolutely only want short hair, okay, sure he could get used to it even if it's not his first choice. But if you prefer short and know he likes long, wouldn't you want to get something in the middle? My husband asks me about how to trim his goatee and I like that I'm his primary audience on that. Obviously it needs to look professional as well, but no harm in taking your spouse's preferences into consideration.

[Anonymous]

The beard is facial hair that your wife has to feel rubbing against her skin if you have that kind of contact, so not on the same level as a hair cut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The beard is facial hair that your wife has to feel rubbing against her skin if you have that kind of contact, so not on the same level as a hair cut.

Only a problem if wife would actually let me rub anything against her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here, I am not sure what you are asking, but I will try to answer. I will love my wife regardless of her hair length. But I find her more sexually attractive with long hair, and I do think it makes her look more beautiful in general. A person is attracted to what they are attracted to, I don't know that I can change that. Sort of like what I said earlier - a long beard could make me feel empowered but if it turned off my wife (even though she would still love me) I should shave it, [/b]no?

Lord help me if the sexual attraction in my marriage boils down to a haircut or facial hair.

Is this a non-sequitur, an honest failure to comprehend what the OP wrote, or simply being disingenuous? "More sexually attractive with long hair" does not equal "not sexually attractive without long hair."

[Anonymous]

OP - it's fine that you have a preference with your wife's hair. A lot of us probably have preferences about our spouse's appearance. But as many PPs have noted, many women wear their hair shorter as they get older for a variety of reasons. So before you praise how she looks with long hair, you may want to figure out why she's wearing her hair shorter. If there is a specific reason she's going shorter, you don't want to make her feel that she's not beautiful if she can't have that hair. I would love to wear my hair longer, and I'm sure my DH would love it too, but my hair isn't cut out for that anymore. Getting older and having kids has done a number on my hair. I also don't have the time to style it in the mornings like I did pre-kids. So I'm stuck with a mommy-bob. It has nothing to do with giving up on my appearance or not caring what my DH thinks of me. I just have to make the best of the hair I have now.

I would treat this the same way you'd handle the "does this make me look fat" question. Rather than saying "yes, you look fat", you would say "it's not my favorite" or "the other dress looks better."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I am stepping into a landmine, but here goes:

My DW is a beautiful woman, she is as beautiful to me as the day we met. Lately, she has been coming home from the salon with shorter and shorter hair. To be brutally honest here (since we are anonymous) I don't think it looks good on her in general, and I don't like how she looks with short hair. Part of me thinks I should do the typical "you look great honey!" when she comes back, but then again, if I were doing something that was a turn-off for her that I could fix - like growing a beard she didn't like - I would want her to tell me.

Is it as simple as saying "I love your hair, but I think you look sexier when it is longer?"

OMG I have the same problem with my sister! The very short hair look only looks really great on someone with great cheek bones and neck, like certain actresses. But when you have chubby cheeks and have a little extra weight -- its not a great look. But good luck.

You have this same problem with your sister? Why are you so catty? It's weird that you spend so much energy concerned with your sister's hair...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't have a right to tell your wife she is not as beautiful to you when she styles her hair in a shorter cut. The hair belongs to her, not you.

I have seen some women with long hair as they age, and it looks awful.

+1

[Anonymous]

You need to leave this alone. Her hair is not your purview. It's hers, not yours. Sorry, bucko.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I am stepping into a landmine, but here goes:

My DW is a beautiful woman, she is as beautiful to me as the day we met. Lately, she has been coming home from the salon with shorter and shorter hair. To be brutally honest here (since we are anonymous) I don't think it looks good on her in general, and I don't like how she looks with short hair. Part of me thinks I should do the typical "you look great honey!" when she comes back, but then again, if I were doing something that was a turn-off for her that I could fix - like growing a beard she didn't like - I would want her to tell me.

Is it as simple as saying "I love your hair, but I think you look sexier when it is longer?"

OMG I have the same problem with my sister! The very short hair look only looks really great on someone with great cheek bones and neck, like certain actresses. But when you have chubby cheeks and have a little extra weight -- its not a great look. But good luck.

You have this same problem with your sister? Why are you so catty? It's weird that you spend so much energy concerned with your sister's hair...

She is always asking me, telling me how great it looks, and I am a bitch. Happy now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP did you marry your wife for the person she is or for her hair?

Also, to the One PP accusing the other about making it all about them: you would be surprised how many men attach long hair as some requisite of feminity" and loathe it on their wives, regardless of how good shorter hair may look on them.

Now, OP, here's my two cents: communicate with your wife. Maybe she loves her new shorter hair. As a woman who went from very long hair to a pixie cut and loved it, I'll say this: having short hair can make a woman feel very empowered and stylish. Because *You* don't like it doesn't mean that she doesn't feel fabulous, and before you lodge your opinion /complain, please take some time to explore how she feels. She may be inching shorter because she knows you prefer the longer hair, but SHE likes it shorter.

Also take some time to explore your ow bias. Is it that you prefer the longer hair on her, or that you tie it to femininity, etc.

I don't think men know or appreciate how much a new hairstyle can make a woman feel fabulous.

OP here, I am not sure what you are asking, but I will try to answer. I will love my wife regardless of her hair length. But I find her more sexually attractive with long hair, and I do think it makes her look more beautiful in general. A person is attracted to what they are attracted to, I don't know that I can change that. Sort of like what I said earlier - a long beard could make me feel empowered but if it turned off my wife (even though she would still love me) I should shave it, no?

Lord help me if the sexual attraction in my marriage boils down to a haircut or facial hair.

OP I am going to be nice, because you sound nice. Very short hair is not really that attractive, except on certain woman (like Halle Berry). But that's boy short. Hair down to the shoulders is common in women over 35 because it is healthier hair for most women. Men love extra long hair (beyond the shoulder blades) but for many woman, especially natural blondes who have overall less thick hair and more delicate hair, it can get very frizzy and dry as it is longer. The teen age girl for example has long, beautiful hair-- youth, hormones etc. So she may be looking at her hairs overall health. Healthy hair is more beautiful in general. signer, hair stylist