DD thinks she’s better than everyone

[Anonymous]

Is she in sports? My very athletic children that play travel sports quickly learn that there is always someone better than you. Teaches humility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always had terrible self esteem. I wish I thought well of myself.

+1 My DD 15 is also like OP’s and although I know it’s not right I secretly like hearing her confidence come out. Wish I had an ounce of it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Humility is a virtue, maybe she needs to learn this. And I’ll tell you that despite what you might think her peers pick up on this mentality, it’s not so easily hidden. Words alone don’t hide it.

This. This can be tough with kids...girls in particular, in my experience. You want them to be confident, but humble. The best thing you can do is model humility and try to teach your children that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. I always point out my kids' strengths, but I also let them know when they need to work on themselves. It seems like you need to talk to your daughter about that. Also, talking about how great you are, etc., is often actually a sign of insecurity. When she puts other people down, she's really just exposing her own insecurities. You should make sure she understands that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always had terrible self esteem. I wish I thought well of myself.

+1 My DD 15 is also like OP’s and although I know it’s not right I secretly like hearing her confidence come out. Wish I had an ounce of it!

Actually, this is often a sign of a lack of confidence/insecurity. The truly confident are humble. Your daughter, like you, lacks confidence.

[Anonymous]

Cut her down back to size with a well-placed insult.

E.g. "Larla has such disgusting eyebrows"
You "Yeah, she should go to the person who waxed your's" or "I wonder what Larla is saying to her mom about your flat a$$"

Your her mom, you will know what cuts her down

If you can't think of anything, "Wow, that was a really b----- thing to say"

If she wants to to engage in frat house talk, she can take it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut her down back to size with a well-placed insult.

E.g. "Larla has such disgusting eyebrows"
You "Yeah, she should go to the person who waxed your's" or "I wonder what Larla is saying to her mom about your flat a$$"

Your her mom, you will know what cuts her down

If you can't think of anything, "Wow, that was a really b----- thing to say"

If she wants to to engage in frat house talk, she can take it too.

This is psychotic advice. WTF is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD16 has recently developed a very smug, “I’m better than everyone” sort of attitude. She’s always been a polite kid and will act respectful toward people, but will tear apart their looks, personality, etc. in private. She has told me that she is better (smarter, funnier, etc) than the kids at her school. Even if she is, where is she learning that it’s okay to say that? I’ve always modeled kindness and empathy. I’ve tried bringing this up to her, but her only response was, “so what if it’s mean? It’s true!”

Without reading the rest of the responses, (1) this is a natural phase, (2) she's also imitating what she hears from other girls at school so don't villainize her as a mean girl, (3) just enjoy that she's even talking to you at all! Some parents would give anything to have their teens talk to them regularly, even if it's just to trash other kids at school. Heck, they would even join in just to have some connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut her down back to size with a well-placed insult.

E.g. "Larla has such disgusting eyebrows"
You "Yeah, she should go to the person who waxed your's" or "I wonder what Larla is saying to her mom about your flat a$$"

Your her mom, you will know what cuts her down

If you can't think of anything, "Wow, that was a really b----- thing to say"

If she wants to to engage in frat house talk, she can take it too.

stfu larla.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt that way all throughout high school about most kids. Honestly I ended up being right.

+1

Pretty much this. But is she right, OP? Also, she can trash people to you but you should encourage her to consider any redeeming qualities these people might have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt that way all throughout high school about most kids. Honestly I ended up being right.

+1

Pretty much this. But is she right, OP? Also, she can trash people to you but you should encourage her to consider any redeeming qualities these people might have.

Seems like DD sees the worst in people…

[Anonymous]

i am betting someone in your immediate family, perhaps your husband, communicates through complaints- about people and mundane irritations. My Italian-American family has this dynamic and I really fight the urge to judge and gossip as a way of bonding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have honestly become MORE like this in my 40’s. Sometimes I just cannot believe how absurdly stupid the average person is. And most of the responses in this thread support my position.

How many of you encourage empathy and understanding and whatever other nonsense when discussing someone like MTG, for example? Is it ok for you to think you’re better than her? How about Trump? How about any random content creators on TikTok or Youtube?

Your daughter’s only obligation is to treat people respectfully when she interacts with them.

It’s not about how the other kids feel, but rather about what this attitude is doing to the daughter. Trying to find the good in everyone is a skill that must be practiced because it’s a lot easier to just dismiss others. But it pays dividends in the long run. For her own mental health because she has a feeling of hope for the future, for one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My daughter had a phase like this in 7th grade.

I pointed out multiple times that yes, while her IQ was statistically higher than most of the population, she had a lot of work to do in the patience, empathy and kindness department.

Now she's 14 and she's gotten a lot better.

You pointed out her IQ was statistically higher than the average person? Kind of weird. I hope you also explained that a high IQ means nothing if you don’t have the self motivation, or aren’t a hard worker or don’t realize that your personality and the way you treat people matters more.

[Anonymous]

Say something nice about the people she’s trying to cut down. Don’t engage with the criticism.

[Anonymous]

My biggest concern for a kid like this (other than just turning into a garden variety @sshole) would be a real fall from grace when they go to college. This “big fish and a small pond” syndrome can be a real misplaced self perception until they actually get challenged. Think of the girl who’s the best dancer in her small dance school and then tries out for ABT or similar and gets smoked by other kids. It may be useful to consider whether you have her in enough challenging activities. The poster upthread, who pointed out that their kid plays travel sports and learns humility pretty quickly has it right. It doesn’t have to be athletics, but she needs to have some experiences where she understands her level of ability on the spectrum of ability.