Child therapist that can help ME support child against my spouse
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Anonymous
You are an a$$ |
Anonymous
You’re the asswipe. |
Anonymous
| OP my sibling went through this and eventually left for their mental well-being. I think now they recognize they didn’t have a choice but the damage to the kids is unbelievable. They are not there to protect the children from ex spouse’s rages and manipulation. They are not there to reframe conversations and keep things more productive. Now it is 50% pretty darned good and 50% complete hell with ex spouse. Kids afraid to talk about what goes on, kids afraid to reach out for help, kids failing school cuz ex spouse just can’t be bothered to parent . It’s a nightmare. My sibling continually advises me to do what you’re doing (stay and protect) until they’re old enough to spot the patterns and effectively protect themselves to some degree. I don’t think you’re making a mistake given no drugs/alcohol abuse/ physical abuse. All those got worse or occurred with sibling’s ex once they left.. and now they’re not around to help kids. |
Anonymous
No, OP and you have serious issues if you are working to build a case to take the child away from the father and OP is using a therapist to manipulate the child into saying what she wants said. That is toxic and going to hurt the child. |
Anonymous
I’m confused, I’m OP and I didn’t write the a$$ comment. How am I using a therapist to manipulate the child into saying what I want said? I want a therapist to teach child to speak up against abuse and gaslighting, which the child already does by themselves initially but they get shut down by spouse and gaslit. To be honest, you sound manipulative yourself unless I misunderstood your entire comment. And for the record I do think children should be protected from parents like my spouse. If I could build a case for this kind of parent to have limited custody based on facts - and those are that said parent causes an innocent child to suffer mentally and emotionally - then I absolutely would. |
Anonymous
OP here and thank you for this additional perspective and for sharing your experience. I am so sorry this happened to your sibling. |
Anonymous
+1 he will absolutely get 50/50 absent evidence of physical abuse of kids. Even if there is proven domestic violence against the wife, he will still get 50/50 unless it’s against the kids and proven. |
Anonymous
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Yes passive aggressive behavior often infuriates people so why are you trying in invite fury? so your DH will
continue to scare your kid? You are part of the problem whether you want to admit it or not. When you finally separate and your DS is just visiting his dad and it’s just him and his dad, your DH will be more relaxed and things won’t escalate nearly as often. |
Anonymous
Another abuser. Or troll. Or both. Yes my attempts at protecting my child - in reaction to behaviour initiated by DH - is what causes DH’s fury. Nice victim blaming. Funnily enough DH is more aggressive when it is just him and DC, which admittedly is not often. But D.C. tells me about what dad does when I’m not around. It’s almost as if he knows what he is doing is wrong and thinks he can get away with it if it’s just him and a kid. |
Anonymous
NP and no, not in this case. It’s you. |
Anonymous
| Agree with those who say there is more to the story. First: this is an issue you OP and DH should be in therapy for, it would be a lot easier to make progress on diffusing DH's behavior around DC with a trained 3rd party to mediate. But OP has already checked out and instead seems to be escalating this. Not denying it sounds like a serious issue, but the dynamic between two spouses at loggerheads is certainly at least part of the problem here. Trying to address it with a therapist, seems like an immediate no brainer. Even if you ultimately divorce, therapy now will ease that transition to be something that's a little better for DC than what's being advised here (lawyer up, leave immediately, etc). If you haven't made a serious effort at therapy with DH to date, that part is on you. |
Anonymous
What does that mean, "special needs?" How "is" someone "special needs?" Is this just a replacement phrase for the R-word? What does it even mean? |
Anonymous
No, it’s you. |
Anonymous
It’s trendy. |
Anonymous
| OP, I mean this kindly, but you as the parent need to protect your child from abuse, not teach a 4 year old how to protect themselves. If you are unable to do this while sharing a home with your spouse, then you need help with your parenting, boundaries and relationship with your spouse. I believe you stated you are in individual therapy, but you really need to focus on your role as an adult in the household. I'm afraid you're setting your child up for more dysfunction and not protecting them which ultimately renders them without a healthy relationship with either parent. Please look at yourself and your actions and consider how they affect and harm your child too. |