What is this type of a response?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like every single.older relative I have. For them it's a combination of anxiety and that these are not activities that they would want for themselves.

They have no capacity to understand others may want different things, or to they don't care about coming across as negative.

[Anonymous]

Its called being set in their ways

[Anonymous]

A lot of older people enjoy the status quo and feel attacked when people talk about change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its called being set in their ways

You can be set in your ways and not negative about other people's plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sounds like George Costanza's mother

Ha!

OP, ask your husband to stop oversharing.
With her. And with you.
Everyone might be a little bit happier.

Have a great time with your DD on your Mother's Day trip!

[Anonymous]

OP here looping back - thanks for all the advice. I am going to ask my husband to call out the negativity when he hears it. Whether or not he does I’m not sure… I don’t think he really sees it as pettiness quite yet. It’s like he’s in the woods with her sometimes and doesn’t see the forest for what it is, but that is another matter and it may take him more time to see it for what it is. It took him years to recognize that his mother often guilt trips when she doesn’t get her way. Thank you all -

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like this, and it is only getting worse with age. Pretty sure it comes from untreated anxiety… she has an Rx for anti-anxiety medication, but refuses to take it. I’ve been hearing these comments for 20 years. I usually deflect them with “mm hmm. So, how was your visit with SIL?” Or occasionally “oh no need to worry, I’m sure we will have a great time camping! Larlo and Larla are really looking forward to it!” And then change the subject. It used to bother me, but now I mostly just brush it off.

Anxiety is talking a mile a minute, or always about yourself, or never at all.

Anxiety is not insulting everything someone does or plans to do.

Come on.

Not necessarily. Anxiety can look like a building discomfort about what others are telling you. Maybe it's "too much" for her to take in, too big in scope, too many details, too indulgent, too expensive, too far away, or too unfamiliar. My mother is the same.

So what.
Just because you’re “overwhelmed” at someone else’s plans or discussion doesn’t mean you lash out or give your peon negative opinion.

If you were that anxious you’d shutdown not get angry and start an awkward argument.

No folks, putting others down is nasty. And if someone does it a lot they’re nasty. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

My mother does this because she feels her strongly stated opinion demonstrates her value and justifies her existence. It's her way of showing she matters and cares. It's a trauma response. Unfortunately it's also the reason she doesn't see her grandchildren or have a relationship with her child.

[Anonymous]

This is not a trauma response.

Stop overusing that word and diluting actually abuse victims who were chronically traumatized.